An Incoherent Call for MDC Regime Change

An Incoherent Call for MDC Regime Change

by Tsanga Tutankhamen Shanga; 16th December 2007

The call for the ouster of the leader of the MDC proper by the editor of the Zimbabwe Guardian was disturbing in number of ways. Judging by this opinion editorial (op-ed), it is apparent the editor does not have a good understanding of what is happening in the USA vis-à-vis Iraq, nor does he/she seem to grasp the dynamics of Zimbabwean politics. Making a disparaging comparison between Iraq of Saddam Hussein and the MDC betrayed Garande’s apparent ignorance. It was inevitable that the internet age would usher in a plethora of cyberspace news sites, some of which would be of an inferior variety. Editorial standards seem to have fallen beneath disgraceful levels, an unmistakable symptom of intellectual laziness. The incoherence of the arguments in Garande’s op-ed would generally be considered good for recreational relief by way of laughter where it not for the badly articulated attempt to disparage Mr Tsvangirai and ruin the MDC.

For starters, the editor of the Zimbabwe Guardian comes across as a badly misinformed person on the current events in the USA and how the American populace has come to view the occupation of Iraq. He may be one of the very few people this side of the Milky Way who still think Mr Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, the last minister of information of sovereign Iraq, was a bumbling court jester in Saddam Hussein’s court. Politically tuned Americans stopped laughing at Sahhaf a long time ago, July of 2003, to be precise. To see the folly of laughing at Comical Ali five years into America’s quagmire in Mesopotamia, let us hearken to the sapient words of former British Prime Minister Lord Melbourne and, I quote; “What all the wise men promised has not happened, and what all the damn fools said would happen has come to pass.” According to Editor Garande, Mohammed Sahhaf is a fool but, the question that begs an answer commends itself; is Comical Ali one of those damned fools alluded to by Lord Melbourne?

Why, let us simply go back and dig up the words of Comical Ali:

The damned fool Sahhaf told us; "[Americans] think that by killing civilians and trying to distort the feelings of the people they will win."
Iraqi civilians have been butchered in staggering numbers. Pictures of shredded limbs and blown heads of Iraq children may not make it on John Snow’s Channel 4 News bulletins or Bill O’Reilly’s The Factor Show but these grim pictures show war is an evil not to be snickered at. When Sahhaf said Iraqis would be slaughtered, the wise men laughed. Nobody is asking a laptop journalist like Editor Garande to go and report from the Mesopotamian meat grinder to disabuse him/her of the notion that war is a joke. Forget burying one’s head in a pile of old newspapers, all one has to do is perform a task as simple as using internet search engines. If Editor Garande had, he/she would have realized that the wanton butchery of a million people is no longer a laughing matter;

Comical Ali told the world that the Americans leading the invasion of Iraq were immoral.
Proof of this bubbled to the surface when the grisly pictures of abused prisoners at the Abu Ghraib prison came to light and caused a political firestorm that left America’s reputation in ashes and charred limbs. According to the highly respected journalist, Seymour Hersh, Iraqi kids were also raped at the notorious Abu Ghraib prison and the Pentagon is reportedly in possession of videos of these kids screaming as they were sodomized. Per Holy Writ, sodomy is a sin and anyone who indulges in it is considered immoral;

Let us quote another one of Comical Ali’s foolishness; “We have placed them in a quagmire from which they can never emerge except dead.”
Mosignor Greeley is in agreement with Comical Ali’s foolishness. For someone raised as a Catholic, I will be the last one to cast doubt at the observations of Father Greeley

Instead of laughing when Sahhaf said; "Washington has thrown their soldiers on the fire," the warmongers on both sides of the Atlantic should have paid heed. Had someone stopped to listen to Baghdad Bob’s foolishness these British boys would not have come this close to perishing in a holocaust. They were quite fortunate enough to live to recount their trip to hell and back

He was simply making an observing a fact when Comical Ali remarked on Bush’s malapropism by saying, "I speak better English than this villain Bush."
The internet is a veritable compendium of Mr Bush's mangled grammar. It is replete with Bush fils’ verbal gaffes, even Comical Ali knew that. One does not need to be a newspaper editor to have special access to get this information.

