Chapter 13 This had not been his finest moment. The warp engines were not responding, the communications system was one step above two tin cans and a string, and he had miscalculated a response when they were pulled into the wormhole; it was a miscalculation that had almost destroyed the ship, and thus all of Earth. McCoy was already making grumbling noises about being scared out of his wits, and his second-in-command was being quite patronizing. Had he been away too long? Had he lost his edge? Was he past the point of being able to command this vessel? He had to admit the doubts were more than just nagging at him. Shaking them off, he knew he had a job to do. This was not the time to doubt his ability. Any hesitation would cost them all their lives. James Kirk went into full command mode. He began by assessing their current situation and then by demanding everything Scotty could give him, and more. While reviewing the latest status report, he noticed the bridge crew had focused their attention toward something behind him. He turned in his chair and, in one fraction of a second, his soul was ripped open right there on the bridge. “Spock!” he exclaimed. He felt as if a power greater than any he had ever encountered pulled him from his chair. Forward, it drew him until he was gripping the rail. He didn’t realize he had uttered the name again until he recognized his own voice. “Spock...” he breathed. Spock looked at Jim with no emotion at all, their eyes held for a moment, but he turned away and went right to work feeding the calculations into the computer that would bring the warp engines back online “I offer my services as science officer,” Spock was saying. Jim was jolted back to the present. There were several moments where shock had replaced reality. He had no true recollection of the exact actions on the bridge during that brief period, and his doubts in himself returned. Did seeing Spock reinforced the fact that he was no longer capable of command? No! He had never allowed his personal life to interfere with his ability to command. He would not allow it to do so now. He was capable of handling any situation that presented itself, including this one. With that, he realized his days as a pawn were over. Even the lifeless eyes that met his before boarding the lift could not dissuade him. Whatever happened, it would be because he would use his expertise and instincts to guide this crew. Taking charge, he handled each event as it arose, as he saw fit. “We need him...I need him.” He had leaned forward toward Spock and looked him directly in the eye. He wanted to leave no doubt what he was saying. He needed Spock’s experience for the success of this mission. Beyond that, he wanted both of these men in his life. Anything else would be up to them to decide later. But he knew he would not let either of them go again without a fight. “Jim, how do we know about any of us?” McCoy had asked. Jim stared at his friend. Jim knew. He couldn’t explain it to Bones, not yet, maybe not ever. But, for the first time since that night in Spock’s cabin, he knew what he had to do. And at last he could finally face the demons that had haunted him for all of these years. These were the same demons that had ripped his power away from him as a youth and had driven him headlong through the door of his cabin so many years later, the same demons that had swept him into the self-imposed prison of the Admiralty. He had lost control of his emotions, of his career, and of his life. And, just as he had done once before, he had found the strength to survive. He felt like a man who had just exited a long, dark tunnel and was relishing the light. They would get through this. Somehow, the three of them, the ship, the planet, they would all get through this. He would see to it. He had not achieved all he had by accepting defeat. His confidence in his abilities was unwavering. His confidence that the three of them could heal old wounds was short lived. V’ger, as the probe masquerading as his former navigator referred to the being, was rapidly approaching Earth with the intention of reducing all carbon-based units to engrams in some computer bank. Decker was getting little information from the probe, but there were brief moments that they seemed to relate on a level beyond the perceptible. Will once had a relationship with Ilia, and Jim hoped that on this level, a connection could be established with which to reach the entity. But as time passed, Jim knew their time was running out. With V’ger taking up a position on the outer rim of Earth’s orbit, and their survival in question, the sight of Spock disappearing into the gaping maw of the cloud shook Jim to his very core. Spock had made it clear what he hoped to find in his connection with V’ger; a symbiotic connection with the perfectly ordered logic he sensed coming from the heart of the being. It was this that Spock had failed to achieve on Vulcan and something he hoped to obtain