Just a little warning before you start reading this, it's pretty long. You probably won't want to read this unless you're really really bored and have nothing better to do. I promise you though, that it pays off in the end.
The following conversation took place sometime last November in the wee hours of the morning. As usual, Lamas didn't know what the hell he was talkin about.
turbogoose87 (12:23:54 AM): john kitna has been the most underrated QB in fantasy football man
turbogoose87 (12:24:00 AM): he's havin a good year
llamez (12:24:50 AM): the entir team was underrated
turbogoose87 (12:25:01 AM): except corey dillon
turbogoose87 (12:25:06 AM): he hasn't done much this season
llamez (12:25:45 AM): there only 1 game behind miami for the wildcard
turbogoose87 (12:25:55 AM): who is?
llamez (12:26:04 AM): cincy
turbogoose87 (12:26:13 AM): they're tied for first in their division
llamez (12:26:34 AM): i think denver will win that
turbogoose87 (12:26:42 AM): denver isn't in their division
llamez (12:26:53 AM): baltimore
llamez (12:26:54 AM): my bad
turbogoose87 (12:27:05 AM): baltimore has the most inconsistent offense in football
turbogoose87 (12:27:11 AM): they shouldn't have won last week
turbogoose87 (12:27:18 AM): and they won't beat cincy in 2 weeks
llamez (12:27:25 AM): i think they will
turbogoose87 (12:27:31 AM): i doubt it
turbogoose87 (12:27:38 AM): i'd make a bet with you
turbogoose87 (12:27:42 AM): but you don't have any money
llamez (12:27:58 AM): i do in the bank
llamez (12:28:03 AM): i just dont wanna touch it
llamez (12:28:13 AM): i need to get my mom a present
llamez (12:28:15 AM): and my dad
llamez (12:28:24 AM): and i only got 100 to do so with
turbogoose87 (12:28:31 AM): true
turbogoose87 (12:29:03 AM): baltimore has san fran this sunday
turbogoose87 (12:29:08 AM): cincy has pittsburgh
turbogoose87 (12:29:27 AM): san fran is 0-5 on the road though
turbogoose87 (12:29:38 AM): so they'll stay tied through this week at least
llamez (12:30:17 AM): if miami can win tho
llamez (12:30:22 AM): cincy wont make it
turbogoose87 (12:30:36 AM): cincy's gonna take their division
turbogoose87 (12:30:41 AM): they will make it
llamez (12:30:44 AM): cuase miami wont catch the pats
turbogoose87 (12:30:52 AM): baltimore has a rookie and a drifter as their QBs
llamez (12:30:59 AM): but it wont matter miami will easily beat baltimore or cincy
llamez (12:31:15 AM): in the first round
turbogoose87 (12:31:20 AM): it's gonna be december now dude
turbogoose87 (12:31:27 AM): it's about that time miami starts choking
llamez (12:31:42 AM): they wont
llamez (12:31:46 AM): even if they do
turbogoose87 (12:31:48 AM): that's what you always say
turbogoose87 (12:31:53 AM): and what always happens?
llamez (12:31:54 AM): they'll still make the playoffs
turbogoose87 (12:31:57 AM): THEY CHOKE!
