Previously on DON’T KILL MILL!


“Yeah, well I’m gonna get revenge on those guys for what they did to my family.” Millie said then narrowed her eyes, looking all angry like as she leant back in the chair, opening her bag, the camera pans in to look at one plane ticket.

“El Cheapo Airlines, One Way to Okinawa.”

Cut to a scene where Millie is sitting down in a rather busy airplane, it looked like she was in coach, and she was because that’s how she always traveled, you’d think being a former Non-Threatening Viking Cake-Baker that she would have enough money, but she saw a lot of pretty things that caught her attention, mostly things that were shiny and useless, but she spent her money on things like that, she didn’t mind traveling in coach, even with the chickens running up and down the aisles and it smelt pretty bad.

She leaned back in her chair and took out a notepad and a big red marker, from a distance it would seem like she was angry as she pushed the marker against the paper to a point where veins were seen on her wrists, tilting her head to the side she finally finished what she was doing and sighed with relief, having drawn a crude looking cat in an anime-ish style, she smiled and put the paper away into her bag before she fell asleep.

Ten minutes later the plane arrived in Okinawa and she heard the voice coming from the intercom telling everyone that they had arrived in Okinawa; well it was pretty obvious anyway. Millie got up out of her chair and waited for the chickens to pass before she picked up her bags and put them over her shoulders, walking out of the plane after everyone else.

She walks to what seems to be a teahouse, she looked inside then over to the counter where a tall man was standing, he wore a black jacket that was opened with a white t-shirt underneath, a necklace around his neck with a lion’s head, along with black pants with a brown chain studded belt around his waist, wearing black gloves and having a huge scar on his face.. Yes, it was a Ronald McDonald.

What? Oh... Squall Leonhart.

Millie immediately went into swoon mode, putting her hands on her face she turned her body from side to side when she looked at him, then ran over and jumped over the counter with her arms out, tackling the man down who tried to resist but stood no chance against Millie’s hug fury, pinning him down on the floor she planted a bunch of kisses on his face and rubbed his sides before she was thrown up and off of Squall who stood up to see Millie on her back on the floor.

“That was amazing.” She said slowly, rolling her eyes up into her head, Squall blushing in the face looked down at her.

“Who in the world are you anyways? And why’d you just jump over the counter and try to strangle me to death!?” Squall asked in an annoyed matter.

“Strangle you? I was hugging you silly! And you’re that guy! The best SeeD guy to ever live! Squall Leonhart! I know you! I have your picture in my books and I got all your merchandise too! And an--!” she said, but was interrupted.

“Whatever.” Squall said quietly, sighing and shaking his head, “And my name is Leon now, for some strange reasons.” He added, Millie sat up then stayed in the sitting position as she looked up at him, keeping her hands on her knees.

“Leon?! Pffffffffffffffffffftt! That’s not even a dreamy name.” Millie said, rolling her eyes, before she stood up and shook her head quickly, snapping out of her mood and turning all serious pretty fast.

“Anyway, I have come here for one reason and one reason only...” she said slowly, then just stood there staring at Squall for the moment, not even blinking.

Crickets chirp…

“Annnnddd, that reason is?” Squall asked, not having a clue what this crazy girl was talking about.

“I need a GunBlade Squall! I good one with lots of flashy lights on it!” Millie said with determination in her voice, Squall looked at her with confusion and shook his head.

“But, I just run a teahouse here.” He said, and then pointed to the sign up above the counter that had “GunBlade Maker” crossed out with a black marker and the words “Tea House” underneath it, Millie looked up and gasped.

“Ahh... I see, well I guess I’ll be going then.” She said, sounding saddened, she had really wanted a Gunblade that was shiny and had flashing lights and made cool noises.

Squall put on a serious face too, calling out to her before he rose his right hand and moved some hair out of his eyes, narrowing them and looking all cool like, Millie looked back with the same expression she had on before.

“Why would you need something like a Gunblade with flashing lights, has a watch on it, can tell the temperature, make cool noises and even shoot bullets for?” He asked in a serious tone.

