It was an average night, in an above-average college dorm room, and I was surrounded by well-above-average people. I sent a cursory glance towards my fish tank, taking notice of what looked like a renegade feces floating through the tank. To my astonishment, the little poo began to move of it's own accord. It was a fish! And there were more of them!! 3! No 4!! Ah ha, there names would be John, Paul, George, and Ringo. But wait! There was another fish! A very little one. His name would be Tiny Tim.
I called the neighbors over to show them the new find. I had BABIES!!! Life truly is a magical thing. Throughout the rest of the night, we drank champagne [really root beer], smoked cigars [actually just played darts], and held a dance party on the quad [i.e. went to sleep].
Much care was taken to encourage the safety and wellbeing of the new fish. Sadly, death was inevitable for most. Ringo and Tiny Tim disappeared a couple days after their birth. I am still looking for them. The miniscule, lifeless bodies of John and George were found at the bottom of the aquarium soon after. A plague of death seemed to have consumed their aqueous home. Only Paul remained; he was a baby fish in a grown-up fish world.
The tank was pretty, the food was plenteous, and the neighbors were easy-going. Paul prospered and began his journey into adult fish-hood.
One day, a new neighbor moved in. She was a tiger barb, and, boy, was she feisty. Paul showed off some moves, but to no avail. As it turned out, Barbara Anne was a vicious, sinister murderess in a tiger barb costume. It wasn't long before she bit the life out of Jimi Hendrix, Mozart, and even Gene Simmons, Paul's mother. Only Paul and Barbara remain. She was 10 times his size. Paul didn't really go for big women.
Something had to happen. Two weeks went by, but Paul was still able to evade her sadistic attempts at his life. Barbara Anne was put on trial. She was sentenced to death by tap water, and spent her last night in a clear glass, without food. She never apologized. Nobody misses her. We all still love Paul.
New, kind fish came. They got to know Paul, and liked him just fine. Today Paul has 4 neighbors: Floyd (he's pink), Ben Stein, Oscar, and Jimmy Buffet. Paul, though the youngest, tells some of the best stories.