llamez (12:32:08 AM): and even if they suck down the streach
llamez (12:32:17 AM): they will still beat cincy or baltimore
turbogoose87 (12:32:19 AM): they're not in the playoffs yet dude
turbogoose87 (12:32:31 AM): if they suck bad enough down the stretch
turbogoose87 (12:32:33 AM): like last year
turbogoose87 (12:32:36 AM): they'll miss the playoffs
turbogoose87 (12:32:41 AM): like they did last year
turbogoose87 (12:32:48 AM): the jets came out of nowhere
turbogoose87 (12:32:53 AM): and put up 40 points a game
turbogoose87 (12:32:56 AM): and beat miami
llamez (12:33:07 AM): still
llamez (12:33:13 AM): im not doubting the
llamez (12:33:16 AM): 2nd round
llamez (12:33:21 AM): ill guarentee ig
llamez (12:33:22 AM): it
turbogoose87 (12:33:29 AM): i'm doubting miami even makes the playoffs
turbogoose87 (12:33:42 AM): they're not gonna beat dallas this week
llamez (12:33:51 AM): yeah they will
turbogoose87 (12:34:00 AM): it's in dallas
llamez (12:34:04 AM): so what
llamez (12:34:07 AM): its not cold in dallas
turbogoose87 (12:34:16 AM): dallas is 5-1 at home
turbogoose87 (12:34:25 AM): they beat the best team in the NFC last week
turbogoose87 (12:34:45 AM): and held stephen davis to 59 yards rushing
llamez (12:35:00 AM): so
llamez (12:35:05 AM): thats carolina
turbogoose87 (12:35:10 AM): yeah
llamez (12:35:12 AM): this is a new game
turbogoose87 (12:35:13 AM): a better team than miami
llamez (12:35:16 AM): anything can happen
turbogoose87 (12:35:26 AM): well it's good to see you have faith
turbogoose87 (12:35:30 AM): but your boys aren't that good
turbogoose87 (12:35:35 AM): if they were
turbogoose87 (12:35:41 AM): they wouldn't be 7-4
turbogoose87 (12:35:44 AM): they'd be 11-0
llamez (12:35:46 AM): there good enough to win it all
turbogoose87 (12:35:56 AM): no they aren't
turbogoose87 (12:36:00 AM): hahahahahahahaha
llamez (12:36:01 AM): yeah they are
llamez (12:36:05 AM): not saying they will
turbogoose87 (12:36:06 AM): hahahahahahahahahahahaha
llamez (12:36:08 AM): but they could
turbogoose87 (12:36:14 AM): well if you say it like that
turbogoose87 (12:36:20 AM): than any team is good enough to win it all
llamez (12:36:29 AM): miami has enough to win it
llamez (12:36:32 AM): most teams dont
turbogoose87 (12:36:42 AM): well their last 5 games
llamez (12:36:48 AM): they have one of the best D
turbogoose87 (12:36:56 AM): dallas new england philly buffalo and NYJ all do
turbogoose87 (12:37:02 AM): so we'll see how they come out of hit
turbogoose87 (12:37:06 AM): it*
turbogoose87 (12:37:15 AM): no they don't
llamez (12:37:23 AM): a great running game a good reciver
For the record, Ricky Williams is not a great running back, the only reason he gets so many yards is because he runs the ball damn near 40 times every game. He averaged less than 3.5 yards per carry last season...
llamez (12:37:35 AM): no qb tho
turbogoose87 (12:37:40 AM): their d isn't that good
turbogoose87 (12:37:43 AM): it's over hyped
llamez (12:37:49 AM): miami is giving up like 15 points a game man
llamez (12:38:28 AM): up until last week no team had a 100 yrd rushing hame
llamez (12:38:38 AM): and they are the best D in the red zone
turbogoose87 (12:39:47 AM): well of their 7 wins
turbogoose87 (12:39:58 AM): 5 of them ahve come from teams that are well under .500
turbogoose87 (12:40:25 AM): and of their 4 losses
turbogoose87 (12:40:30 AM): 3 have come from division leading teams
turbogoose87 (12:40:36 AM): dallas new england philly
turbogoose87 (12:40:40 AM): all division leading teams
turbogoose87 (12:41:35 AM): the way buffalo has been palyin lately
turbogoose87 (12:41:39 AM): i'll give them that one as a win
turbogoose87 (12:41:44 AM): that puts them at 8 wins
llamez (12:41:46 AM): well then that would certainly bring up their avg
turbogoose87 (12:41:53 AM): but dallas enw england philly and the jets
turbogoose87 (12:42:01 AM): those aren't garaunteed wins
llamez (12:42:08 AM): u also said they would lose to buffolo in week 3
turbogoose87 (12:42:23 AM): i was wrong
turbogoose87 (12:42:30 AM): but they're not in the playoffs yet
turbogoose87 (12:42:49 AM): and they're gonna ahve to fight to make it
llamez (12:42:52 AM): yeah u never know
llamez (12:43:01 AM): they could even end up with a bye
llamez (12:43:03 AM): never know
turbogoose87 (12:43:05 AM): if they drop their next 3 to dallas new england and philly
turbogoose87 (12:43:09 AM): no
turbogoose87 (12:43:12 AM): not a chance in hell
turbogoose87 (12:43:22 AM): i'll bet you a hundred dollars right now they don't get a bye
llamez (12:43:25 AM): yeah there is
llamez (12:43:30 AM): fuck that
llamez (12:43:42 AM): thats like betting dallas would be 8-2
llamez (12:43:46 AM): suicidal
turbogoose87 (12:44:29 AM): exactly
turbogoose87 (12:44:37 AM): that's as good as their chances of getting a bye are
turbogoose87 (12:44:52 AM): indy and new england are both at 9-2
turbogoose87 (12:45:07 AM): they'd have to lose 3 more games for miami to get a bye
llamez (12:45:19 AM): well
turbogoose87 (12:45:20 AM): with the fish goin undefeated in the nexct 5 weeks
llamez (12:45:24 AM): one is at miami
llamez (12:45:33 AM): so they would only have to lose 1
llamez (12:45:37 AM): and lose by alot to miami
turbogoose87 (12:45:46 AM): which has about as good a chance of happening as me getting laid by a super model in the next 12 minutes
turbogoose87 (12:45:58 AM): a december game in mew england
turbogoose87 (12:46:04 AM): you're sayin miami is gonna win that???