from the entity. And Jim knew, whether he had minutes or decades to live, he could never be whole without him. There were two men who owned a part of his soul. It had not been taken, they had not stolen it from him; he had freely given a part of himself to each many years before. He was prepared to follow Spock into the belly of the beast, knowing that he, too, would find his answers inside. It was not logic, but salvation that he sought. Calculating his entry to coincide with the rhythmic opening of the orifice, he saw the lifeless form drift from the aperture and float toward him. He captured the motionless body and held it tight until they could be pulled back into the ship. Helpless until they could be processed through the pressure lock, he used all of his power to channel his energy into Spock, trying desperately to get him to hold on. If Spock had been right, if there had ever been a link between them, he needed Spock to feel all of the strength of that connection now. Leonard was waiting on them just outside the pressure chamber. Waiting as he had so many times before to repair the damage they seemed to, much too often, inflict on the fragile structures of their bodies. Quickly he removed the bubble helmet from Spock and began a preliminary scan. Expecting to see little activity on the small tricorder screen, he was exuberant with the readouts. They were far from normal, but they were very active. “He’s alive, Jim!” He had looked up had shouted. “I don’t know if I can keep him that way, his brain waves are completely out of kilter, but damnit, at least for now, he’s alive!” Standing, he turned to the transportation team and demanded, “Get him to sickbay, now!” Jim stripped off his own pressure suit and quickly followed the medical team. Rushing through the door, he saw Bones already had Spock on a biobed and was doing what he could to repair the damage. “The scanner on the bed isn’t working! Use the manual scanner!” the doctor was shouting toward Christine. Jim walked to the corner of the room and, keeping one eye on the bustle of activity that was taking place around the diagnostic platform, he loaded the data chip from Spock’s pressure suit into the computer. Shaking his head at what he saw, he turned to Bones, “If it’s any help, he tried to meld with that thing!” “Crazy Vulcan!” Bones exclaimed as he took another look at the monitor above the bed and turned his attention to Jim. “What the hell was he trying to do?” “Communicate. Find answers. The same thing we’ve all been searching for, Bones.” Leonard nodded. Jim’s meaning was clear. They had all searched for answers these last years and, until returning to this ship, none of them had found any. He didn’t know about Jim or Spock, but he knew that in this last day he had found his own answers. This is where he belonged, in Starfleet, at the side of one obstinate Vulcan and the man with the gold-flecked eyes. He looked once more at the readouts. He would do all in his power to save Spock. Everything else he would leave up to Jim. He had entrusted his life to this man before, and he would do so now. He had repaired the physical damage. The rest was up to a greater power than his if Spock were to survive. Bones left the bedside and walked toward Jim. “How is he, Bones?” Jim looked toward the lifeless form on the bed. Leonard shook his head. “The power pouring through that mind meld must have been staggering.” There was a sound from the bed. A laugh? Bones and Jim moved quickly to his side. “Spock,” Jim said. The eyes opened and looked at him. “Jim, I should have known,” Spock said. “Were you right? About V’ger?” Spock nodded. “A lifeform of its own, a conscious, living, entity. “V’ger has knowledge that spans the universe. And yet, for all it’s logic, V’ger is barren...cold...no mystery...no beauty.” As unconsciousness tried to reclaim him, he whispered, “I should have known.” The eyes, which had appeared so bright a moment before, closed. “Known? Known what?” There was no response. “Spock!” Jim called as he grabbed his friend by the shoulders, prepared to shake him back to consciousness if that’s what it took. He felt a hand on his arm, Bones’ hand, trying to pull him away. “Captain,” Bones said. He knew what Bones was telling him. Spock needed rest, but there was no time to rest. The ship, the crew, and Earth, were all just minutes away from destruction. He pulled his arm from the doctor’s grip. “Bones!” he commanded. He could not be stopped, not now, not even by this man. He placed his hands again on Spock’s shoulders and shook him gently. The answer was locked inside of Spock, and Jim needed those answers, now. “Spock...what should you have known? What should you have known?” He heard the urgency in his voice, but so must have Spock for the eyes opened. A hand, a warm, powerful hand gripped his biceps. For just a brief moment, he thought Bones was trying to pull him away again, but this was not Bones' hand. “Jim...” Spock