|
46 year-old Neil "Pug" Smith of Waikikamukau was shocked and disturbed yesterday when he found a blonde pubic hair in his soap. "My hair is black, and I live alone so I'm stumped. It can't be mine," said Mr Smith as he nervously adjusts his glasses, "My pubes are darker, curlier, longer and thicker than the accursed pube found on my soap." Scientists believe that it was most probably a woman's pubic hair due to the depth of finger nail engravings on the soap. "You can see where the culprit has tried to remove incriminating evidence by trying to scratch out other pubic hairs with their finger nails. The engraving is quite deep, so it was probably a woman." said Waikikamukau's only Scientist Norman Keall. When asked about any blonde woman at his house over the weekend, Neil said "Blonde woman, shit, I don't think so. I was pretty drunk the whole weekend so I don't really know." Mr Smith, who is affectionately known as "Pug" to his friends, has his own theory about how the blonde pubic hair got on his beloved cake of soap "It was those barsted evil gnomes from next door. They're always giving me grief. I bet you they put the blonde pubic hair on the soap to taunt me and to make me go mad. Its a conspiracy I tells ya!! One time, they attacked me with shovels and pitch forks. The next day I woke up in the neighbours front lawn covered in blood and lying in a pool of my own vomit. I think I was drunk then too." |
|
