The Politically-Incorrect Sexual Harassment Policy
For Guys.
A non-official guide to when you should be engaged in "employee relations" (expurgated for the prudish).
This Policy Statement has not been officially approved by anybody in our organization (and never will be).
Consistent with our Policy, a woman (who doesn't have a penis) is going to tell you what to do with yours. (You can determine how "Politically Correct" that is, on your own time.)
In today's American society, anything you can do, say, feel, or think can be perceived as "sexual harassment" by somebody.
A penis is a wonderful part of the human body. However, it has several predispositions that may get the rest of your body in big trouble:
It ALWAYS has one eye out for its gratification, but has no foresight to the consequences of its actions.
It has a mind of its own, but NO brain-cells in its little head. It doesn't know any better.
It has NO ears, so it cannot HEAR a thing you say to it.
Since it sticks OUT, it is ALWAYS looking for some place to be IN. (It doesn't CARE where that place is, so long as it is IN.)
The following Policy is the best we can tell you:
F*cking is natural; your parents did it; it is how you got here (duh!).
However:
If it doesn't move ... don't f*ck it (that hurts).
If it has more legs than you do ... don't f*ck it (show some respect).
If you work for it ... don't f*ck it. (That will REALLY f*ck up things for you.)
If it works for you ... don't f*ck it. (That will f*ck up things for you even WORSE!)
Otherwise:
If it moves ... f*ck it.
If it moves a lot ... f*ck it ... a lot.
If it f*cks you back ... f*ck it back ... some more.
Don't ask; don't tell. (Don't dare smile!)
It's your life ... we don't want to know about it....
Just don't f*ck it up!