“I have to take revenge for my family, and no ordinary weapon can do that.”

“Come with me, I have to test to see if you’re worthy.” Squall said, Millie skipped after him in close pursuit, walking all the way down the stairs and into the basement, she walked past a row of Gunblades in their sheaths looking at them with awe before she looked over to Squall.

“May I?” she asked, looking as if she wanted to pick up one of them and swing it around.

“Yes you may.” Squall replied.

Millie sighed with relief then went upstairs and found the bathroom, Squall sweat dropped and shook his head slowly as he watched Millie come back down the stairs.

“Try the very shiny one with the jewel studded lollipops and built in microwave.” He said, and then watched as Millie picked it up and pulled the sword from its sheath, it was indeed very shiny so much that her eyes grew bigger and she stared for quite some time.

Squall takes out a baseball while Millie is staring in awe at the sword, then throws the ball at her head as hard as he possible can, Millie not seeing it coming was beaned in the head, she stayed still for the moment then just fell down like a sack of potatoes. @.@

Squall chuckled to himself, and then cleared his throat, walking over and nudging Millie who came back to her senses.

“What was that for?” she said, sitting up and rubbing the side of her head then pouted, her bottom lip quivering like she was about to cry.

“Stand up, a true warrior with breasts like yours doesn’t need to cry, you just have to make your enemy cry.” Squall said commandingly, wondering why he had mentioned her breasts, he needed sleep or something.

Millie followed his orders and stood up, the Gunblade still in hand, she cleared her throat in waiting for more ways to prove herself.

“I wanted to show you these, but someone as you, with your limited knowledge and small brain wouldn’t have known that I stopped making instruments of death a long time ago. I keep them to look at when I get drunk and to get girls like you to come in here so I can throw baseballs at them.” He said, taking the sword and sheath from Millie’s hands.

“I’m too lazy.”

“Then, give me that shiny one.” Millie said, her right eyebrow rising.

“Not for sale air head.” He replied quickly.

“I didn’t say sell me, I said... gimmeh! Not like I have the money to pay for it anyways.”

“And what makes you think that I’ll help you, besides you being the main character and all.” Squall said, leaning against the wall with a bored expression on his face.

“Marcus Alvarez...” Millie responded.

Squall’s eyes light up with both terror and surprise, hearing that name being said brought back memories of the man, he had taken in Selphie Tilmitt and Quistis Trepe, two people he thought he could of trusted to stay on the good side, but no.. Marcus drew them in with weight loss products and he hadn’t seen them since.

“That man, he is the most evil creature on this Earth, I didn’t even know he was still alive.” Squall replied in the same serious tone.

“You can stay here, it will take me about two hours to make the sword.” He said, then started to walk off into another room, but poked his head back out.

“I suggest you spend it training.” He said, but Millie had already fallen asleep standing up.

Squall shrugged.

Two Hours Later…


Millie sits down in front of Squall, who had the sword ready, he was sitting down with his legs crossed, holding the sheathed sword in his hands, his head lowered.

“I have done what I said I never would do again, made an instrument of death. I was pretty bored anyways, and this Tea house hardly ever gets any customers.

On the end of the sheath was cool like silver dragon-like stuff and a lion’s head carved into it.

“I tell you this with no ego, this is my finest Gunblade. If on your journey you encounter Richard Simmons... Richard Simmons will be cut. That man is the strongest man in the world, but this blade will cut through him like jello.” Squall said with pride before handing her the sheath.

Millie stood up and bowed with respect to the man before she strapped it on over her back then made her way up the stairs and out of the teahouse.

Cut back to the Teahouse Basement.

“Why the hell did I give someone so stupid my greatest sword anyway…?” Squall said, then the phone rang, he picked it up, it was Zell.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!”

Squall hung up.

“Retard.” >.>;

Numerous Taxi Rides and Buses Later…

Millie is seen in a car.

