need need a reason to live need a reason to be I ask inanimate objects to cheer me up, please candles, music, movies books, flowers, TV a little wine to numb the senses but really the trick is to have a lot of money have a heart that cannot love have a body that cannot feel I escape to my dream world of exquisite passions, cheap thrills, of alien images and fantastic plot lines, and sometimes sexual relief, comic relief I come, I laugh but dreams are brief and I wake up with the alarm wishing for shock treatments settling for a cup full of caffeine feeling the urge to flee need to pee need a reason to breathe need a slap, a kiss need a meaning, a revelation need God, even God's condemnation but instead I fear I just have a medium depression. December 1999 thai ta                                                       go to next poem