["Doomsday" by Hatebreed hits the PA as Typhoon opens...]

Jackhammer: We are LIVE! And after a SHOCKING Pay-Per-View things are a little different around here Cecil.

Cecil: Hey, last week even messed US up a little, take a drink of scotch my friend.

Jackhammer: Well I never...Oh what the hell okay!

["Ghostchant" by Poison The Well hits the PA and Joseph David makes his way to the ring]

Jackhammer: Joseph David making his way to the ring now and he got attacked by I think his name was Damon Phanomen at Turning Point, and I think JD is pissed.

JD: Look around people...this is what we are trying to save. (pauses) You know I don't want to play the role of preacher, you all know my views of religion but let's face it, something is not right here...Especially not with Dez Whiting...

Cecil: That guy is scary.

JD: Now with the current events I run through my head shoould I come back? Should I come back and avenge myself?
(HUGE FAN POP)
Or should I lay dormant? Should I step back and try to oversee the battle and make my move later?
(CROWD BOOS)
You know what?...There was one saying throughout my career that I have made popular...

Cecil: Oh crap here we go.

JD: You don't know me, you don't wanna know me, and if you DID know me, you wish you would have never met me!

Jackhammer: Fans seem to like it here!

JD: Damon, at the next PPV, it's you and me, STEEL CAGE!

Jackhammer: We like that!

Cecil: Shut up fatty.

JD: It's not because of anything personal, it's as simple as you DON'T FUCK WITH JOSEPH DAVID!

Dez: Oh but I tend to differ JD.

Jackhammer: Out comes Dez Whiting as this place is booing like hell, they do not like Dez!

Dez: Don't mind her, she's just a well...slut.

Jackhammer: the nerve of HIM! No respect for anyone!

Dez: Joseph David doesn't have it anymore, and YOU KNOW IT...The thing is I have to decide if I WANT to schedule that match for the PPV JD...Maybe I'll decide not to!

JD: (kicks Dez in the gut and gives him a Satan's Remorse!)

Jackhammer: Oh my God! Dez is out cold! Wait!

Cecil: Damon Phanomonamonon!

Jackhammer: He just cracked JD's head open with a steel chair! He takes JD...OH NO. He just hit a Tiger Tombstone on that chair! Someone get help for JD!

Cecil: Damn.

Jackhammer: Here comes help!

Jackhammer: Rage! Rage just leveled Damon! Lost Soul! WAIT! ECHO! Echo from behind! Just like Turning Point! CHOKESLAM! Right on that already dented chair!

Cecil: Serves him right.

Jackhammer: Will you shut up!? Echo now helping up Dez...unfortunately we will see more of him as he has an announcement regarding the Tag Team titles both hardcore and world, but well be right back!

***commercial for CHCW merchandise, GET YOUR OWN RAGE FANGS! REAL BLOOD OOZES OUT WHEN YOU BITE SOMEONE!***

Jackhammer: Welcome back as we go into our first match, Deshaun Lopez vs. Damon Phanomen...Both men are in the ring now...tieup, Lopez, the fat black luchado' arm ringer by Lopez, Phanomen lifts Lopez up! What strength! Scoop Slam! Damon punching away now, hits a leg drop cover gets only 2!

Cecil: He's also a fat black bald luchadore.

Jackhammer: Fat black luchado' Cecil, keep up with the times.

Cecil: So Jackhammer thinks he's black now huh?

Jackhammer: No, I'm just stating his...whatever back to action...Lopez has Damon in a dragon sleeper, into a reverse DDT! well executed as he ascends the top ropes!...SHOOTING STAR PRESS by the 400 pounder! Cover 1.2..no! Damon kicks out! Fans getting behind Deshaun chanting "ghetto burrito" kick to the gut, Irish whip by Lopez, Phanomen comes back with a flying elbow! He hops to the outside...and I don't know what he is looking for here...He grabs a burrito?

Cecil: Oh no, Damon is now the fat, dark psychotic luchadore.

Jackhammer: Damon offers it to Deshaun...Deshaun accepts! He is chowing down and oh my god!