“Yojireru Le’Vally, The world’s greatest Assassin who uses her fists, this one time she was walking down the street and a dog walked in front of her so she picked up the dog and made it bite it’s own elbows off before wearing the dog as a hat and yelling out “Happy New Dog Year! 2076!” It was a terrible scene that will always be remembered for, going down in history as being even more evil than Barney The Dinosaur…

So anyways, Yoji, or as I call her, “Poji” is the head of the Yakuza stuff, even though she still isn’t very old at all, but because she was kick ass and had a cool fashion sense, the main guys of Yakuza were like, “Eh, what the hell, she looks good she can run the Japanese Mafia.” And so... she did.” Said Millie, reading carefully from a script as the camera faded.

“Did I say everything right?” <.<?

Inside a Japanese Nightclub…

Yojireru has just become the official leader of crime in the city of Tokyo, six Yakuza clan bosses, each with two bodyguards standing behind them toast to their new leader with much laughter and drinking, all except one... Seifer Almasy.

Seifer is the only one who doesn’t seem to be having any fun, he brings his fist down on the table hard, smashing a plate and getting the attention of the other bosses, everything goes silent.

“Seifer, what’s the deal man? We should be celebrating, stop being such a pansy and drink a little.” Said the man with a cowboy hat, Irvine Kinneas.

“And what exactly should I be celebrating? I’m sitting here with a bunch of perverted old men who don’t see what’s wrong with having a girl this young as our leader, it’s an abomination!” He replied harshly to the shock of the other bosses.

“Gentleman, Seifer obviously has something he wants to say, let him voice his opinion, go ahead Mr. Almasy.” Yojireru said, bowing her head and extending her hand.

“Well, as you know after Sorceress Ultimecia was defeated, we all formed this group together, we were feared and respected, yet you’re all sitting here like a bunch of chicken wusses drinking and acting like it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to us, this girl will lead us into oblivion.” Seifer said to all the members, looking at each one in turn.

The other members began chattering among themselves, mostly muttering until Yoji raised her hand.

“Silence!”

There was silence, except one man coughed.

“What kind of oblivion could I bring down upon these men Seifer?”


"I speak, Mistress Le’Vally of the taint done upon to this council, which I love more than tacos. To bring a girl in this young to lead us to –“

Yoji jumps up onto the table, running up along the table she spins around and kicks Seifer in the head so hard that his head comes off, dropping to the floor as blood cheaply sprays up from between his shoulders blades the other members watch in fright and surprise, not expecting this reaction at all.

Seifer’s two bodyguards draw their swords but Yoji stands her ground on the table, putting her hands on her hips and looking down with a deadly look in her eyes, she points her fist out towards them.

“Fight me or work for me.” She said, and then lifted her head up a bit more.

The two bodyguards drop their swords and put their hands up, stepping backwards.

“Now, everyone keep their mouths shut while I make this important announcement thingy.” She said, and then cleared her throat.

“As your leader, I encourage ya from time to time to question my beliefs, go ahead and get on my bad side. Seifer did and look what happened to him. Allow me to convince ya if ya ever have a problem with my age or experience.” She said, then looked down at the head on the floor.

“Give me that so I’ll look more evil.” She said, a man picked up a head of lettuce and held it out for Yoji, who held it up high in the air.

“The price you pay for bringing up either my age or how I look as a negative, I collect your head.

Just like this idiot here.

Now if any of you have something you want to get off your chest, now’s the time!” she said with authority, nobody said anything else after that.
“Good, meeting adjourned. Don’t forget to take a cookie on the way out.” She added in with a smile as they other bosses left.

The House of Green Potatoes.

The entire Le’Vally crew moves through the restaurant. The customers all look up now as the crew passes. The restaurant staff acts as if God himself has just showed up on
their doorstep demanding a meal. No doubt if the meal is not satisfactory the staff will gladly slice off a finger. The door to a private dining room is slid open, the crew steps
inside, the door then closes.

The camera circles around the lively area, people with ninja masks on just laughing and drinking all over the place, next to Yoji sat Karai Suki, Yoji’s personal bodyguard, she is dressed a Japanese school girl outfit complete with plaid skirts and a blazer.

Millie is seen inside the restaurant standing behind a pillar with her back to it, wearing a pink and white kimono.

