January 2006 / I didn't get a chance to read A Million Little Pieces by James Frey when the controversy exploded that he had a few lies in his memoir. Well, that was money well spent! On the other hand, my writer friend Hoang Mai Dat published a thoughtful and delightful third book Bie^n Ta` Ta`, a collection of his articles. I wonder what kind of writer he'll become later on. Any ambitious fiction novel? His reflections are well-written, humorous, touching, full of empathy.
Truth is never objective. I believe in lies more than truths. Or rather, how one illuminates certain aspects and leaves some in the dark. I love a beautiful lie, knowing it's a lie. Let's say you find out that your relationship, be it marriage or friendship or membership, is not exactly what you've always thought it to be, what should you do? You can't dismiss it, for that would mean admitting that you were deceived, lied to. You can't not dismiss it, unless the price is too high. Living with a lie must be the most horrible thing. Living with the truth is not always pleasant. My advice: Learn to live with everything in between.
It means recognizing there are shades of gray, not just black and white. It means don't throw away, walk away from a flawed relationship, person, or organization just because you learn new truths about them. You are allowed to be critical with yourself for the sake of self-improvement. And you should stay away from anyone who wants you to be someone else. But, we are flawed. We are human. Learn to be less critical of others. Forgive when you can. Forget when time lets you.
If you find out that only 90 percent of the Bible is true, will you be disappointed? Or any other religious texts? How about toward the end of your marriage, you find out something that makes you question: was it all a lie? We all lie to a certain degree. I tell white lies all the time for civility's sake. And eventhough I prefer to be truthful, I've learned that people accept lies more readily than truths. I'm not a person who hides my true self, but I'm glad that no one can read my thoughts. (Those who can, please do not, I repeat, do not read my thoughts ;) , okay?) I do sense things, though. Like people's intentions or vibes, regardless of their words or actions.
So, if we accept that it's all about illumination, how we choose to shed light on a certain subject or person (X-ray, anyone?), we will be much happier. Kinder. I look around and I see beauty. Not because there's no ugliness to be found, but... And I see all the lovely souls struggling in this lovely world, just like me. And if one day, should I learn the truth, THE BIG TRUTH, about God, I promise that I will be kind to God too.
