When a sexy blonde arrives in our world and is hell bent on our destruction – oh, wait, that’s Species. When computers become self-aware and become hell bent on our destruction – oh, wait, that’s The Matrix. When a muscle-bound Republican action star covets the California governorship – oh wait, that was a nightmare I had. Let’s start over, shall we?
Having been traumatized a little over a decade ago by futuristic robots toying for his love, John Connor (Nick Stahl) developed into a bit of a loner (or loser). But it would seem that fate has more in store for him as a new terminator, this time a good-looking blonde named T-X (Kristanna Loken), is sent to kill him and his future crew of revolutionaries. One of these future good guys is love interest Kate Brewster (Clare Danes). Good thing in the future they’ll send back an outdated T-800, I mean T-850 (oooohhh) (Arnold Schwarzenegger) to protect them.
OK, so it does actually have the number 3 after it, so one can’t expect too much, can they? Still, with the possible exception of one excellent truck crashing scene (incidentally the best feature of the last Matrix film), T3 doesn’t seem to have anything to offer. For fans of the first film (the one with the tight script), this latest installment is uninspired and erratic. For fans of the second film (the one with the cool fx), T3 is nothing to get excited about. It is a complete mystery why they have made no improvements in this department. The T-X is not nearly as impressive as Robert Patrick (in liquid form anyway) and this strikes me as a bit of a rip-off.
Although John Connor is written inexplicably as someone who’s accomplished nothing in the last decade, Nick Stahl does a decent job with the shoddy material. Adding this to a strong performance in the mind-numbing In the Bedroom, Stahl is a welcome young star. Clare Danes does not deliver as well, appearing not to take the killer robot scenario as seriously as one might expect. As a matter of personal preference, some might wonder why a multi million dollar summer action flick wouldn’t cast a more traditionally beautiful ingénue as the love interest. If the test for Kristanna Loken is having a tight body and no facial expressions, then she deserves the Oscar.
The plot is naturally full of holes, including the Terminator’s insistence that he’s not the same robot from the last film, yet he somehow knows all the details of the last film’s plot. Schwarzenegger is only ever believable when he isn’t playing a human being (no offense to Barbarians) so there’s not much room for critique here. But character-wise, the biggest problem with T3 is that it isn’t about the Terminator. It’s about a boy and his magical friend, like a violent version of Kazaam.
Above all, this film lacks the fundamental urgency that makes the series possible. We’re supposed to be afraid that the world will be consumed with war, but by the end you’ll find yourself fantasizing about bombing the theater. D+