whispered as he tightening his grip. This touch burrowed through the material, beneath the skin and into his soul to fill the ache that had been ever present these last years. The hand slid down his arm until the hot hand captured his. For a moment the gulf of time that had separated them disappeared. “This...simple feeling, is beyond V’ger’s comprehension.” The look in Spock’s eyes left no doubt what he was telling him. Had he not seen it in the eyes, he would have felt it through the touch. Jim closed his other hand over that one gripping his hand. It was love that V’ger lacked. And…this simple feeling…was beyond V’ger’s understanding. V’ger had expelled Spock when they touched consciousness. The love he felt, the love he had tried to deny for so long, was so strong, that V’ger had rejected him with a viciousness that had propelled him out of the inner chamber. “No meaning,” Spock continued, “no hope, and Jim, no answers. It’s asking questions.” “What questions?” “Is this all I that I am? Is there nothing more?” ‘More,’ Jim thought, ‘is there more?’ Chapter 14 When Spock grasped his hand in sickbay, Jim had felt some of that old feeling creeping in, tempting him to make a most inappropriate move. But, at the sound of the comm, he stopped himself from leaning over Spock and brushing his lips against those he remembered being so soft and warm. Convincing himself these feelings were nothing more than gratitude that an old friend had survived, he straightened, released the hand and got back to the business of saving the planet. In the days that followed, Spock had been reserved. He did not avoid Jim, but neither did he seek him out. The Vulcan veneer was tightly in place. Reports regarding the recent events were given with Spock standing straight, hands clasped tightly behind his back, and making only what eye contact was necessary. His body language couldn’t have been any clearer if there had a minefield around him. He didn’t want Jim, or anyone for that matter, any closer than absolutely necessary. For the time being, that was fine with Jim. He didn’t want to do anything to make Spock run back to Vulcan. He knew whatever the relationship became in the future, it would have to be taken slowly. And, even though he had tried to get past it, there were those same issues regarding that night which still had him uncertain. But, even on this level, he was glad to have both of them back in his life. Keeping their relationship on a professional level, for now, was wise. The Enterprise had run through a brief shakedown and a list of repairs and adjustments was compiled. “That’a’way,” Jim had commanded, but they had not traveled far before the ramifications of the rush to launch were fully understood. Beyond the damage that had been caused by the magnetic fields from V’ger, food synthesizers didn’t work, the air replacement system was straining, the turbolifts would stop where they weren’t supposed to, and even when they did stop, the doors wouldn’t open when they should. But when Scotty found the dilithium crystals were draining faster than the engines could handle, they headed back to spacedock. Once the ship was tethered to the remotes, all prepared to transport to the ground station. Returning to his quarters, Spock took this time to kneel before the small firepot. This, and a medallion which had been dropped at his knees just ten standard days before, were all of the personal possessions he carried with him when he left Vulcan. He needed time to put these last days in perspective. To fail to do so, could lead him into the same mistakes he had allowed before. Opening his eyes in sickbay, he had been met by the faces of the two men who threatened to undo all he had accomplished these last years. True, he had failed to rid himself of his emotions regarding these men, but he had learned to master them. His shields were once again firmly in place when he reported to the bridge. The events of the next hours were intense enough to take his mind off of his momentary lapse upon regaining consciousness. It was not until Mr. Scott told him that they could have him back on Vulcan in four days that he realized what he must do. He remembered Jim’s face as he leaned over him in sickbay and he saw, for just a second, forgiveness in the gold-flecked eyes. The decision was made. His response had been, “My mission on Vulcan is complete.” Kneeling before the glowing object of Vulcan meditation, he fought to regain the composure he had come aboard with. He could not allow himself the luxury of desire for Kirk and McCoy. He may not be able to extinguish the burning he felt for them, but he was determined to subdue these sensations. Pressing his hands together, even days later he could still feel the heat where Jim’s hand had been held tight within his own. He had felt his own emotions bubbling to the surface during the meld with V’ger and he had been powerless to stop them. Now, they were open and fresh. The actions