turbogoose87 (12:46:17 AM): miami wins alot in december in new england???
llamez (12:46:17 AM): it can happen
turbogoose87 (12:46:26 AM): when is the last time they beat new england in freezing weather???
turbogoose87 (12:46:29 AM): yeah
llamez (12:46:40 AM): whens the last time cincy lead their divison?
turbogoose87 (12:46:40 AM): i could also fall ass backwards into a million dollars tomorrow too
turbogoose87 (12:46:50 AM): but i'm not counting on it
llamez (12:46:52 AM): it can happen
turbogoose87 (12:47:07 AM): yeah and a meteor could hit earth tonight
turbogoose87 (12:47:09 AM): that could happen
llamez (12:47:24 AM): i have faith in my boys
llamez (12:47:40 AM): and the all american team will lose in dallas on thanksgiving day
turbogoose87 (12:48:02 AM): no
turbogoose87 (12:48:09 AM): they won't
turbogoose87 (12:48:15 AM): ricky williams won't break 100 yards
llamez (12:48:20 AM): oh yes they will
turbogoose87 (12:48:26 AM): and whoever plays at QB won't have over 150 yards
turbogoose87 (12:48:41 AM): no
turbogoose87 (12:48:43 AM): they won't
llamez (12:48:47 AM): quincy carther is ganna throw 3 ints
llamez (12:48:59 AM): sam madison is ganna have a touchdown
llamez (12:49:05 AM): and ricky will have one too
turbogoose87 (12:49:10 AM): and they'll still lose 20-7
llamez (12:49:31 AM): and fielder will throw for 1
turbogoose87 (12:49:33 AM): if ricky williams can't break 70 yards against san diego
llamez (12:49:38 AM): and mare will kcik 2
turbogoose87 (12:49:38 AM): he won't break 50 against dallas
llamez (12:49:50 AM): miami will win 27- 13
turbogoose87 (12:49:55 AM): your boy mare has been one of the most inconsistent kickers in the league this season
llamez (12:50:20 AM): well its about time he gets back on track
turbogoose87 (12:50:46 AM): i wouldn't put any money on the game dude
turbogoose87 (12:50:49 AM): faith is good
turbogoose87 (12:50:54 AM): but realistically
turbogoose87 (12:51:09 AM): they're like 5 point underdogs
llamez (12:52:02 AM): well
turbogoose87 (12:52:19 AM): hmmmm
llamez (12:52:22 AM): its definately not a sure thing
turbogoose87 (12:52:32 AM): what happened last time they played a team from texas????
llamez (12:52:51 AM): they lost
turbogoose87 (12:52:59 AM): TO FUCKING HOUSTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!
llamez (12:53:12 AM): hey man anything can happen
turbogoose87 (12:53:17 AM): you keep sayin that
llamez (12:53:22 AM): and who was the underdog in that game?
