NaStY jOkEs
--Why did God create woman?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

--If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
The swallow.

--How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
Phone her.

--Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think the men cares.

--What is the definition of "making love"?
Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

--What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.

--Wht's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak [whole week..!]

--How many male sexist does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, let the bitch cook in the dark.

--Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator..

--What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

--If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.

--How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find oout.

--How is a woman like a condom?
Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

--Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
She knows she's given her last blow job.

--What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you.

--What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

--Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.

--How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

--What do you do after raping a deaf, dumb and blind girl?
Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone.

                                                      **Yo Mama Jokes**


Yo MaMa So FaT.....

The highway patrol made her wear "caution wide turn".
She fell and made the Grand Canyon.
She wears a watch on each arm for each time zone.
She had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
She has her own zip code.
The National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts.
She needs to put a bookmark in her folds to find her belly button.
When she wears a yellow raincoat, folks fun after her yelling "taxi".
She shows up on radar.


Yo Mama So sTuPiD.....


She said she got hit by a parked car.
She thought Taco Bell was a phone company in Mexico.
She sits on the TV and watches the sofa.
When she saw the "NC-17 (under 17 not admitted)" sign, she went home and got 16 friends.
She went to a 24 hour store and asks the clerk what time they closed.
She writes "thank you" notes for her bills.


Yo MamA sO oLd.....

Her birth certificate was in roman numeral.
She's older than anything in the antique store.
Scientists found cave drawings of her.
Jurassic Park brought back memories.


Yo MaMa So UgLy.....

When she threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back.
When she passes your bathroom, the toilet flushes.
When she was born, they put her in an incubator with tinted windows.
When she was born, the doctor slapped her mom.
When she was born, her mom said, "what a treasure", and the dad replied, "yeah, let's go bury it.
Instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck.
When grand kids take her to the zoo, a guy at the door said, "thanx for bringing her back".
                                                               
                                                              It HuRtS


A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"
                                                 Rules Men Wish Women Knew



1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, Put it down.

3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you do not want to hear.

6. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and import cars.

8. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

11. You have enough clothes.

12. You have too many shoes.

13. Crying is blackmail.

14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.

15. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do
not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

16. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are bound to miss sometimes.

18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

19. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

23. Check your oil.

24. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.

25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

26. No, it does not matter which quiz.

27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

28. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

30. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it is genetic.

31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.

33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.

37. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

40. If it itches, it will be scratched.

41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

42. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.

43. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

44. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But do not worry; the fantasy includes you AND her, together.