that occurred two point six years earlier played out in his mind as if they had happened just moments before. Death would have been easier than hurting these men again. He should have died. Now he had to regain control. But control did not come easily. Not with the clarity of such memories haunting him, consuming him, driving him with a need as intense as the one that had driven V’ger to seek that which would make it complete. These were the same desires he had been powerless over since the day James Kirk appeared before him. It was more than seven years since the golden man had stepped from the platform, and, in an instant, he had known his life was no longer his own. And it had also been the dark one, the one who had constantly challenged his very nature with blatant emotionalism and, using a sharp tongue as skillfully as any medical instrument, had carved a place in his soul. In those first years, he had struggled to suppress thoughts of a physical relationship with them. These desires had, on many occasions, driven him to his quarters in the quest of privacy in which to meditate. When that failed, as it often did, he had learned to resort to manually manipulating himself to minimize the overwhelming need to seek them out. He remembered the night when longing had become reality. He could still taste the sweetness of their mouths, the softness of their hands, and the sight of them naked and aroused. On that night, the sounds of their pleasure had filled his cabin with an erotic chorus of gasping breaths, soft moans and spoken desires. The feel of their hard heat against him had transported him to the depths of passion he had only before imagined. He had tasted the saltiness still clinging to the soft, pink lips as he claimed the mouth with his own; the plea was whispered to him with a need he had never expected to hear from James Kirk. The memory of those hands exploring him and those mouths claiming him was as clear as it had been on that night. There was no known drink or drug that was as intoxicating as the feel and taste of their combined, unleashed passions. For those few, brief moments, the three of them had been one entity, each feeling the other’s pleasure. In that moment, he had lost himself. In the hours that followed, the impact of his weakness had become clear. Jim had covered them, mistaking his shivers as being caused from chill. They were not. The shivering of his body was due to the power of the emotions that surged through him. Then there was the realization of the pain that had been brought to both when his needs overcame his logic. Now, given the chance to right the wrongs of that night, he vowed he would never again allow that to occur. He would never again allow himself the pleasure of these memories. He would draw on all he had achieved at Gol to suppress any thoughts he may have regarding a physical relationship with either of these men. He would do all in his power to serve them and, if it took the remainder of his days, to undo the hurt he had caused. Chapter 15 Once the V’ger situation was over, James Kirk had been credited with saving the planet. He knew damned well that his bargaining power had just increased tenfold. Starfleet Command would be unable to deny him any request after this. He had sent two of his crew members off into some other dimension, but according to Nogura, although a very unfortunate loss, it was an entire sector saved. Even Komack couldn’t deny the fact that Kirk had pulled off the ultimate rescue. He certainly didn’t like the fact that it was Kirk who had accomplished this feat, but neither could he deny it. Jim was well aware that both Spock and Leonard were staying in San Francisco until all information regarding V’ger had been processed. There had been little time to discuss any future plans before they were back in spacedock. Bones had said he was going to remain in Starfleet, but Jim wasn’t sure what plans Spock had in mind. Spock had stated that his mission on Vulcan was completed, but Jim didn’t know exactly what that was supposed to mean. He hoped that Spock was also willing to stay with Starfleet. As an admiral, Jim appreciated Spock’s value to the service. As a man, he knew his personal feelings went much deeper. He knew he would do all in his power to keep him from running off to some other part of the galaxy. Jim wanted to still have contact with him in whatever capacity Spock chose that contact to be. The Enterprise still had a long way to go before she was going to be deep space ready. What Scotty and his team had spent years working on, was now in shambles. Kirk went back to the apartment in San Francisco. There were a lot of decisions to be made. He needed to decide just where he wanted to fit in with Starfleet, or for that matter, out of Starfleet. He stood looking out of the window, but it was the lights of the bay that held his attention. The need to search for the group of blue lights against the black sky no longer