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Commerce employee and quantum mathematics guru Colin Jeffcoat decided to burn the midnight oil last night, but ended up accidentally burning his own house down by mistake. The 78 year old Quan lecturer and bicycle maker purchased the midnight oil from Mitre 10 two days ago for the low low price of just $14.95. The only problem was that the midnight oil was from Germany, so the instructions were in German. "I didn't know what to do," said Colin, the ageing ex fish munger "I tried pouring some into a saucepan and leaving it on the element for a long amount of time, but nothing happened." Colin then put a rag into the can of the midnight oil and set the rag on fire. "The shit hit the fan about then." said Colin, who was still shaking from shock. "The midnight oil was burning nicely until I accidentally knocked it in to the box underneath it. I knew I shouldn't of balanced the can on the arm of my chair, just above a box full of oily rags, fireworks, unused matches and rolled up newspapers soaked in petrol." Mr Jeffcoat's house was alight in a matter of seconds. Luckily for Mr Jeffcoat he had few possessions. "I lost my favourite dish, my Abba record, my wooden spoon, my extensive collection of FHM magazines and, um, there was something else, oh yeah my dog Slappy. I found the dog all burnt up, my magazines all scorched and my Abba record all melted, but I think the dish ran away with the spoon." Not long after that Mr Jeffcoat was taken away in a white van wearing a straight jacket. |
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