notes/disclaimers
The Old Apartment
by Innusiq
When he opened his eyes, he was startled to find a pair staring right back at
him. This wasn't a normal occurrence but on occasions his days did begin
this way. They were soulful eyes and eyes that knew him probably better then
anyone else. Ray reached out to stroke the face of his early morning
observer. When said observer was satisfied with his morning greeting, Ray's
hand received a proper and sloppy lick. "Yick! I don't know who's more
disgusting you or Benny."
Diefenbaker huffed at Ray's reaction to his own morning greeting. He also
huffed because he knew who was the less disgusting between himself and
Fraser. He was an animal after all and it was in his nature to lick things.
He didn't know what excuse his Alpha pack mate had for his own licking
rituals. Huffing again, the wolf turned and headed back to his spot under
the window.
Ray stared at his hand not knowing what to do at first then he sheepishly
wiped it on the blanket that covered him. At that same moment, Ray could
feel the body next to him shift. Strong arms wormed their way around him,
pulling his body closer and a warm tongue trailed its way up his neck to his
ear. "Are you sure you don't know?"
A smile broke out on Ray's face. "Your wolf is definitely the worst of you
two," Ray replied as he turned around in the embrace to face Fraser. "Do you
know where his tongue has been?"
Fraser paused in his response as if contemplating the answer then replied,
"Yes, but do you know where mine has been?"
Fraser's playful response was something Ray was just getting use to. Of
course with Ray, Fraser was Benny and in being Benny he was a more relaxed
and playful Fraser than anyone else got to see but there were just day that
it still took Ray by surprise. Offering a devilish smile, Ray replied, "Oh
yeah and I like where that tongue has been."
Grinning with a small chuckle, Fraser asked, "Oh yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Even though it licked a tire yesterday?"
"Mmm-hmmm."
"And Diefenbaker's paw the day before?"
"Mmm-hmmm."
"And . . ."
Using his own body weight to push Fraser onto his back, Ray stopped that
never ending list of things licked by his own mouth and tongue seeking
Fraser's. Pulling away, Ray concluded. "I believe your wolf's tongue has
many more germs than yours."
Brushing the back of his hand against Ray's cheek, Fraser said, "Well Ray,
that is a common misconception. The fact is that there are fewer germs in a
dogs - or should I say wolf's - mouth than a human's. And furthermore, they
also say if you let a dog lick a wound – for example, a paper cut or scratch
- it will heal faster." This information was given out with more enthusiasm
than was truly necessary but that was the way Fraser always got when sharing
his useless knowledge.
"Really Benny? I'll have to remember that the next time I get a paper cut,"
Ray said as he rolled off his lover. "I still like your licking better."
"Why is that, Ray?" Fraser teased.
"You know how to control the drooling. Furface over there seems to think a
bath is required when licking."
Fraser chuckled at the comment made. "He does get a little over excited,
doesn't he?"
"Over excited? You call his drooling just getting over excited? It's like
Niagara Falls when he's done with me.
"But he likes you Ray."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Ray said in a dismissive manner as he climbed out of the
bed.
"Well Ray, he is just a wolf."
"You may believe that but I know, somewhere deep down, there is a little
person in there and he's laughing at me."
"Ray . . ."
"No Benny, you don't see the way he looks at me sometimes. He knows . . . he
knows things that I think I don't even know."
"Now Ray, that's just silly." But oddly, Fraser did have to agree with Ray's
assessment because there were day's even he felt that way.
Ray ignored that comment and headed towards the suitcase he had previously
packed his casual clothes in. Searching through its contents, he was having
trouble finding what he was looking for. "Damn it."
Fraser could sense Ray was agitated even before the curse was said out loud.
It was a difficult time for them both. Not so much difficult but stressful.
Two days ago they had spent the evening moving all of Fraser's belongings out
of the apartment on West Racine. It didn't take to long. Everything he
owned fit in his backpack and his father's trunk. Yesterday, the majority of
the day was used to pack up Ray's own belongings from his family home. That
task took all day and even when the midnight hour hit, there were still items
that hadn't been attended to. Moving was never easy.
