Thanksgiving kept me busy so here are my delayed comments...
Heather showed up at Williams Global and wondered where the heck the rest of the board members were. They were at a confidential meeting at Williams Aviation. Heather was none too happy that she wasn't invited.
Chandler was giving a presentation regarding Richard's flying wing aircraft. Last week it was an animated wing aircraft. Richard must have modified the plans from beyond the grave.
Chandler mentioned that the Aviation Division had grown so big and so fast that it lost track of Richard's vision. Last week Jack said the investment bankers were worried about the Division's numbers. Corporate growth must not be good.
Back at the compound, Jack interrupted Heather's massage. After flashing him her breasts, she was scolded on her spending habits. She snapped back at him by saying it was another way of shutting her out. First from Dress2K then from the Aviation project.
But Dress2K was taken from her by Peter. And it was Chandler that called the Aviation meeting. Jack had been nothing but supportive yet the bitch had the gall to mouth off to him. She even considered herself his equal in the company hierarchy.
He set her straight on that immediately. He runs Williams Global, not her.
I'm still thinking someone ought to run a background check on her to see why she thinks she's such hot shit. Has she run a company before? Does she have an MBA from Wharton? Does she even have a high school diploma?
Instead of tutoring Ethan in French, Faith was playing a computer game with him. When Gwen knocked on the door, Ethan quickly hit what appeared to be the F11 key and the computer reverted to a French program. He probably uses that key a lot while viewing Internet porn.
Jack told Peter that the investment bankers who were so concerned about the Aviation Division were in town again. They were never in town to begin with. Last week, Peter flew up to San Francisco to meet with them.
Anyway, Jack asked Peter to schmooze them again so they would finance the animated wing aircraft project. Or was that the flying wing aircraft project?
And just like last week, Chandler was not invited to meet with them. Being head of the Division and the spearhead of the project must not mean all that much.
Later that evening, Heather was sobbing over photos of Richard. She was probably hoping Chandler would notice and come on over to console her. But no, Peter heard her sniffling and went over to rub it in.
He also said her pregnancy is going to lead to bodily changes that will severely effect her seduction of Chandler. Which leads me to ask once again, exactly when is she going to start to show?
The next morning, Heather sauntered into the dining room in a bikini as Chandler was having breakfast. (Her tummy was still flat as a board.) She made comments about eggs and hollandaise sauce laced with sexual overtones in an effort to seduce him.
It appeared to be working, too. Chandler had that vacant, Andrew Shue-like look on his face which indicated he would have thrown everything off the table and do her right then and there. But then Jack walked in bearing good news for Heather.
She earlier had complained to Jack that she had nothing to do since she was being frozen out of the company. Jack's brilliant plan was to have her co-chair a fundraiser for the Williams Cardiac Research Charity. Just think, if they had raised more money at the last fundraiser, Richard might still be alive.
Jack arranged for her to meet with someone on the advisory board of the charity, Dr. Riggs. Turned out Dr. Riggs was recently divorced. A very personal fact that the receptionist at the hospital was so kind enough to divulge to Heather. The overly informative receptionist then pointed out Dr. Riggs to her.
She took one look at him and said, "Oh, my!" Obviously, she was impressed. Me, I'm not the right one to judge. Perhaps Peter can comment.
Anyway, the doctor, whose first name was Brad, was stunned at the sight of Heather. He stuck to her like a chad on a Gore ballot.
Faith had told Gwen that it would be a good idea to attend a French film festival to help in teaching Ethan the language. Gwen gave Ethan cab money to attend said film fest. Faith had a different idea. She wanted to "borrow" Gwen's Aston Martin.
Her philosophy was "why take a smelly cab when you've got a sweet ride." My philosophy is "why drive when someone else will do it." That way, I don't have to worry about parking, getting arrested for DUI or getting my body pulled from a wreck because of DUI.
Ethan was not comfortable with taking Gwen's car. What?! The Ohio social workers said he was a juvenile delinquent. Isn't "borrowing" an aunt's car part of the job description of a delinquent?
In a two-man intervention, David and Laurie called Jenny over to his place to confront her about her pills. She denied it so he emptied the contents of her purse. Several pill bottles spilled out. Busted!
Jenny then confronted them about their supposed affair. She saw them hugging when they were supposed to be auditioning bands. She asked David whether it turned him on to be doing both sisters. Now I'm the right one to judge. Hell yeah I'm turned on! And I'd tell you an experience I had with sisters, but I'm saving that for a letter to Penthouse.
On a deserted street, Faith gave Ethan some French lessons. Not in the language, but in kissing. She discovered he was inexperienced and attributed it to his Ohio upbringing. She was eager to teach him how it was done in Beverly Hills. I wish I had teachers like her.
Peter and the investment bankers were at a strip club. Many a deal are closed by businessmen in front of a beautiful, gyrating, scantily clad woman. Really, they are.
Peter was bored out of his wits. Which is only natural since he's gay.
Then for some unknown reason, he tried to buy off the stripper the bankers were staring at. He offered her $500 for her to go home.