seemed all consuming. The door signal sounded, bringing Jim back to the present. Walking to the unit on the table, he activated the lift access to the apartment. He was not surprised to see Bones when the door slid open. Since Leonard had returned to the ship, their relationship, for the most part, had been pleasant. Even to the point of feeling the camaraderie that had defined their earlier years together. “Hello, Bones,” Jim greeted him. “May I come in?” he asked. “Sure,” Jim said, stepping aside, “come on in.” “I brought some good ol’ Kentucky Bourbon. Care to join me?” “Sure, why not. There doesn’t seems to be any crises’ going on tonight.” Leonard mumbled something about 'thanking God for small favors' as he poured them both a glass of the amber liquid. They toasted “Success” and spent the first round of drinks discussing the mission and the mood around Headquarters since their return. After all of the small talk had been covered, and another round of the potion tossed back, Leonard looked at Jim and asked, “I know you weren’t ready to deal with the past after the original mission ended, but do you think we can talk about it now? Talk about what took place that night? Maybe, if not forgive, then at least find a way to get past it?” “I am past it, Bones. What’s there to talk about? That was a long time ago, and we’re all different people now. I’ve been able to just let it go.” Even now, there were issues about that night that he had not been able to let go of. But after these last days, and an epiphany or two, he had decided to ignore what had happened before. He saw no reason to confess to Bones that just fifteen days ago, in this very room, he had fallen apart over this subject. But that was in the past, and he felt that with both McCoy and Spock being there when he needed them, they had at least laid a foundation to begin again. He felt certain that they would not be able to pick up where they had left off. He wasn’t even sure that any of them would want that. “Jim, I can’t just let it go. It was a hell of a ride to be back together and on a mission again, but I’ve been living with that evening for over two years. Hell, it took me most of that time to just stop being numb. Jim, please, help me.” Jim looked at his old friend and saw the pain in his face. ‘He’s carried this with him just as I have,’ he thought. “All right, then, what’s on your mind?” “You are, Jim. I need to know what happened that night. What’s your perception of what went on? I thought we had just found each other. But before it even gets a chance to take hold, it’s all over.” “Bones, that night was a mistake for all of us. Can’t we just leave it at that?” “No, Jim, I can’t. Hell, I’ve watched you push away anyone who could mean anything to you for all of these years. Don’t you know you’ll never find any peace until you start listening to your heart?” “My heart? That’s what got us into this mess. Dammit, Bones, what’s not to understand? The two of you cooked up that catastrophe! I didn’t know what the two of you had planned when I walked into Spock’s quarters that night. I was actually fool enough to believe what happened was spontaneous, not something that you and Spock had conceived to bring me into your game. I don’t know how long the two of you had been lovers, but to use your relationship to try to control me was something I never expected, certainly not from either of you. I trusted you, dammit. More than I’ve ever trusted anyone, I trusted both of you.” Jim was feeling the heat beneath his collar. He fought against his rising anger. He didn’t want this to take them right back to where they were two and a half years ago. “Game? What game, Jim? Spock wasn’t my lover! Sure, I’d wanted him to be. Hell, I’d had the same fantasies about you! But you were there.” Leonard could not sit still. He got up from the chair and paced as he spoke. “Spock and I didn’t have some kinda sexual game going on! Jim,” he stopped pacing and his voice grew soft, “that was the first time I ever touched Spock in that way. It was the first time I’d ever touched another male in that way.” “But that doesn’t make sense, Bones. Spock told me that you two had planned it the night before. That he had become aware of your desire to include me through physical contact. Then there was the setup in his cabin, and you…hell, you were just lying there grinning while he is asking us to be his lovers.” “Oh God! Jim…no! You’ve got this all wrong! It’s true that Spock and I discussed the possibility of the three of us becoming lovers. Hell, once I understood what he was proposing, I jumped at the chance! And, yes, he had sensed our desire, which matched his own, through the many melds and touches we were prone to in those days. Dammit, Jim, what do you think he was picking up from you during all of those wrestling sessions in the gym? He’s a touch telepath, for God’s sake!” Bones sat down in the chair facing Jim, and leaned forward. “Jim,” he continued, “let