" . . . Benny?" Ray called for the third time seeing Fraser was either in a
daze or deep in thought.
"Yes Ray?"
"Do you know where we put my sweaters?" Ray asked as he slipped on a pair of
jeans.
Fraser finally climbed out of the bed and headed to the opposite side of the
room from where Ray stood and opened the suitcase Francesca had loaned them
for their move. "I believe . . . ah, yes, here they are." Fraser delicately
searched for one that he thought suited Ray. "How about this one?" Fraser
turned, offering the dark green sweater to Ray.
Ray smiled, knowing why Fraser had picked it out. Fraser like it when ever
Ray wore green. He claimed it brought out the color of his eyes. "That's
fine Benny, thank you." Slipping the sweater on, things were finally coming
to order or as orderly as they could be when a couple was preparing to move
into their new apartment that day.
"Are you ready for today Benny?" Ray asked as he closed the suitcase he had
opened and lowered it onto the floor.
"Yes Ray, why wouldn't I be?" Fraser asked as he pulled on a pair of jeans.
Ray shrugged his shoulders as he watched Fraser get dressed. "I don't know.
Moving is a big step . . . I know I am a little nervous."
Fraser looked up from buttoning his shirt a bit startled at hearing Ray was
nervous. "Nervous?"
Shrugging again, Ray said, "Well, not so much nervous . . . but I sorta have
mixed feelings about it." During their conversation, Ray began moving and
stacking boxes into a better order than no order.
"Mixed feelings? I don't understand Ray."
"Well, this is my home Benny. It's been my home for 30 years. I have a lot
of memories stored in these walls and it's gonna be hard to leave them
behind," Ray explained.
Fraser just stared at Ray not knowing what to say.
"Ah, I don't expect you to understand. All you had to leave behind was that
rat-trap of an apartment. You're probably glad to be out of there, finally.
I know I'm glad you are." Ray didn't even notice the slight change in his
lover's facial features. He was too busy moving boxes around.
Fraser went from being speechless to total shock at the words Ray spoke. Ray
truly didn't understand.
"Hey Benny, cat got your tongue or what? You're awful quiet over there."
When Ray turned to see what Fraser was up to he nearly dropped the box he
held. "What? Are you okay? What's wrong?" Ray set the box down and tried
to approach him but Fraser backed away.
"Ah . . . I have to . . . ah, I have to go . . . I have some things . . . "
Not finishing his statement, Fraser grabbed his pack and moved to leave the
guest bedroom of the Vecchio home. Turning in the doorway, he looked back at
Ray but couldn't form the words in his mouth and just left without saying
anything.
At that point Ray knew, somewhere between getting dressed and turning to look
at Fraser he had said something wrong but he didn't know what. Retracing his
steps he went over the words he said and in the end, he collapsed on the bed
when he realized just when he had stuck his foot in his mouth. "Stupid,
stupid, stupid. How could I be so stupid."
Diefenbaker lifted his head up and looked at Ray. "You, keep your yap shut."
Diefenbaker grumbled and went back to his nap.
In the time that Fraser was gone, Ray was able to finish packing up the rest
of his personal belongings, load them into the U-haul they had rented for the
move and drove their belongings over to their new apartment. The rest of his
family, which consisted of his brother-in-law, Tony and his sisters, Maria
and Francesca, met him at the apartment to help unload the boxes and sparse
furniture he owned. He made up a pitiful excuse of Fraser having to work to
cover the Mountie's absence and they all bought it. When the U-haul was
empty, Tony volunteered to return it and Ray dropped his sister's off at home
. . . well, their home now.
Ray watched his sisters enter the Vecchio family home and sighed at the
thought of returning to the empty apartment. Technically, the apartment
wasn't "empty" but it seemed that way without Fraser in it.
A head popped forward from the back seat and was placed on Ray's shoulder
with a sigh of his own. "Yeah, I know Dief but I don't know where he is.
Remember he left this morning without saying a word. How the hell am I
supposed to know where he is?"