turbogoose87 (12:53:27 AM): but i have yet to see a supermodel walk up to the window here
turbogoose87 (12:54:02 AM): my guess
turbogoose87 (12:54:24 AM): they miss the playoffs again
turbogoose87 (12:54:30 AM): cause even if they beat dallas
turbogoose87 (12:54:40 AM): they still have to play new england and buffalo on the road
turbogoose87 (12:54:44 AM): which won't be easy games
turbogoose87 (12:54:57 AM): especially when no one on the team can feel their feet
llamez (12:55:00 AM): my guess miami gets a bye
turbogoose87 (12:55:06 AM): no fucking way
turbogoose87 (12:55:12 AM): they have like a 1-200 shot
llamez (12:55:21 AM): new englad can easily lose to the jets buffalo and indy
llamez (12:55:29 AM): so if miami beats them
llamez (12:55:35 AM): and they lose to one of those
llamez (12:55:44 AM): well 2 of those
turbogoose87 (12:55:49 AM): hahahahahaha
llamez (12:55:52 AM): and maybe only loses 1 more game this season
llamez (12:55:56 AM): its ganna happen
turbogoose87 (12:56:00 AM): hahahahahahahaha
llamez (12:56:05 AM): yeah dude
turbogoose87 (12:56:05 AM): if if if if if if if
llamez (12:56:09 AM): its ganna happen
turbogoose87 (12:56:15 AM): hahahahahahahahaha
turbogoose87 (12:56:17 AM): sure dude
turbogoose87 (12:56:18 AM): yeah
turbogoose87 (12:56:20 AM): it'll happen
llamez (12:56:23 AM): fuck it
llamez (12:56:30 AM): im predicting superbowl
turbogoose87 (12:56:36 AM): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
turbogoose87 (12:56:45 AM): i bet you 5 bucks they miss the playoffs
llamez (12:56:48 AM): miami will beat tennesee next time around
turbogoose87 (12:56:48 AM): right now
llamez (12:56:59 AM): and they will philly twice this season
llamez (12:57:03 AM): ok 5 bucks
turbogoose87 (12:57:16 AM): ok
turbogoose87 (12:57:19 AM): it's set then
turbogoose87 (12:57:25 AM): 5 bucks miami misses the playoffs
llamez (12:57:35 AM): superbowl man
llamez (12:57:43 AM): its ganna happen
turbogoose87 (12:57:45 AM): no fucking way
turbogoose87 (12:59:11 AM): yeah dude
turbogoose87 (12:59:14 AM): you also forgot
turbogoose87 (12:59:18 AM): KC is 10-1
turbogoose87 (12:59:26 AM): and tennessee is also ahead of miami
turbogoose87 (12:59:29 AM): at 9-2
llamez (12:59:41 AM): tenesse will beat kc
turbogoose87 (12:59:45 AM): so three of those teams are gonna ahve to drop to 12-4 at least
turbogoose87 (1:00:00 AM): with miami going undefeated
turbogoose87 (1:00:07 AM): it's not gonna happen man
turbogoose87 (1:00:12 AM): sorry to break the news to you
llamez (1:00:18 AM): but tenness and kc are in the same div
llamez (1:00:24 AM): only 1 of them can get a bye
turbogoose87 (1:00:33 AM): but i now have better odds of getting fucked by 2 playmates at the same time than ur boys have of gettin a bye
llamez (1:00:43 AM): and miami will have a better record than cincy
llamez (1:00:53 AM): no way in hell
turbogoose87 (1:01:05 AM): well you can't get a bye as a wild card
llamez (1:01:08 AM): this is actully mathmaticlly possible
llamez (1:01:18 AM): you meeting a playmate maybe
llamez (1:01:30 AM): miami will win the divison
turbogoose87 (1:01:34 AM): no
turbogoose87 (1:01:36 AM): they won't
llamez (1:01:37 AM): thats how they will get a bye
llamez (1:01:48 AM): yea dude they are
turbogoose87 (1:02:11 AM): tennessee is in the same div as indy
llamez (1:02:12 AM): ok and thats all im ganna say cuase this conversation really is pointless
Here's where Lamas started to get really pissed because he realized he had no point and he got tired of hearing every reason why his boys suck.
turbogoose87 (1:02:13 AM): not KC
llamez (1:02:20 AM): oh yea there are 4
turbogoose87 (1:02:21 AM): yeah
turbogoose87 (1:02:23 AM): it really is
llamez (1:02:29 AM): still pointless
turbogoose87 (1:02:32 AM): cause all your theories hinge on ridiculous odds
llamez (1:02:46 AM): when havnt they
llamez (1:02:49 AM): the lottery
llamez (1:03:00 AM): graduating
HE DIDN'T EVEN GRADUATE!!!!