The hapless American president and his band of incompetent cronies were only too glad to vindicate the foolish words of Comical Ali. We all remember President Bush fils celebrating victory on the USS Lincoln. We have been fortunate enough to witness the absurdity of that badly timed celebration of an illusory victory. Comical Ali told us; "Let the American infidels bask in their illusion." In retrospect, how many can argue with Sahhaf on that score?

Only people mentally incapacitated with hubris can now look at Sahhaf’s following words and still dismiss him off as Comical Ali; "I would like to clarify a simple fact here: How can you lay siege to a whole country? Who is really under siege now? Baghdad cannot be besieged. Al-Nasiriyah cannot be besieged. Basra cannot be besieged."
As it is, the Americans are hankered down in the Green Zone. A few months ago I finished reading Rajiv Chandrasekaran’s book on what he witnessed while serving as the Washington Post’s Baghdad bureau chief during Paul Bremer’s Iraqi regime. It was comical, pun intended, to realize how close the Americans came close to fleeing Iraq, a Saigon déjà vu, when they heard gunfire close to their Green Zone fort. It turned out the Iraqis were only celebrating a football victory by the Iraqi national team. As foretold by Comical Ali, the Americans were and are still under siege. The GIs rarely stray too far from their super bases. When they do, they get killed by snipers or improvised-explosive devices. The British have fared no better. They are also confined to Basra Airport ready to scoot out of harm’s way at a moment’s notice. Like Comical Ali, let us ask that question again: Who really is under siege now?

"That bastard the American Minister of Defense Rumsfeld, and I won't say shamelessly, because they don't know what shame means. These are criminals. The whole word can hear the warning sirens. This criminal sitting in the White House is a pathetic criminal and his Defense Minister deserves to be beaten. These criminals lie to the world because they are criminals by nature and conditioning. They consider this a military site! Shame on you! You will forever be shamed! You have ruined the reputation of the American people in the most terrible way! Shame on you! And we will destroy you!" In this presumably comical statement, Sahhaf called Bush and Rumsfeld war criminals and pathological liars. Many people now agree war crimes are taking place in Iraq and that Bush lied the American people into a worthless war.

The above-cited statements and forewarnings of Mohammed Sahhaf were not idle words of a delusional buffoon. He is a prototype of Lord Melbourne's damned fool whose warnings came to pass while the promises of a cakewalk war by wise men like Cakewalk Ken have not happened. Even a veteran of the Vietnam War diplomacy says victory in Iraq is not possible. Given Henry Kissinger’s stature in the diplomatic world, we can surmise he was not trying to imitate Comical Ali just for laughs. Kissinger was dead serious. No wonder some American commentators are now marvelling at the apparently prophetic words of Comical Ali. For the people of New Orleans who could not be rescued from the ravages of Hurricane Katrina because the personnel and equipment for the job were in Iraq when New Orleans needed them the most, there is nothing funny about the Iraq War.

It is apparent the unfolding history in Iraq has passed by unnoticed by the editor of the Zimbabwe Guardian. We would be remiss if we were not to wonder about what other historical facts the editor might have missed in his/her rush to draw comparisons between Mohammed Sahhaf and Nelson Chamisa with the hope of painting the latter as a bumbling fool prone to making risible statements. If Chamisa is Zimbabwe’s version of Comical Ali, recent precedent tells us that we are lucky to have such a damned fool. Chamisa might have points worth pondering, if we really bother to take a closer look at the MDC mechanizations.

According to Editor Garande’s other meme, Morgan Tsvangirai’s refusal to answer the allegations of dictatorial tendencies levelled by Lucia Matibenga paints Tsvangirai as a tyrant. What some of us find disturbing is not the alleged tyranny of Tsvangirai or the so-called inane comments of Nelson Chamisa. If Ms Matibenga, as is apparent, wants the MDC to replicate the power structure and organs of ZANU (PF) using the ZANU (PF) template then sane people ought to applaud Tsvangirai for booting her out. The last thing Zimbabwe needs is another version of ZANU (PF). Out of honour and love for his country, Tsvangirai ought to adopt Rome’s Carthage policy when it comes to ZANU (PF) – raze to the ground anything that may ever remind us of the scourge of ZANU (PF) and also pour salt, figuratively speaking, so nothing like it will ever grow again on Zimbabwean soil. I am an advocate of this scorched-earth policy because of what ZANU (PF) has done to beloved Zimbabwe. In this party, everyone is beholden to the gods of nepotism and cronyism. With its party bureaucratic and organizational layers, the ZANU (PF) model is a fast track to the politics of leadership cult in which cronies are handed assignments not for previously proven efficiency at running the party and, by extension, the country. No, incompetent people are given jobs to bribe them into heaping praise on the leader. The trick works hence the late Tony Gara’s blasphemous statement to the effect that Mugabe was God incarnate. In a meritocratic system there is no need for a woman’s league or youth league and quotas based on all sorts of imaginary special groups.