Cecil: He-HA! He filled it with blood and intestines! That is...sick.

Jackhammer: Deshaun is in the corner peuking...Damon with a LEAD PIPE! Right to the back of Deshaun's head! Followed by what he calls the Demonic Drop! Which is a kryptonite crush! Cover 1..2...3!

Cecil: He seems into breaking people's necks and such.

Jackhammer: What now?

(Dez comes out applauding)
Dez: What a show huh!? I mean you just seen one of my favorites, Damon Phanomen just nearly KILLED that fat piece of crap.

Cecil: I hope he's not talking about you Jack.

Jackhammer: Oh shut up.

Dez: You see I am out here in concerns with the 2 Tag titles we have...What is the point of having HARDCORE tag champs when anything goes in CHCW? the world tag match could just be as hardcore! So at the next Pay-Per-View it will be the Bowski Brothers vs. Mothman & Micheal Mansion for the UNIFICATION of the tag titles!

Jackhammer: That's a big one folks.

Dez: Settle down, you see I have a special message for Rage concerning tonight's #1 contender match...AMBER will be at ringside (laughs)

Jackhammer: Wow. Dez is SICK.

Cecil: Hey, Amber will be close to her boyfriend give him a break.

Jackhammer: Something doesn't smell right Cecil...Dez leaves the ring and this night just keeps getting weirder as people are trying to locate Legless Boy Kenny Ireland, he was supposed to officiate this match...and it seems he didn't make it, so more on that when we get the news...Maniac vs. John Cena when we come back!

QUICK RESULT: MANIAC DEFEATS JOHN CENA

[ the scene goes to the ring where we can see Ironman and Billy Talent already set for the posedown, Whip Hubley stands beside them with a microphone]

Jackhammer: Whip is gonna call this? I don't like the looks of this at all.

Cecil: and I dont like the looks of your momma

Jackhammer: she's dead..

Cecil: thats why.

Whip: Okay ladies and gentlemen, the moment you have all been waiting for, my bro, and fellow ass beater Billy Talent, out muscle Ironman! Ready? we will start with a side bicep

[Billy Talent does a side bicep flexing it to the crowd and gets very little reaction, Ironman stands beside him and does the same and the crowd erupts. Billy gets mad and starts hollering at the crowd]

Whip: Next..a front double bicep.

[Billy does the pose and gets no reaction again, Ironman pushes him aside and does it, and the fans begin cheering loudly. Billy talent dissapears]

Whip: Next..the most muscular.

[Ironman does a custom pose and the crowd cheers, Billy talent slams a steel chair into the back of Ironman knocking him down on the mat. he drops the chair and begins stopping on him over and over, Whip joins in with stomps of his own, Billy picks up the microphone whip dropped to help him, and looks down at ironman as Whip stomps him]

Billy: this is the second time old man! the second time I have taken you out with 1 fatal blow! but you just dont learn, so at Scars and Stripes, you and I, are going into a steel cage! and I, being the greatest superstar of all, will be victorious!

Jackhammer: dammit, this was a damn setup. dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit SOMEBODY TELL ME WHY DAMMIT, SOMEBODY TELL ME WHY! GO SOONERS!

Jackhammer: Wow, what a night...as we start the number one contenders match welcome back, Magnum is already in the ring and here comes RAGE!

Cecil: Punk.

Jackhammer: Well Dez is supposed to have Amber at ringside so will be interesting...

Cecil: Quan.

Jackhammer: Music from his homeland hits and here comes the former terrorist, now he was given amnesty from the U.S. for saving a U.S. soilders life so that's why he is here today.

Cecil: I heard it was an accident.

Jackhammer: Well you never know...and here comes Crush!

Cecil: Look out!

Jackhammer: RIGOR MORTIS! From behind! He just threw Crush into the stage! Picks him up and irish whip right into the steel guard rail! That is not fair!...

Cecil: Tell that to Rigor Mortis.