What the hell would that accomplish? The drunken bankers could set their sights on another dancer (that's what they like to call themselves) and gawk at her.
Anyway, the club's owner took exception at Peter's altruistic act. The owner paid her to dance and by golly, dance she will.
Drunk banker Number One took exception to the owner taking exception and slugged him. Drunk banker number two then seemed to slug the person closest to him and a full-on bar brawl erupted.
Drunk banker Number Two slugged the person closest to him. Then someone slugged Peter. Peter slugged the person closest to him. With his dander up, he went to strike another guy but this guy's kung fu was too good. He blocked Peter's punch and announced he was a cop.
Peter was arrested. It looked like the other brawlers were left alone.
Jenny stormed into Jack's office to complain that her credit cards have been canceled and her checking account frozen. I'm sure that corporate credit cards and checking accounts could be canceled, but I don't think that anyone else would be able to cancel her personal ones. And you would think she would have some personal credit cards and checking accounts, wouldn't you?
Anyway, she accused Laurie of being behind the cutting off of her assets. It was all a part of Laurie's plan to get her out of the way so she could get into David's pants. Laurie called Jenny a little bitch. Jenny slapped her.
But before it could erupt into a full-on bitch-fight with hair pulling, eye scratching and garments being torn off, Jack separated the two. The bastard.
Jack told Jenny that he made arrangements to check her in to the Fallcrest Center for a two week rehab program. Let's hope Fallcrest is better than the institution that rehabbed Robert Downey, Jr.
Samantha bailed Peter out of jail. She bawled him out for being a pig by going to a strip club. Why the hell did he call her? Doesn't he have any friends? Probably not. So he should have called Chandler. Chandler doesn't particularly care for him, but the bleeding heart surely wouldn't leave Peter in jail.
Later that night, Brad the chad arrived at the compound to pick up Heather for a date. Of course Chandler was around when he showed up. Casper Van Dien did his best to try to act jealous.
Jack didn't stay to watch Jenny get checked into rehab. So she walked out and headed straight to a bar. In a drunken stupor, she was rambling on to the obviously disinterested bartender about her relationship with Laurie.
What a lousy bartender. All the bartenders I know can at least feign concern when I babble to them.
Jenny ran out of cash so she offered her diamond earring in trade. That bartender said she could have the entire top shelf for the earring. He might be a lousy bartender, but he ain't stupid. Drunk girls are easy.
After their date, Brad tha chad walked Heather to the door and tried to force himself on her. She pushed him away and played the pregnancy card. She also said that a psycho Chandler was spying on them and would very likely come out and pummel him. Brad the chad's going to be needing a cold shower.
Inside, Chandler was upset at Heather for kissing Brad the chad while pregnant with his child. He called her a cheap whore. She countered by saying he loves the fact she's a ho. But he won't act on his feelings because he's a boy, not a man.
Now why the hell would she do that? If her master plan was to make him jealous, it worked. She had him. Why belittle him?
The next morning, Jack accused Peter of trying to sabotage Chandler's project. Jack must have been informed of Peter's strip club incident. But lots of deals are closed at strip clubs. Really. And the investment bankers weren't arrested. So what went wrong to scuttle the deal?
Samantha saved the day. She convinced the bankers to finance Chandler's project with the threat of telling their wives where they were. It was a tactic she claimed to have learned from Peter. Of course, she'll have this leverage the next time Williams Global needs financing. But I'm sure everyone will forget when the time arises.
Faith was telling Ethan how easy it was to sneak onto a golf course and joy ride in the carts. Ethan, the reformed juvie, wanted no part of it. He wanted to study French. The language, not the kissing. Faith then wanted no part of him. She left.
And I say good riddance. Besides her looks, she is so totally unappealing. The next time my mom tries to set me up with somebody she describes as having "a good personality," I might take her up on her offer.
Heather phoned home to tell Edward, the butler, that she would be spending the evening at the Malibu Carriage Inn. She was hoping be would repeat the message as he wrote it and that Chandler would be within earshot. Fate would have it that both occured.
Jenny managed to stumble back to David's apartment after her bender. Before passing out, she told Laurie she drank three quarts of vodka. If she drank three quarts of vodka, I'm pretty sure she'd be dead.
David and Laurie then told each other of their mutual attraction to each other. He then asked her whether denying their feelings for each other, for Jenny's sake, was the right thing to do. They embraced and kissed. That answers that question.
Chandler drove to the Malibu Carriage Inn expecting to find Heather shacked up with Brad the chad. But there was only Heather all by her lonesome. She lured him there hoping the ocean setting and moonlight would remind him of the time they had in Hawaii.
But Chandler wasn't buying it. He started to believe everyone's assertions that she was a manipulative bitch. He stormed off with Heather screaming at him to come back.
As he drove off, she tumbled down the stairs. She's fallen, and she can't get up. She cried out for Chandler to help her. But he was long gone.
The interesting thing about her fall was that her high-heeled slippers flew off halfway down the steps but miraculously reappeared on her feet after she landed.
Tune in on December 4th, that's a Monday, the new time slot, for "Secrets & Thighs" to find out whether she miscarries. The smart money says she does.