(Need disassembled table, several stacked chairs, flowers out of a vase, table cloth, dishes, silverware, serving bowls, a fake turkey... This is a funny sketch about hurrying and worrying, centered around thankgiving. P1-P5 are friends having thanksgiving dinner together.)
P1 (kind of taking charge): Alright, the annual singles group thanksgiving dinner officially begins! (To P2 and P3) You guys get the table set up, (To P4) get those chairs, (To P5) find the table cloth. I'll find the centerpiece. (Goes and find the flowers and vase, returns) Come on you guys, let's go, it's only... 2 minutes, 30 seconds until lunch!
P2: Gee, MOM, we're going as fast as we can.
P1: Very funny. I'm not your mom. This is thanksgiving, and we're going to have fun today, so MOVE IT!
(They finish the table, P5 returns with table cloth, P4 starts to put chairs aroun the table, only putting 4, P5 puts table cloth on table. P1 turns the table cloth around, as if to fix it.)
P1: OK, You (to P2) find plates, you (to P3), silverware, (to P4) cups.
P5: What about me?
P1: Uh.. uh.. uhh (looking for something, handing vase to P5) Organize the flowers!
(P2, 3 and 4 return)
P1: OK, start here, go that way. (Each dutifully puts items in place, but increasingly agitated with P1)
P2: (realizing that there are only 4 chairs, talking to P4, sarcastically) I have an extra plate.
P4: (counting others, realizing they forgot to count themselves, sheepishly) Oops, didn't count myself! (Goes and gets chair)
(Rest of table is set. All 5 go off to get their food item, returning to surround table)
P1: Cranberry?
P5: Check.
P1: Corn, fresh, heated?
P3: Check, check, check.
P1: Potatoes?
P4: Check.
P1: I have the gravy, check. Turkey?
P2: Can I have potatoes next year (dirty look from P1, resigned reply) Check.
P1: Ok, everything is set, sit. (Each goes to seat as though it were assigned) Let's pray. (Everyone relax, like this is going to finally be a quiet moment) God's neat, let's eat. Amen. Pass the potatoes!
(everyone looks around a bit shocked)
P1: What? We're on a SCHEDULE HERE!P3 (getting an evil idea): "CHINESE FIRE DRILL!" (Everyone but P1 does it)
P1 (angrily): What are you doing?
P3: Chinese fire drill.. It's when everyone gets up and runs to a different seat. Normally you'd do that in a car, but it seemed like fun..
P1: I just said we're on a schedule here. We only have a few minutes to eat before watching the Lions (insert your local pro-football team) play football. Now, SIT DOWN. (Everyone return to their spots)
P2: Shouldn't we do something like say what we're thankful for or something?
P1 (A bit frustrated): I think we're all quite thankful for everything we have, now (looking at watch) PASS ME THE POTATOES!
(P4, sitting next to P1, picks up the potatoes and passes them the wrong way around the table. P5, on the other end, recieves them and puts them down in front of their plate, in defiance.)
P1: Hmph.. Fine, I'll just have some corn (noticing her watch).. Oops! I guess not. 3, 2, 1... (Looking around at everyone) Well, we've wasted our eating time, it's time to go watch the football game!
P3: Can't we take food with us?
P1: And spill on my new carpet? (Everyone leaves, except P5)
(P5, watches them go, quietly, and when they're gone, grabs the potatoes, scoops them up on their plate, reaches for the gravy.. Lights down)
© 2001 Michael Faber