me tell you what happened the night he came to me, the evening prior to the one when we ended up in his cabin. Chapter 16 “I’d been working late to try to get all of the inventory and reports ready for docking. I was the only one in the lab and, buried knee-deep in work, was concentrating on getting everything in order. I was trying to make some sense out of a data chip that was not complete, when I looked up and Spock was leaning against the door. Let me tell you, he scared the shit out of me! I thought I was the only one left in that end of the ship. Well, after I got my breath back, I asked him what I could do for him. “He said he wanted to talk to me about a situation that had arisen. It was something of a personal nature. Looking around, he saw there were crates stacked everywhere and no place to sit. He asked if there was a place we could discuss it. I told him sure. It was late, I was ready to take a break, and I suggested we go to my cabin. He agreed. Once there, I offered him something to drink, knowing he would refuse, and low and behold he accepted! I went to the cabinet and poured us both a glass of brandy. “I asked him what was eating him, and he gave me the stock answer that nothing was attempting to consume him, or some such bullshit. I could tell he was stalling. For Spock to stall, I knew it had to be serious. I turned around, ready to give him some blasted reply, but, for just a moment, I saw something in his face that I had never seen before. There was a softness, an openness that almost took my breath away. Of course, he recovered as soon as I looked at him, and I began to think I had imagined it. I’d been imagining a lot of things back then, with Spock, and yes, Jim, with you.” Leonard reached for the bottle and refilled his glass. “Bones, I understand. You don’t have to…” “Let me get this out, Jim. Hell, it’s embarrassing enough to have to admit all of this, but let me get it over with. It’s something I have to do.” Jim nodded, “Okay, Bones. What happened next?” “I handed him his glass and I asked him what it was he wanted to discuss. He lifted the glass and took a sip. He turned and went to the couch and sat down on one end and I joined him. After a long pause when it seemed he was trying to find the right words, he turned to me and said, ‘Doctor, ...Leonard.’ Now, right off he had my interest. Do ya know that was the first time he ever called me by my given name? Anyway, he continued, ‘I have recently become aware of some emotional...interest that you may be feeling toward me. I would like to discuss that possibility.’ “Well, I sure didn’t know where he was goin’ with this, but my first reaction was that he was about to tell me he was a Vulcan and that any feelings toward him were misplaced. I wasn’t sure what to say, so I asked, ‘Possibility, Spock? Do ya mean the possibility that I may have feelings toward you, or do ya mean the possibility of acting on those feelings?’ “He flicked up an eyebrow, you know how he does, and said, ‘Perhaps first we must confirm whether or not these feelings exist. Do they?’ he asked. “Jim, I have’ta tell ya, I started to deny it. It would’a been easy to tell him he was outta his Vulcan mind and drop it. But the mission was ending, and I knew if I didn’t take this opportunity, it’d probably never get another chance. ‘Yes,’ I finally answered. ‘But, please understand, I don’t want to do anything to upset the apple cart, Spock. I value the friendship I have with you and Jim, far above anything else that I desire.’ “He turned in the seat toward me, this time both of his eyebrows had disappeared under his hair. He asked, ‘Am I to understand that these desires are directed toward Jim as well? That you desire both of us?’ “Jeeze! I knew I’d really stepped into it then! How could I tell him what I felt when we were together. How could he understand how much I wanted you? How hard I’d tried to conceal my desire to touch you? To touch both of you? I’d come this far, so I admitted that, yes, I was attracted to you both. “He just nodded and said that he understood. Well, I sure wasn’t gettin’ the whole picture, so I asked him just what was it that he understood. “He answered, ‘How there can be an attraction to more than one individual.’ “Well, for Spock to understand an emotional attachment really had me curious. ‘How can you understand that?’ I asked. “He looked straight at me and said, ‘I have found myself in a similar emotional state.’ “Well, I about choked on the brandy, but managed to sputter something to the effect of, ‘Toward who?’ “At first, I didn’t think he was going to answer me, and to tell you the truth, I didn’t really want to know. I wasn’t sure I could handle finding out that he was interested in someone else, even if it was you, not with the feelings I’d developed toward him. He stood up and walked to the center of the room, and just when I thought he was going to leave, he turned to me and said, ‘The captain and yourself.’ “Jim, I didn't know what to say. I felt like my brain was on overload. Sure, like I said, I’d had fantasies, but I never considered the possibility that he had too! Trying not to scare him off, I looked up and said, ‘Well, I guess we need to decide where we go from here.’ “He nodded, took another sip of the brandy and said, ‘I have detected a similar response from Jim. I have not approached him regarding this. The frequent physical contact and mind melds that we have shared have served to make me more receptive to his thoughts than to yours. It is my belief that he feels the same desire for us. However, I have been unwilling to discuss this with him. It is my concern that he will perceive this link as emotional eavesdropping. It had been my hope that he would approach one of us regarding this, but, now that the mission coming to a close, there is a time factor involved.’ Now that he had admitted his feelings, he was trying to sort out how you would react to this. “I understood. And, he was right. There was no telling how you would have accepted this. I finally said, ‘Spock, forgive me, I haven’t had the time to collect my thoughts on this subject that you have, but it’s my opinion that if you’re interested in pursing a relationship that involves Jim, you should let him know. You’re his subordinate officer and, even more important, his friend. If you think he’s having these feelings, and you’re interested, then you should let him know you’d be receptive.’ Never mind the fact that I was givin’ him the same advice that I had been afraid to take all those years. Then I asked him, ‘I have to know, where do I fit into this?’ “I remember he sat his glass on the table and turned to me. It seemed he drew a long breath before he answered, ‘It would be my utmost desire, Leonard, that we, the three of us, would be capable of moving our relationship to a physical level.’ “Jim, you could’ve knocked me over with a feather. You don’t know how many times I’d dreamed about just such an arrangement. But that’s all it was, just a lot’a mental meanderings that occurred in the darkness of my cabin.” Jim noticed the flush that darkened Bones’ cheeks. In the years he had known this man, it was one of the few times he had seem him embarrassed. “It’s okay, Bones,” Jim reassured his friend. “I’d been having the same kind of fantasies, just not with you both...together.” Jim smiled and Bones smiled back, seeming to relax a bit. “Go on, what else happened?” Jim urged. Leonard nodded and sat back on the sofa. “Well, I finally found the words to ask him, ‘Spock, let me get this straight, you want the three of us to become lovers?’ “Jim, there was a vulnerability in those eyes that melted me when he asked, ‘Could you be receptive to such an arrangement, Leonard?’ “How do you answer someone when they’ve just handed you everything you ever dreamed of? I finally managed to say, ‘Yes...I suppose...Yes I could. Hell, yes! But, I have to tell you, I’ve never had a...physical relationship with another male.’ “It was just a hint of one, but I swear there was a small smile that appeared on his lips when he replied, ‘Then, Doctor, on that point, we would be equals. However, if all are agreed, I believe the mechanics of the situation would work themselves out naturally.’ “He sat back down and for a few minutes, we didn’t say anything. It was kinda like we were just letting the idea soak in. After a few minutes of silence, I asked him, ‘So, what are you going to do? Are you going to approach Jim with this same offer?’ “He looked up and raised an eyebrow. I don’t think he had given this any thought. I don’t think he was expecting me to go along with this, to tell you the truth. As if he was thinkin’ it through as he spoke, he said, ‘Tonight Jim is scheduled for a vid-conference with Starfleet Command. Tomorrow he will be with the engineering staff for most of the day. Due to the constant demands on his time when he is in his cabin, we have scheduled the rec room on the officer’s deck for a chess game tomorrow evening. I assume that would be my first opportunity in which to determine how best to, or whether to, proceed. Since this involves you as well, would you care to join us?’ “I just shrugged and said, ‘Sure. Why not, I’ve had my life hinge on less than a chess game in the past!’ “He rose to leave, but, Jim, I realized how many times I’d allowed him to walk away from me when I wanted to stop him. On impulse, I reached out and touched his arm. ‘Spock,’ I said, not really knowing what I wanted to ask. I guess I was wondering if your agreeing to this was all that mattered. He took my hand and pulled me up, put his arms around me and kissed me. It felt like the whole god-damned ship had come out from under me. In that minute, I knew that my life would never be the same. I knew the only thing that could complete me was Spock-- and you. Your being there is the only thing that could’ve made that moment any better.” Home/Last Chapters |