Here’s something that our culture has helped us to lose sight of: women are PEOPLE, they’re NOT objects. Thus, we shouldn’t treat them like objects. So now you’re thinking, “I don’t look at women as objects.” If that’s true, then good for you: you’re one giant step closer to being able to treat another human being, created in the likeness of God, how she deserves to be treated. There are quite a few important considerations you need to make before jumping to this conclusion, though.

Does the sight of scantily clad, attractive women ‘turn you on’? If you’re anywhere between 12 and 90, the answer to this question should be yes. That in and of itself is nothing bad; it’s how God made us. Sin comes into play if you went looking for the women just so you could look at them, or if you chanced upon them and then decided to indulge in their beauty.

Do you watch TV/surf the internet/read magazines/cruise the mall/etc. in the hope that you’ll see scantily clad, attractive women (and thus, get turned on)? If so, then you’re treating women as objects. The second you start using feminine beauty to satisfy your sexual desires, then you’re treating women as objects. Sadly, in our society, it’s all too easy to do; you don’t even have to watch HBO or Cinemax to see women dressed provocatively, nor do you have to subscribe to Playboy. Of course, if you watch late-night HBO or Cinemax, or ‘read’ Playboy, then you’re asking for it. And, if you see a scantily clad, attractive woman (or any woman for that matter), and you give her that second, or third, or fourth look, and begin to indulge in the sight of her (‘undressing her with your eyes’), then you’re treating her as an object. You’re using her to satisfy your own selfish desire for sexual gratification, which God ingrained pretty strongly into teenage guys.

If you look at pornography, then you’re not alone, in fact you’re probably in the majority; the majority isn’t always right, though. Many teenage boys fall into that trap, and some men never fully come out of it. You’ve probably rationalized your habit in one form or another. You’ve just got to have some way to vent your sexual energy, or perhaps it has more to do with telling yourself that it doesn’t hurt anyone. God gave us a natural way to vent our sexual energy: it’s called prayer. Pray for the strength to resist temptation; it worked for St. Thomas Aquinas. I can attest to the fact that the temptation is very strong at times; but, I can also attest to the fact that it is possible to overcome. Spend your time thinking about other things, concerning yourself with a hobby (or in some cases, a different hobby), or spending time with family and friends (preferably girls/women). If you never leave yourself alone, then you won’t be nearly as subject to the temptation to do something that you wouldn’t do in the presence of others.

And if you think that it doesn’t hurt anyone, then you might want to think about a few things. To put it tamely: how would your future wife like it if she knew that you had seen untold numbers of women naked, before you had seen her naked for the first time? You’re compromising your gift of sexuality from God, and you’re taking away from your wife’s (and your own) right to your body, as God created it. On your wedding night, you’ll be haunted by visions of the only sexual images that you know. Your wife’s body won’t be as precious to you, because you’ve already seen everything that there is to see. Also, it hurts all of the women you come into contact with. There is no more obvious way to treat a woman as an object than to be aroused by a picture of someone you’ve never met. You have no idea about her personality, and you don’t even know her name, all you know is that it ‘feels’ good to lust over her. And so you do it. And you do it again. And again. Every time you lust over a picture (or a movie, for that matter) of a woman, you’re treating a woman as an object. Ok, so how does that affect how I treat women whom I actually know, you ask? Everything that we do when no one’s watching manifests itself in some way, shape, or form in our social lives. If we feel no pressure to treat women as objects when God is the only one who knows what we’re doing, then what’s to keep us from treating women as objects everyday in our thoughts, when only God knows what we’re thinking? Think about it guys; women deserve more than that. And we’re called to give them more than that. Objects can be used and discarded at your convenience; people just aren’t the same way. Every person is created in the likeness of God, and we should treat them as such.

If you’re romantically involved with someone, what’s the role/importance of the physical aspect of your relationship? If you can’t live without seeing your significant other for more than a day, then (for guys, at least) you’re probably placing too much importance on the physical. When you touch her, is it because you want to express your love for her, or is it because it ‘feels’ good? If you do it because it feels good, then you’re treating her like an object. That doesn’t mean that it’s automatically sinful if it does ‘feel’ good, though. We are physical beings, and thus some of our needs are physical. God so loved the world, that he gave His only Son. Every Sunday, we eat His body and drink His blood. We need a physical sign of God’s love just as we need physical signs of love for each other. Physical acts, specifically receiving the Eucharist and participating in the marriage act, serve as a completion: they provide the presence of touch. If you truly see your significant other as a person and not an object, then you’ll touch her to show her that you love her, and not just because it feels good. If you touch your girlfriend sexually, then you’re stealing from what rightfully belongs to her future spouse. How would you like it if your wife had already been there, and done that, when you took her to your marriage bed for the first time? If you treat the women you come into contact with as people, instead of as objects, then you’ll be helping to ensure that those women can give fully of themselves to their future husbands; and, you’ll be also be able to give the gift of yourself more fully to your future wife.

If you want more info on the topic of respect for women, then you should check out the Catholic education website. If you want to talk more to me (Gary) or Noelle about the topic, then feel free to post something on our discussion board, or e-mail us