C+
Secret Window

Everyone in this film seems to have bad skin, but that’s the least of its problems.

When writer Morton Rainey (Johnny Depp) is confronted by a mysterious stranger named John Shooter (John Turturro) and accused of plagiarism, he knows he can easily disprove the charge.  But when Mr. Shooter becomes more insistent on proof through various acts of violence, Rainey is desperate to stop him.  But each step the stalker takes seems to make Rainey’s life more complicated and bloody until one of them goes too far.

The reason I was unable to predict the “big reveal” in this film is that I was incapable of believing that they could take it in such an obvious, cliché and, dare I say, done at least three times before, direction.  I suppose telling you what movies exploited this rather unimaginative twist before would be a spoiler for this one so I’ll refrain.  Suffice it to say, you won’t be disappointed if you plan on being disappointed.

Secret Window isn’t a total loss.  Depp is excellent as the slightly unhinged but likable writer.  His use of exaggerated expressions and twitches make him a believable person, not just some movie star.  Turturro, who I really like, is amusing as the stalker, but the character nears too close to silly to be taken seriously.  Maria Bello, Timothy Hutton and Charles S. Dutton all deliver adequate and completely forgettable supporting roles.

The film runs just over an hour and a half, which is a relief considering the trend, but when you realize that most of Secret Window consists of slowly opening doors or looking around corners for some startling surprise, one can’t help but wonder if this isn’t just a thin movie.

The film features some interesting commentary on the nature of divorce and what happens to people when they’re left to their own devices.  It helps, but doesn’t fully justify Rainey’s weirdness.

Stephen King’s made a name for himself having bad movies made after his stories (Shawshank being an exception improved by other writers).  So I can’t say it’s surprising that Secret Window fails to impress.  Horror fans get a few small doses of gore, but most of it is safely hidden for tension’s sake.

On the other hand, I can’t say I hated it either.  Depp’s subtle idiosyncrasies and director David Koepp’s strong visual style keep the movie from being boring.  And there are some clever moments in the dialogue.  In addition, Phillip Glass and Geoff Zanelli provide a terrific tension building score.

But Secret Window is still better suited for an episode of Tales from the Crypt.  The true definition of irony is that this film is about a writer who needs to come up with a good ending to his story.  C+
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naughty letters to the writer
Product placement for Viagra.