How To Cook A Husband

A good many husbands are spoiled by mismanagement. Some women go about as if their husbands were bladders, and blow them up; others keep them constantly in hot water, others let them freeze by their carelessness and indifference. Some keep them in a stew by irritating ways and words, others roast them, and some keep them as a pickle all their lives.

It cannot be supposed that any husband will be tender and good when managed in these ways, but they are really delicious when properly treated.

In selecting a husband you should not be guided by their silvery appearance, as in buying a mackerel; nor by the golden tint, as if you wanted a salmon.

Be sure and select him yourself, as tastes differ.

Do not go to the market for him as the best is always brought to your door. It is far better to have none unless you will patiently learn how to cook him.

A preserving kettle of the finest porcelain is best, but if you have nothing better than an earthenware it will do with care.

See that the linen in which you wrap him is nicely washed and mended with the required number of buttons tightly sewed on. Tie him in the kettle by a strong silken cord called "comfort" as the one called "duty" is apt to be weak.

Make a steady fire out of love, neatness and cheerfulness. Set him as near as seems to agree with him. If he sputters and fizzles do not be anxious; some husband do this until quite done.

Add a little sugar in the form of what the confectioners call kissed, but no vinegar or pepper on any account. A little spice improves him, but must be used with judgment. Do not stick any sharp instrument in him to see if he is becoming tender. Stir him gently now and then. You cannot fail to know when he is done. If thus treated you will find him very relishable, agreeing nicely with you and the children, and he will keep as long as you want, unless you become careless and set him in too cool a place.

~Author Unknown~