This is my letter to the shittiest band of all time, SLACK. Wow, I thought "Jimmys Steak and Beans Parade" was a kick arse band, but you guys rock the house mother fucker. The hard riffs with the nipple-hardening bass and drumming reminisent of Steve "Boomshanka" Phillips from "The Devils Crust" make you guys sound like the bees mother fuckin knees. Slack rulz, and all my friends (stinky Jim, gammy Glen, One nut John and Smelly minge binge fred) now know the malevolent greatness that lies within the band. I thought metal reached its peak in 1989 when "Scrotesack" rocked the casbar, but you guys, you guys brought it back from the fiery pit of hell, and dragged its steamy carcus into the recording studio, removed its eyes and fucked it in the eye sockets. Did I say how much I think you guys rock. My liver swells with pride whenever I listen to "fist", my personal favorite. Anyway, I don't want to stifle your creative genius any longer, and I hope you guys sell hundreds more ablums. Oh yeah, my younger brother loves you to, he wanted me to say that. He's 12 and has tourettes syndrome. When he has his swearing fits we lock him in a box and kick it until he stops. He then listens to my Slack record to get over the bruises. Your band is the only one he likes. His name is Wayne, but we call him mary. He said that you can call him Mary too, cause he only lets his friends call him Mary. We call him Mary because we caught him in just his y-fronts with a sheep last year ("Mary had a little lamb, e-i-e-i-o", you know). He says he wasn't doing anything wrong, but I don't believe him.   Yours Rockingly   Alfonzo Belushi   I better be assimilated

This is Slacks reply

hey....i got your stupid sarcastic email the FIRST time...ok?

whoever you are, you can say whatever you want....IT WONT PHASE ME......this band is RISING.....so while i'm ONSTAGE having a BLAST.....and getting PAID for it....you are sitting on your ASS doing NOTHING......finding it neccessary to send STUPID EMAIL to people that don't even KNOW you.......i think that that is the TEXTBOOK EXAMPLE of a LOSER.......just the fact that you found it NECCESSARY to sit down.....write that RETARDED email....and then send it to me AGAIN.....shows:

1. you have got ALOT of time on your hands.....go outside....it's beautiful out 2. you obviously have an inferiority complex......needing me to see your stupid words 3. you are VERY JEALOUS, being that i don't KNOW you and have done NOTHING to you 4. you are a loser to the Nth degree

so have fun writing your stupid emails to me.......the whole band sits around......looking at it....laughing about what a MORON you are....while we get ready for our NEXT show where we get PAID....have fun......get LAID....and LAUGH at jealous imbeciles like you........hey.....i think i hear your MOMMY calling you......time to take out the garbage......

bye bye........and don't worry.......one day you'll figure out what you're good at..... rev. furious

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