Moreover, ZANU (PF) subverted the country by insidiously transforming state organs from the original duty of serving the country to serving a political party in general and its leader in particular. The police and military became ZANU (PF) organs. I vividly remember how one group of ZANU (PF) youth leaguers, mere teenagers, killed another teenager in one of the high-density suburbs of Harare for refusing to attend a pungwe meeting. Maurice Nyagumbo made some vacuous noise about it and had the teenage murderers in jail for a few hours. After the slap on the wrist, one of the murderers quit school and was immediately ushered into the Zimbabwe National Police. A homicidal yob joined a state organ meant to protect citizens from homicidal yobs. It was bizarre. My deeply seated hatred for such party layers was born after that incident. From that moment onwards, I started noticing the appointment, into Mugabe’s government, of jokers for jobs that required seriousness and disgraced crooks were given custodianship of the nation’s treasures. Zimbabwe found itself at the mercy of an ignoramus like Mai Mahofa and that has not stopped – Chinotimba being a prime example of the continuance of this disasterous policy of cronyism. So much for the Leadership Code!.

Matibenga’s whining reminds some of us of the disaster that is the ZANU (PF) Women’s League. Tsvangirai should not be condemned for making sure the MDC will not be a duplicate of ZANU (PF). If anything, he is arduously trying to prevent the whole nation from behaving like lemmings marching towards the cliffs. Not only should we praise him for trying to extirpate symptoms of ZANU (PF) maladies in the MDC, we as a people owe Tsvangirai and his group a huge debt of gratitude for putting their lives on the line for the betterment of Zimbabweans. It seems fashionable to dismiss him for not being educated but the man is very educated. He has a degree from UHKL - the University of Hard-Knocks-of-Life – which has more weight than booky education used to haughtily and thoughtlessly disparage others. Tsvangirai has succeeded where a colossus like Joshua Nkomo and firebrand Edgar Tekere failed. For a long time, Father Zimbabwe was reduced to playing the role of a peripheral tribal leader, at one time forced to flee the country in a dress. Under unrelenting pressure and patriotic love for his motherland, he finally succumbed, killing ZAPU by co-opting it into ZANU (PF). Tekere tried with his ZUM but was ultimately blunted by the rigging machine of ZANU (PF) in the 1990 election.

While ZAPU was beaten into submission and ZUM choked to death while still in the crib, Tsvangirai ingeniously managed ZCTU as a de facto opposition party while camouflaging it from the wrath of Mugabe. Some may want to argue that the transmogrification of ZCTU into a viable political party was fortuitous, which is doubtful, his ability to turn it into a truly national party with a foothold all over the country tells us Tsvangirai knows how to properly align his party to tap into the nation’s simmering anger at the manner the country has been ruined by ZANU (PF). Tsvangirai, Chamisa, Sibanda et al. saved democracy in Zimbabwe. If democracy has any semblance of credibility in Zimbabwe, we owe it to Tsvangirai et al. Everyone knows that dictators will always rig elections, even the Americans are waking up to this stark fact, too. Characterizing these Zimbabwean patriots as failures is in itself a failure to make sound judgement by the declarant. I would call such a critic an ingrate. Contrary to Garande’s contention, Tsvangirai is not a failure. The fact that the MDC has a sizeable chunk of seats in parliament, despite the rampant rigging that are attendant to elections, is ample proof that he is a winner.

In the face of such unprecedented success, it is rather odd that some have the gall to ask Tsvangirai to commit political harakiri. The man has sacrificed enough; it would be greatly unfair not letting him cross the River Jordan into the Promised Land. It is not clear why some feel that he ought to step aside. Calling him to fall on the sword seems to to be nothing but weasel words for regime change within MDC. As a policy, regime change for the sake of change is very misguided. In lieu of Tsvangirai and Chamisa, we are not told who would take over. It is utter folly to yap about regime change when the sophisticated Americans have met nothing but abject failure in Iraq and Afghanistan in their quest for regime changes in these two benighted nations. In Zimbabwe it would be treasonous to keep people bogged down, American style, in crippling poverty.