On the other side of Yoji sat Amieko Hitomi, she was a little older than Yoji, but was also her best friend and lawyer, she also liked pony rides and walks on the beach.

Millie still hides away from view, moving some hair out of her face with her right hand, she was just outside the room they were in, she sneezed quite loudly.

Yoji’s head rose up as if she could sense someone was out there eavesdropping, she stood up and threw a chopstick in the direction of the noise, the chopstick went so fast that it went straight through wood, coming out the other side and just barely missing Millie’s nose.

“Karai! Go and look for the unwanted guest.” She said, pointing out the door, she follows orders and opens the door quickly, looking around with sharp eyes.

Millie was there hiding behind a plant with a sign that read.

“I, Millie Lakkam am not hiding behind this plant.” In front of the plant.

Karai couldn’t see Millie anywhere so she shrugged and closed the door again, Millie let out a sigh of relief before she went out to get a drink and something to eat just to mingle in with the people so they wouldn’t be suspicious of her, and soon enough she lurked out of the restaurant and out to her rent-a-car.

She opens the door and takes off the kimono, revealing her old battle gear. A circlet around her head was seen along with her leather sleeveless top that only covered her breasts, a leather skirt of the same color with two red belts dangling from her waist, on her upper arms were two bracelets on each arm, along with the very damaging shoes that hurt you if you get kicked by em.

“Old school!” Millie said with excitement, not remembering the last time she wore something like this, taking out the black sheathed Gunblade with the cool dragon silver dragon designs and a carved picture of griever on it she strapped it on her back and was ready to go in and get some revenge for Mr. and Mrs. Su and their family.. HER family.

She walks back in, and comes face to face with Amieko, who stops her and asks her a question.

“Yes, I’m looking for attorney of Yojireru Le’Vally, Amieko Hitomi would that be you?” Millie asked nicely.

“Yes, I am Amieko Hitomi, how can I help you?”

Millie narrows her eyes then grabs Amieko by the arm pulling her off the side, a shadow silhouette’s seen as Millie raises her own arm high up into the air.

“No! No! Anything but that!” Amieko shrieked.

Back in Yojireru’s room they are all having a good time, one of the Crazy 88 members, the so called leader, “Ed” is singing karaoke, he was terrible but they all seemed to be enjoying it.

“Yojireru Le’Vally! My boobs are bigger than yours!”

The sound of Millie’s taunt yet is heard by Yoji, catching her attention the music stopped, Yoji opens the paper door to see Millie standing there with a serious look on her face, holding onto Amieko’s outstretched right arm, her new Gunblade held high above the arm, looking like she was going to cut it off, all the people in the restaurant had retreated, Amieko had a terrified look on her face, whimpering and looking up at the crazed girl who held her life in her hands.

“Millie Ain Lakkam.” Yoji muttered under her breath as she stood on top of the stairs, staring down at the girl.

A close up Millie’s eyes were seen, she had a minor flashback scene of the Su family’s children being burnt and shot to death, a vein pulsated on the side of her head before she rose the sword higher and then in a turn of events quickly dropped the sword and tickled Amieko with both arms, taking her down to the floor and tickling her without any intention of stopping.

Millie falls to the ground with Amieko, who gets dangerously close to Millie’s new gunblade, rolling straight over it a sickening sound is heard as the sheath falls off and Amieko’s right arm gets cut right off at the shoulder blade, she rolls around on the floor bleeding like a can of deodorant if you hold the nozzle down for a really long time, screaming in pain and agony.

Millie stared down at her with her eyes widened, then looked up to Yoji, picking up her Gunblade and showing her the shininess of it, before Millie could run up the stairs and strike Yoji, the Crazy 88 came out and filled up the hallway, blocking in Yojireru so tightly that she couldn’t breath, after some cute sounding cough noises they allowed her to breathe.

Ed and Karai stand in front of them all.

Millie swipes her blade through the air, accidentally splashing the blood from Amieko into her own eyes, she flails her arms and jumps up and down with disgust while wiping her eyes on her right shoulder until she could see again.

