This is a story about this guy I know, who is known by everyone as the oom-tih guy. You maybe wondering "Why the fuck is this person called the oom-tih guy". Well, the reason is, he walks around making sounds like a little techno machine. "Oom-tih oom-tih oom-tih oom-tih", thats all you here from him. Well, one day, when me and him were camping, and it was about 9 at night and we were in our tent talking. Being typical males we decided to have a little farting competition, which I thought I might have had a better chance of winning, being 2 years his senior, therefore 2 more years flatulance experience (reigning champion of the Wairarapa duck shooting farting competition, including 3 gold medals and an unbeaten record, and also a strong record against close rival Neil Hair this year). Anyway we started off, I let off one and felt pretty proud. Then "brrrt, brrrt, brrrt", the oom-tih guy let off three in quick succesion. Shocked and in dismay, I couldn't stage a come back. Then the oom-tih guy added insult to injury by letting off more at a regular interval. "What the fuck have you been eating man" I asked. "Oh, I can make myself fart" he said in return. "You barsted!" I shouted, "How the fuck can I compete with you, when you can make yourself fart". "I thought you knew" he said, "Bollocks to that." I said disapointed at my failure, "How do you do it?" I asked him. "Well, I just suck air in through my ear canal, and then fart". "Bullshit!" I shouted "Buuullllshiiiit". He then preceded to tell me this story, the story of how he almost died. "Nah man nah, there was this time right, when I was swimming with my family at the pools, and I was stuck under the water. I couldn't breath, so I stuck my ear out of the water and sucked some air in my ear, it travelled down my back, then I farted and the air bubbles slowly rised towards my mouth". "Sick dude" I said, "Hold on, theres more" he told me "I sucked up the fart bubbles and they kept me alive", "Wow" I said. "And you know what, it tasted like cheese". True story.