Perhaps the editor thinks Arthur Mutambara is a ready-made replacement but I humbly demur. Apart from his impressive academic record, I have no idea why anyone thinks Arthur would make a good leader. There are a lot of educated Zimbabweans but that does not mean they are all presidential material. This is a man who appeared from the mist of diaspora academia like a much talked-about phantom in tattered clothes, metaphorically speaking, as the only reminder of who he used to be; in 1988 he wrote a humdinger of a pamphlet as the University of Zimbabwe Student Union fire-eating secretary, got detained for disruptive behaviour in 1989, went to Oxford University, et cetera. Can someone please tell us how that makes him qualified to lead Zimbabwe? It should have been obvious to Arthur that the Zimbabwean people do not get overly impressed by such an insubstantial political resume. Mutambara should have taken his proper place at the back of the MDC queue instead of marching into the Zimbabwean political scene like a conquering Roman general leading his troops into Rome to demand the imperial rob after a military campaign to pacify some restive subjects in a far-flung province.

Where others see a Julius Caesar some can be forgiven for seeing a shameless muchekadzafa character like Gwara the cowardly hunter in Patrick Chakaipa’s novel Karikoga. As far as public knowledge is concerned, Mutambara’s activities in the diaspora were for personal betterment. However, it is not clear if they have a direct bearing to the plight of the common folk in Zimbabwe. He would be well served if he were to tell us what he did for Zimbabwe while away. The fact that he has not proffered this information leaves the impression that he either takes the Zimbabweans for granted or that he has poor policy advisors. Either way, it does not augur well for his political aspirations. Some have suggested that the man is encumbered by a gargantuan ego that prevents him from subordinating himself to someone else’s leadership.

Moreover, some of his recent public utterances have led some to question Mutambara's ability to control his temper. He annoyed many people when he showered Tsvangirai with venomous saliva on the BBC. This has an eerie resemblance to a certain highly educated leader noted for his great oratory skills he uses to belittle others. People are not prepared to replace a highly educated cranky octogenarian egomaniac gifted of a thousand tongues with a younger and hungrier clone. What fruits did all the education and mountain-moving speeches bear? No, sir, we have travelled that path in the past twenty eight years, tasted the bitter fruits and we did not like any of it one bit! With his own words, Mutambara dug his own political grave – as it is, Arthur has little street cred otherwise people would not be making him a butt of jokes – watching such talent, unrefined as it may be, get frittered away is very sad, indeed.

Given Mutambara’s precarious position, if the Zimbabwe Guardian editor is astute enough to notice it, it would beggar belief to propose Arthur as an alternative. Furthermore, it is an affront to the intelligence of the editor’s readership to call for MDC regime change and yet avoid offering viable alternatives like the devil avoids Holy water. The incoherence of the editor’s argument notwithstanding, trawling through its murk tells us that he is an advocate for the destruction of the MDC by stealth. Cui bono? I could be mistaken but the editor comes across as a shill for ZANU (PF), and not a very good one at that. The Manichaean nature of Zimbabwean politics tells us that if one is against the MDC, it is a given that one is for ZANU (PF). There is no grey area. Sitting on the fence is not an option because that fence is razor thin, metaphorically speaking. Inevitably, we may be forced to conclude that the editor of the Zimbabwe Guardian must harbour some political animus against Chamisa and Tsvangirai, a quintessential trait of ZANU (PF) hacks. If this editor is a ZANU (PF) apparatchik masquerading as a newspaper editor, the entire charade is badly camouflaged: It is as exposed as the hole in the south end of a north-bound goat – zviripachena semutyairi wengoro.

I am not averse to criticizing our leaders. Criticism must be constructive and, moreover, let us not do it simply because everyone else is doing it. We always have to critique our leaders. However, if we are to point out flaws in their character or policies, we are obliged to offer solutions. In my humble opinion, by making an incoherent call for MDC leadership regime change, Editor Garande failed in this regard. Throwing verbal darts at leaders for the heck of it is succumbing to mob psychology. It ill-behooves those who have chosen the noble cause of keeping the masses informed to join lynch mobs.

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