“What the hell are ya doing Millie? I’ll make sure ya suffer just as much as she did!”

The entire floor of the dining area stands between Millie and Yoji, many of the customers had cleared out as a soon as they saw Millie draw the sword, but the staff was still there, Yoji spoke up.

“I’m sorry everybody but it looks like we’re going to have to close up, there’s a big breasted girl here that needs to be taken care of and it’s going to get VERY messy, I’d hate to be the one who cleans this up.” She said to the staff members and a few who had stuck around.

Millie, the Crazy 88, Yoji and her crew hold their ground as everyone in the ‘House of Green Potatoes’ who was not involved in the fight left the building.

“Kleetus.” Yoji merely said.

Kleetus, an average looking man in a black suit like the rest with a ninja eye mask on, took out his sword all quick like and yelled like a madman as he ran down towards Millie with his sword raised up.

Millie raises her sword up to chest height and waits until Kleetus swings and when he does, she presses a button on the Gunblade that brought up all the flashing lights and a song started to play.

“I’m a barbeh girl! In a barbeh worrrrrllldd!”

Kleetus was fascinated by the shiny sword that had music, distracting him enough so that Millie could just smack him in the temple with the side of her hilt, Kleetus stumbled backwards and fell onto an open water fountain as Millie put her Gunblade down turning it off and looking back up to Yoji who growled with anger, not knowing Millie was this good.

“Raawwwwrrrr! Tear her apart!” Yoji yelled out and sent six more down to fight Millie, their names weren’t important because the writer of this fanfic was becoming tired and has been writing this for a very long time and can’t be bothered thinking up six names, but back to the story.

They unsheathed their swords at the same time then surround Millie on the floor, she holds the Gunblade close to her chest as she looks behind her and in front constantly.

“Let’s see uh...” Millie said with thought, then pressed another button on the Gunblades hilt, immediately the blade couldn’t be controlled by Millie as it sliced through the chest and stomachs of the three men leaving them standing there bleeding to death with blood spraying out of their open wounds before the fell to the floor in a heap.

“Sorry sorry sorry!” Millie said with panic, trying to turn the button off but it didn’t work as her blade slashed right through a man’s upper torso, his upper body falling to the ground, while another one gets impaled right through the chest, then picked up by Millie and thrown into the pond with the others, the last one coming for her, Millie merely kicks in the groin and tosses into the water.

Yoji stood behind Karai and Ed with a scorned look on her face, Millie just stands there looking back up at Yoji again, ready to fight both Karai and Ed if she had to, just then the sound of motorcycle engines was heard in the distance, Millie dropped her guard and looked over to where the noises were coming from, shaking her head, Yoji smiles.

“Ya didn’t think it’d be that easy did ya?”

“Ya know, for a second there... I was almost gonna said you had nice boobs.” Millie replied, and then sighed.

“Silly cat.” Yoji said quietly.

“Dogs go whacko for schmackos” They both said at the same time.

Soon enough motorcycles could be seen coming into the restaurant, starting to circle Millie with swords and other miscellaneous weapons.

Yoji feels something is wrong, she starts to count the 88 with a look of concern on her face, only counting 87.

“Hey! Where’s number 57!?” She called out.

“Uh! He’s new! He probably forgot we were supposed to meet here!” A voice called out from among the bunch.

Afterwards they all got off their motorcycles and surrounded Millie, creating a large circle around her. Millie up the Gunblade in front of her face and looked around, a worried expression on her face.

“Aww man, this is all because I forgot to bring the cheese dip isn’t it.” Millie said, looking around at all the eyes on her.

( Yeah I know I twisted the story around a little bit, but I’d prefer to do the Crazy 88 fight first before fighting Karai who is Gogo Yubari in the Kill Bill vol 1 movie. It’ll be fine... and now, for the thing at the end of the other volumes! )

Will Millie survive against 88—?

Yoji: 87!

87 warriors? Will the power of the Flashy Gunblade be enough to stop all of them or has Millie gone in far too deep? Find out on the next installment of…

DON’T KILL MILL!