April 30, 1975. Depending on who's telling the story, that was the saddest or joyous day in Vietnam's history. Thirty years later, I commemorated this day by watching two movies and one TV program. "The Fog of War" gave a chilling perspective of McNamara and his lessons of war. "Heaven and Earth" reflected one woman's point of view. "Saigon, USA" put a focus on the Vietnamese community in Orange County.
It's strange that the concept of who you are, what country you belong to, what ideology suits you the best, etc. don't always stay the same. I used to think I am pro this and con that. I used to call myself Vietnamese. Now, I want to be a "citizen of the world", though that would imply that I should care more for the rest of the world.
Vietnam is the only war that the US lost, so far. A mistake, as I read in the US history textbook. Now, you don't really care about things that happened 10 years ago. Everything happens at the speed of light. The quickening, as some religious groups call it. Our attention span gets shorter and shorter. What do we really care about?
I care about my tiny little country, or former country as I am now an American citizen , and still daydream of an early retirement in Vietnam somewhere. A cottage by the beach. (God willing if global warming is not true and the ocean will not rise in the near future.) I don't mind if there's a lot of tourists or maybe casinos or oil drills all over the country. As long as I can live there in my old age, with a dog and a cat, traveling, doing charity work, whatever... I hope by then I won't hear about children & girls being sold for sex in foreign lands. And no more this -ism or that -ism. We will have a brand new flag with the symbol of love & peace & Vietnamese pride. I don't like red. We can keep the yellow, maybe blue, green or some white (a white dove, perhaps).
Anyway, let's hope life gets better for my people in Vietnam. Let's pray that the big shots who decide the destiny of millions of people have some heart, some brain, (and maybe some bargaining skills if necessary). I can't be less selfish, so I have to think of Vietnam and April 30 in the context of..., well, me!
And what I want is a Vietnam that I can be proud of 25 years from now, when I retire. "God, can I have that?"
may 2005 thai ta