turbogoose87 (1:03:07 AM): well obviously 4 numbers isn't that great
turbogoose87 (1:03:09 AM): cause i got it
turbogoose87 (1:03:16 AM): and i'm the most unlucky dude ever
llamez (1:03:28 AM): still pointless
llamez (1:03:38 AM): im done with probabilty for tonight
turbogoose87 (1:03:50 AM): good dude
turbogoose87 (1:03:52 AM): drop it
turbogoose87 (1:03:58 AM): cause it's really not helpin you out too much
turbogoose87 (1:06:09 AM): yeah dude
turbogoose87 (1:06:13 AM): jut one more thing
llamez (1:06:16 AM): no
llamez (1:06:20 AM): shut the fuck up
turbogoose87 (1:06:24 AM): if your boys lose this weekend and denver wins
turbogoose87 (1:06:31 AM): miami is out of the playoffs for the moment
llamez (1:06:34 AM): dammit u had to go there
llamez (1:06:44 AM): fuck denver
turbogoose87 (1:06:45 AM): miami is playin dallas
turbogoose87 (1:06:50 AM): denver is playin oakland
llamez (1:06:58 AM): well oakland is play good latley
turbogoose87 (1:06:58 AM): i'd take denver in that one
llamez (1:07:04 AM): and miami is ganna win
turbogoose87 (1:07:05 AM): no they haven't!!!!
turbogoose87 (1:07:40 AM): oakland lost to detroit
turbogoose87 (1:07:48 AM): that takes all credibility away from them
llamez (1:08:10 AM): they lost to kc in a last sec feildgoal
llamez (1:08:17 AM): they beat minnosota
turbogoose87 (1:08:22 AM): THEY LOST TO DETROIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
llamez (1:08:25 AM): they lost to the jets in o
llamez (1:08:33 AM): ot thats there last 3 games
llamez (1:08:36 AM): 6 points
llamez (1:08:42 AM): in like 2 mins
turbogoose87 (1:08:56 AM): if there is one thing i learned playin hockey
turbogoose87 (1:09:01 AM): it's that a loss is a loss and a win is a win
turbogoose87 (1:09:06 AM): plain and simple
turbogoose87 (1:09:26 AM): denver just got jake plummer back
llamez (1:09:29 AM): still their playing good enough to beat denver
turbogoose87 (1:09:41 AM): and clinton portis averaged 12 yards per cary last week
llamez (1:09:43 AM): fuck it
llamez (1:09:47 AM): fuck you no more!
turbogoose87 (1:09:55 AM): if you think oakland can shut down the running and passing games of denver
turbogoose87 (1:10:02 AM): then denver will lose
turbogoose87 (1:10:06 AM): but if they stop one
llamez (1:10:07 AM): im not even ganna read that dude
turbogoose87 (1:10:09 AM): but not the other
turbogoose87 (1:10:11 AM): it's still over
llamez (1:10:14 AM): already closed the bpx
llamez (1:10:17 AM): dunno what u said
turbogoose87 (1:10:20 AM): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
turbogoose87 (1:10:23 AM): face it dude
llamez (1:10:25 AM): so shut the hell up
llamez (1:10:27 AM): fuck you
turbogoose87 (1:10:30 AM): you might as well give me 5 bucks right now
llamez (1:10:32 AM): thats it im out
turbogoose87 (1:10:38 AM): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
turbogoose87 (1:10:57 AM): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
turbogoose87 (1:11:11 AM): ok dude
turbogoose87 (1:11:17 AM): i'm done trashin your boys
llamez (1:17:16 AM): my mom bought me protein
turbogoose87 (1:17:27 AM): you don't need protein
llamez (1:17:30 AM): im suppose to drink it instead of eating breakfeast
turbogoose87 (1:17:36 AM): you need to lose weight not gain it
llamez (1:17:43 AM): well its very low in carbs
llamez (1:17:47 AM): its like special shit
turbogoose87 (1:17:50 AM): that makes about as much sense as betting on miami to win their division
llamez signed off at 1:17:52 AM.
so apparently he couldn't take the conversation anymore. I was wrong about Cincy making the playoffs and about the Cowboys beating the Dolphins over Thanksgiving. I was not wrong about Miami missing the playoffs though. The Dolphins do in fact suck ass, have sucked ass for the last couple seasons, and will continue to suck ass for years to come.