Jackhammer: The match starts now as Quan beating down Rage...picks him up and hits a backbreaker! Cover...gets 2! Too early for a pin, here comes Magnum, wristlock applied, irish whip, HUGE clothesline by Magnum! Quan comes back with a chop to the chesst! Arabian leg sweep! Quan to the top rope...Arabian Face buster! Cover 1...2..no! Crush slowly making his way into the ring now as he his helped up by Rage, these two remain friends even in this match.

Cecil: Friendship will get you nowhere Crush.

Jackhammer: Here comes Quan! High knee lift applied to Crush! a right hand to Rage! followed by a spinebuster, Quan very impressive so far in this 4-way...Magnum and Quan now double teaming Rage, they hit a powerful backbreaker/leg drop combo! Cover 1..2...nO! Mag only gets 2 on Rage, Crush slow to his feet, but he is up and here comes Cena! Cena with a chairshot to Crush!

Cecil: He's got balls.

Jackhammer: Cena now lurking around with that chair, Mag with a kick in the gut, Cena drops the chair...SOUTHERN COMFORT! 1...2..no! Rage breaks it up now...LOST SOUL! LOST SOUL! On the chair! Cover 1...2..3! Magnum is out! Crush still trying to make it to his feet now...Quan keeps him down! No WAIT! SPEAR! Crush just speared Quan! Crush is on his feet now! kick to the gut, front face stomach crusher by Crush!

Cecil: I'll be damned.

Jackhammer: Here comes Maniac! What is he doing here? Maniac just laid out Cena! He just laid him out with that sledgehammer! Maniac has it out for Cena!...Rage makes the cover 1...2...3! Cena is out! We're down to 3!

Cecil: Isn't that Dez?

Jackhammer: I believe so, he's just standing there at the top of the ramp! Crush and Rage double teaming Quan now...double clothesline by Quan! Quan climbs to the top...Missle dropkick! Crush is down!...Rage with a quick overcastle to keep Quan down!

Cecil: Amber!

Jackhammer: Oh my god it's Amber! In a wheel chair! Rage sees this now and he's screaming at Dez, looking both ways, I don't knwo if he wants to continue the match or go save Amber...QUAN! SUICIDE BOMB! He hit that Ganso bomb on Rage! Cover 1...2...3! We're down to two!

Cecil: Here comes Echo.

Jackhammer: Echo! Trying to capitalize on Rage! NO! Rage going nuts! Rage just bit the neck of Echo! Irish whip into the steel steps! Rage is PISSED! Rage has a monitor now...he lays it on Echo's head...RAGE WITH A STEEL CHAIR! He just crashed the steel chair down on the monitor that was laying on Echo's head! Echo is now flooding a pool of blood...He is walking towards Dez now! Dez is scared shitless!

Cecil: Pottymouth.

Jackhammer: Rage chasing Dez as he wheel Amber up the ramp!...

Cecil: OUCH!

Jackhammer: Crush with a Jackhammer! Cover 1..2..no! Back to action as Quan and Crush going at it...Irish whip, Quan ducks the clothesline, turns around STO! Cover 1.2..no! Crush kicks out, these two going at it now...Who si this now?

Cecil: Mike Collins?

Jackhammer: Mike Collins in the ring now...steel chair! He HIT CRUSH!

Cecil: I think it was accidental he seemed to be going for El-Amin.

Jackhammer: YES! He hit Quan El-Amin now! He leaves the ring as both men are laid out...only one will be #1 contender!...Both men moving very slow...Quan to his feet...superkick DUCKED! Crush picks up Quan! Brainbuster! Brainbuster! Cover 1...2....3! Crush is new number one contender!

Cecil: Crush and William the Bloody at Scars and Stripes, what a match.

Jackhammer: Yes it will! What a match! Crush and William! Scars and Stripes! We're out of time!

(in the parking lot)
[the scene is very dark, very shadowy]
JD: I should of warned you earlier.

William the Bloody: I said don't waorry about it. It was out of your hands.

JD: Yeah...It's fucking us against the world I tell you man.

WTB: You should go now.

JD: You okay man?

WTB: I-I'm fine...please depart from here.

JD: Whatever you say man...later dude.

WTB: Bye...

(there is blood coming from William's eyes...)

(fade out)

CHCW Productions 2004