The Real Slim Shady
Eminem

Verse 1:
Ya'll act like you never seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor
Like Pam like Tommy just bust in the door
And started whoopin' her ass
Worse than before they first were divorced
Throwing her over furniture
It's the return of the...
Aw, wait, no wait, you're kidding
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?
And Dr. Dre said...
Nothing you idiots, Dr. Dre's dead
He's locked in my basement
Feminist women love Eminem
Chicka-chicka-chicka, Slim Shady
I'm sick of him
Lookit him
Walkin' around
Grabbin' his you know what
Flippin' to you know who
Yeah, but he's so cute though
Yeah, I prob'ly got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse than what's goin' on in your parents' bedroom
Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't
But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
My bum is on you lips, my bum is on your lips
And if I'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
Of course they're gonna know what intercourse is by the time they hit 4th grade
They got the discovery channel, don't they?
We ain't nothin' but mammals
Well, some of us cannibals
Who cut other people open like cantelopes
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
But if you feel like I feel
I got the antidote
Women wave your pantyhose
Sing the chorus, and it goes

Chorus:
I'm Slim Shady
Yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shady's are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
'Cause I'm Slim Shady
Yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shady's are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up, please stand up

Verse 2:
Will Smith don't got to cuss in his raps to sell records
Well I do
So fuck him and fuck yo too
You think I give a damn about a Grammy?
Half of you critics can't even stomach me
Let alone stand me
But Slim, what if you win
Wouldn't it be weird?
Why?
So you guys can just lie to get me here
So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears
Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first
Little bitch, put me on blast on MTV
Yeah, he's cute
But I thin he's married to Kim, hee-hee
I should download her audio no MP3
And show the world how you gave Eminem VD
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups
All you do is annoy me so I have been sent here to destroy you
And there's a million of us just like me
Who cuss like me
Who just don't give a fuck like me
Who dress like me
Walk, talk and cat like me
And just might be the next best thing
But not quite me

Chorus

Verse 3:
I'm like a head trip to listen to
'Cause I'm only givin' you things you joke about with your friends inside your livin' room
The only difference is I got the balls to say it
In front of ya'll
And I ain't gotta be false or sugar coated at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
And whether you like to admit it
I just shit it better than 90% of you rappers out can
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums
It's funny
'Cause at the rate I'm going
When I'm thirty, I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting
Pinchin' nurses asses when I'm jackin' off with Jergen's
And I'm jerkin'
But this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
In every single person, there's a Slim Shady lurkin'
He could be workin' at Burger King, spittin' on your onion rings
Or in the parking lot, circling
Screaming, "I don't give a fuck"
With his windows down and his system up
So will the real Slim Shady please stand up
And put one of those fingers on each hand up
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
And one more time, loud as you can
How does it go?

Chorus (4 times)