Disclaimer: The characters of the Stephanie Plum series belong to Janet Evanovich and are used here without permission. No copyright infringement is intended.
Note: some angst
Pairing: Stephanie/Ranger
Rating: Suitable for people over 13
Feedback: Send comments to ttsmiscellany@yahoo.com

Sitting on the couch of the bond office, Stephanie had her files open. In truth, she wasn’t reading the contents, but instead thinking about all of the time she had wasted the past few years when she could have been getting better all along.

Six weeks ago, Valerie had asked for monetary assistance in sending Angie to England on some sort of study program. That same day she had opened her heart and revealed all her feelings and dreams to Ranger. He had rejected her and then disappeared ‘in the wind’.

That night she had a disastrous distraction followed by killing a man in self defense the next day. The fact that the man would have most likely gotten the chair anyway hadn’t helped.

Tank, feeling responsible, had spent the next few days making sure she was OK legally and emotionally. He’d done a pretty good job of getting her to work through her emotions by dragging her out running then to a local gym where she and Hector (the only Merry Man remotely her size) began working on takedown techniques and self defense.

Now, six weeks later, Stephanie felt stronger emotionally and physically. The fact that her skips now presented little problem only added to her comfort level. More than once she’d found herself saying “If I’d only known…” and contemplating the time she wasted fighting getting in shape and getting training.

The door to the office opened. Lula and Connie stopped talking. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end.

Knowing what that meant, Stephanie slowly turned to face the door. Sure enough, Ranger stood there, looking as hot as ever. But as their eyes met, she noticed a few changes. His skin looked pale, his eyes tired. His cheek bones were a little more prominent. All in all, Stephanie thought, he looks tired.

“Ladies,” he greeted the speechless duo. Then, turning his attention to the form on the couch, his voice softened as he said, “Babe.”

“Ranger,” Stephanie tried to say. Though her mouth formed the words, no sound came out. Somehow, when she saw him again, Stephanie thought she would be angry or hurt. Instead, she was worried about him.

Ranger shifted slightly. “Talk with me, Babe. Please?” he asked, looking a little unsure.

Stephanie didn’t hesitate. She flipped closed her file, grabbed her purse and headed toward the door. As she passed Ranger, who was holding open the door for her, she met his eyes and smiled at him. At some point in the past few weeks, she decided if she couldn’t have him, she would at least try to keep his friendship.

Stopping as she stepped onto the sidewalk, she blinked her eyes a few times to adjust her eyes. Rather than startle, she nearly melted when Ranger placed his hand on the small of her back and led him toward his BMW.

Once they were ensconced inside, Stephanie turned and waited for Ranger to start.

Several minutes later, he cleared his throat and began. Taking her hand in his, he looked in her eyes. “Steph, I hated that we left things the way we did. But I had no choice. I got called.”

Stephanie interrupted. “I know,” she said. “It took me a little while, but, well, something happened the next day that helped me put a lot of things in perspective.” She waffled a moment, debating if she really wanted to share the next part or not. Finally, she decided she would and let out a sigh. “It also helped that Tank confirmed you were called away. A message from you would have been better, though,” she added.

“I know,” Ranger admitted. “But there wasn’t time. My ride was already waiting when I got the call.” He stared into her eyes another moment. “Sometimes it’s like that. I don’t always have control over it. It’s why I can’t make you any promises.”

Sitting in the car, so close to him, holding his hands, many thoughts flitted through her mind before she finally got her thoughts in order. “I understand,” she assured. “I’ve lived it since I’ve known you. But the type of promise I’m asking for isn’t dependent on your location or your presence at dinner on Sunday or anything else. All I asked was that you love me and be mine. But I understand if that’s not what you want or what you’re ready for and will live with it.”

Ranger sighed, released her hands and sat back in his chair. His eyes stared out the windshield at nothing. “I can’t even promise that,” he whispered.

Stephanie stiffened. She took a deep breath and fought off the tears that pricked her eyes. How could even that be too much? Was she so unworthy?

Turning to look at her, Ranger’s face reflected hurt and guilt. He reached out and grabbed her hands, holding more tightly when she tried to pull them away. “No, Babe. It’s not whatever you’re thinking. You were right when you said the marriage and kids were what I wanted with you, not what you asked for from me.” He glanced away and closed his eyes. When he turned back to look at Stephanie, his face reflected the seriousness of what he was about to say. “This can’t get out, Stephanie,” he commanded. “We could both be arrested and thrown in federal prison if this ever gets out.”

“Don’t say it, then,” she urged. “I don’t want you to break a promise or an oath. I don’t want you to get in trouble. I just…”

Ranger leaned forward and silenced her with a quick, hard kiss. He shook his head once as if to clear it and watched Stephanie do the same. “I know. But you need to know this. Sometimes the jobs I do ‘in the wind’ involve using all of my skills, abilities and attributes to complete.”

Stephanie looked at him for several seconds trying to process what he said. At first she looked puzzled, then her eyes widened as she gained understanding, shock set in next followed by horror. “They can’t ask you to…” she sputtered, outraged. “That’s… That’s…”

Ranger disengaged one of his hands and pressed his fingers against her lips to stop her tirade. “That is sometimes what I need to do in order to get home safe and sound. That is why I can’t offer you any sort of relationship.”

Tears of anger and frustration filled Stephanie’s eyes at Ranger’s revelation. The thought of him with someone else, even if it was to save his life, pierced her heart. Intellectually she understood his reasons. She had heard several of the Merry Men spout similar reasons for joining the military in the first place – duty to country before duty to family or duty to self. She didn’t necessarily agree with it, but she had lived outside normal expectations enough to know that everyone deserved to hold their own beliefs and not be held to hers. Eventually, feeling she had herself under control. She kissed the fingers still pressed against her lips before taking his hand in her free one and moving it. Her eyes met his as she spoke. “I honor your decision to put your duty to country first,” she whispered, “but, when do you take time for duty to yourself?”

Before Ranger could answer, his cell phone rang, breaking the moment. Glancing down, he pulled the device from his belt and answered it. He said nothing for several minutes and then disconnected. Looking at Stephanie, he said, “Gotta go, Babe.”

“In the wind?” she asked, her voice small and soft.

Ranger nodded.

Leaning forward, Stephanie kissed him passionately before breaking it off and opening the passenger side door. As she was about to close it, she heard Ranger call her name. She stuck her head back in the car.

“Don’t go crazy,” Ranger offered, a soft smile on his face.

Stephanie returned the smile and inject all the love she felt for him into her next words. “Don’t get shot.”

To Be Continued in Part 7: Careful

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