Disclaimer:The characters of the Stephanie Plum Series belong to Janet Evanovich and are used here without permission. No copyright infringement is intended.
Note: There were many requests for a continuation of "It Will Never Happen". This is Tank's first chance to try and keep his New Year's resolution
It Will Never Happen - The First Attempt
By TT
I lay on my stomach, trying to ignore the intense pain radiating from my lower spine. There was little doubt in my mind I had just broken my tailbone.
As I forced the feeling of pain away, I became aware of the feeling of the bright blue latex paint oozing into my clothing and dripping down the back of my head and neck to pool near my mouth and nose.
I had little doubt in my mind that my skin was an interesting ash color under the blue.
“What were you thinking!” a frantic Stephanie screamed at her now cuffed skip.
“I know it may not seem like it, but there is a rational explanation,” the skip assured her.
I felt her more than saw her crouch down next to me. A moment later, her hand came to rest on my shoulder.
‘I am so sorry, Tank,” she apologized. I could hear the sincerity in her voice. “It seems like ever time you help me I just end up hurting you.”
“Not your fault,” I gritted out through my teeth. The sound of approaching sirens reached my ears. It may be humiliating to be found like this, taken down by an 88-year-old woman who was all of four feet, nine inches tall and weighed just about her age, but I knew the paramedics would have some good drugs.
Her voice tense, I heard Stephanie demand, “What could possibly be a rational explanation for this?”
“There have been some burglaries in the neighborhood recently,” she said, sitting primly with her hands cuffed and folded in her lap. “I had to protect myself.”
“So you poured oil on the kitchen floor by the doorway and set a gallon can of paint to swing down and hit the intruder?” Stephanie asked in disbelief.
“I saw it in one of those movies,” the skip defended.
I didn’t hear any more because just then the first cops entered the house, and promptly fell – hard – after slipping in the oil on the floor.
I hate hospital rooms, but at least I was getting out of this one. I just had to wait for the doctor. The door opened and I turned to see if it was she.
“So much for your New Year’s resolution,” he teased.
Great. Of all the people Ranger could have sent it had to be him. At least he had kept my resolution to himself.
“Year’s not over,” I replied, still hurting from my broken tailbone and, maybe, a little bruised pride.
He laughed and clapped me on the shoulder. “You keep dreaming, man,” he taunted. “It will never happen.”
I turned away from him as the door opened again. All I could think was, ‘We’ll see’.
End (for now)