| April 20, 2001 You are the one I need w/ me for all time. You are the one I can share my hopes w/, my dreams w/, and you won't laugh. You might not always understand me and sometimes I won't understand you, but it won't matter; we will be friends, we will be in love, and we can learn to ignore each other's faults. I know I'm different, I know I'm strange and I need to have someone, and I know I can be very oversensitive. But you will be the one who accepts me for that way and even loves me more; when you see a bush you will think of me b/c I do things like crawl under them, when you see a tree you will think of how I would like to climb it. You will want to be w/ me b/c I make you laugh, you will feel special w/ me and you will enjoy my company. When I am sad or frustrated you will be too because you feel for me, you feel with me. The things that are important to me will be important to you, not for your sake but for mine. And the same with me, whatever matters to you will matter to me. We won't see eye to eye but we will care about what the other sees. You will make me happy and I will make you happy. You will like to touch me and when I touch you it will make you feel good inside, make you smile, make you so happy you have goose bumps. I want to make you happy. I want to be important to you, and I want you to miss me when you are not around me. I will miss you. I expect that when you come into a room and I see you, for a second my heart will jump because you are so beautiful and because you love me. Everything about you and everything you do will mean something to me. When you smile, it will light up my soul, and when you smile at me, nothing can make me happier. You'll want to be near me b/c our souls will be connected, just having you next to me will make me feel more complete, more whole. There are other things too, things like being connected to God--but remember that even as God comes first, I come second--not third or fourth or whenever you have time, but second. If I am not put second then God is not really first b/c in order to honor him you must honor me. Sometimes you will hurt me b/c you are human and that is human, to be selfish and to think of how to please ourselves and only doing what we want. But when you hurt me and you know it you will feel bad--and I will too, b/c I know I am very selfish but w/ you I will learn to put you before me. You come before my needs, but you have to need me too. If I put you first, before me, then I will need you, I will need you in order to fulfill my purpose in life. You can't turn your back on me or run and hide whenever it gets difficult, or you will be denying me. Once you commit to me you commit to be there b/c I will need you. But you have to do the same. You must put me before you, and you will need me then. Serve and you will love. If we are both doing this then we will forever need each other, and serving the Lord together, we will find ourselves in that tight bond, the triangle that never ends as we serve the Lord and need Him to always be close to us. With you I will learn to be patient, to love, and to live. You will teach me patience as I know I will get frustrated w/ you when you do stupid things or act in a way that I deem "immature." But in learning to forgive you I will only learn to love you more. For this is love, of a friend, and as a human, to know someone's faults and love them anyway. For I know you; you can be petty and selfish and childish and idealistic and judgmental. But you know what, I can be the exact same way. I cannot fault you--please forgive me for being human? We were created this way! There is nothing to forgive. There is nothing to take back or wish to change. And as I learn this and learn to love you I will learn to live. For you will impact my life in ways that I cannot imagine, and I yours; once we have touched each other's lives we will not be able to leave it w/out feeling the deep loss. I need you to need me. I need you to love me. I need you to want me. It is not hard for me to love and to give of myself; that is part of the problem. I give too much. I need someone who will give as much to me as I give to him. That person will be you. I will know you then b/c you will give to me in such amounts that I am overwhelmed by the force of it. But I know you must be ready for this relationship and perhaps you are not right now, which is why you are not in my life right now. But I feel your absence and I long for the day when you are ready. Someday you will have the time to make me a priority and I will be what you need, what you want. At that time we will meet up--whether again or for the first time, I am not one to say. But then it will be right and there might be questions and doubts but these feelings we have, these feelings are given to us by the Holy Spirit, and if we always turn to him in prayer, the Lord will guide us along, and we will not be mislead, we will not be mistaken. I've made mistakes before in my life and I know that the one for me, you, you will be able to forget them, to forgive me and see me as I am, someone special and precious, one of our Heavenly Father's daughters. With that in mind how can we not love each other? Our friendship and our love will transcend all boundaries. You will be the reason my heart has a song. With you I can be myself, w/ all my eccentricies and all my delicacies that most people don't understand. You will understand and you will cherish them b/c they are me, all me. I am lonely now b/c I don't have that part of me, the part that is you. I don't even know you but someday I will. My whole life is preparation for when we meet that I will be ready. The heartache I sometimes feel will diminish with time, and it's all worth it when I think of the kind of person that is waiting for me. Sometimes you will find me overbearing and dominant but you just have to learn how to speak to me, and I'll do my best not be that way. I have my opinions and ideas and I start to think they are the only legitimate ones, but I will listen to you, when we make a decision it will be the both of us. We will work together, we will be a team, in all we do. I can't stress enough how much I need you. I know what it's like to feel unimportant and unnecessary in people's lives. I need to feel needed. And the same--I won't take you for granted. We can't do that to each other. The gift of love is too rare to just take for granted. We always have to be grateful for it and for each other. I will always try to make you feel special and loved and if I fail--tell me. Honesty is essential in this relationship. Don't hold something back b/c you are afraid you will hurt me. I hate being hurt but I'd rather be hurt than feel as though there is something I am doing wrong. If I do something wrong tell me. Then I can fix it, at least. Don't leave me wondering why things changed and if I could have done something to change it. I don't want any unnecessary tension in our relationship--and most tension is unnecessary. It's not complicated, but we have to communicate. We both have to understand what's happening, what's going on. Otherwise the whole thing is pointless. It won't last for eternity and we won't even want it to. When I find the person who understands what I'm saying with this I know I will have found the one. Someone who's been hurt and knows what it's like, how it feels to want to be w/ someone. I want someone to want to be w/ me. I want someone to make me feel loved and special and important. Someone besides my family and my God for I know he loves me, but we weren't created to live out our lives alone, and I will always feel a certain emptiness until I find that person. It will be a long time I know and I try to fill the gap sometimes but I always end up emptier but you won't do that to me. You are the one person in my life who will not leave me alone in the end. Tamara Hart |