Diefenbaker huffed his response. "I didn't mean it ya know . . . it just
came out . . . I wish I knew where he went . . . "
The wolf's head popped up with a bark. "What?" Another bark was his
response. "What, you know where Benny went?" Two barks in a row was his
answer. "This is great, I don't even know where my own lover is but his wolf
does." Ray shook his head is digust but then looked the wolf in the eyes and
asked, "Where is boy?"
The grumble from the wolf had Ray smacking his own forehead. "Why didn't I
think of that? Sometimes . . . " Ray stopped and looked at the wolf again,
deep in his eyes trying to see that small person he was certain was in there
but there was nothing. His own eyes were the only thing reflecting back in
the warm amber ones. "Thanks Dief." Ray gave Diefenbaker's neck a rub, then
he turned to face forward in the Riv and pulled out of the driveway, heading
for the place only Fraser would have gone.
It was the longest afternoon to date in Ray's opinion and as he trudged up
the familiar stairs he was thankful that it was finally coming to an end. He
definitely wouldn't miss this building or its watermarked walls or it's
broken elevator or its creaky stairs but he finally realized that Fraser
would. No matter how awful the place was it had been Fraser's home for three
years - probably the longest time he had ever spent in one place since
leaving his grandparent's for the R.C.M.P. and Ray was feeling sheepish for
not realizing that sooner.
Reaching the third floor took no time. He had made this trip just about
every day or at least it seemed like every day since meeting the Mountie.
The door at the end of the hallway was open and Ray watched the wolf that
accompanied him brush passed him excitedly and into apartment 3J. Even
Diefenbaker was going to miss this place. Ray was beginning to feel a pang
of guilt enter his chest because he wasn't going to miss it at all.
Entering the apartment the way he had every other time - no knock - just
walking through the threshold, Ray was taken back by the eerie emptiness the
confronted him. Next to the door was Fraser's pack, Diefenbaker could be
seen prancing around sniffing the areas that were his "territory" and at the
window was Fraser. If Ray didn't know any better, he would assume the man he
loved was sulking. Ray approached Fraser from behind and wrapped his arms
around the solitary figure.
Fraser sighed when he felt the familiar arms wrap around him and the lips
press against his neck. He had spent the entire day here and he didn't know
why. There wasn't anything left that was his. It was an empty apartment -
more so than the day he had moved in. "How did you find me?"
Resting his chin on Fraser's shoulder, Ray looked out the window at Fraser's
view. It was growing dark outside and Ray wondered just how long Fraser had
stood in that one position looking at that one scene. Of course, it could
have been all day seeing the man had good practice with sentry duty. "You're
not gonna believe me even if I tell you," Ray said, tightening his hold on
Fraser.
The silence that followed troubled Ray and he decided to answer the question.
"Ah, Dief told me." Fraser moved to get out of the embrace and Ray let him
go. "Benny, what happened this morning?" Ray knew what happened but the
question was asked in an effort to get Fraser talking. If anything, Fraser's
silence hurt Ray more than any word he could ever say.
Pacing around the empty room, Fraser stopped to look at Ray and began with
what he had been thinking about all afternoon. "Ray, I know this decision
was hard for you to make - to move out of your family home - a home filled
with so many happy memories . . . "
"Benny, it wasn't a hard decision . . ." Ray interrupted to only be
interrupted himself.
"Please let me finish." Fraser waited for Ray's acceptance of his request,
then he continued. "I know your home holds a special place in your heart.
To leave your family home for the second time . . . I know it was a hard
decision. I have already done that - more than once and it's never easy but
this apartment . . . this apartment was my home, Ray."
A pause in words let Ray get in a few of his own. "I know Benny."
Fraser looked directly into Ray's eyes and he could see that Ray felt truly
sorry if not a little guilty for what happened this morning. Looking away and
around the apartment as if he could see the memories etched on the spots they
happened in, Fraser continued. "This was my home and it became our home for a
short while. This was where I stuck my roots down in a foreign land and
survived. This was where my friendship with you grew into more than I could
have possibly hoped for." Fraser stopped for a moment, then began again with
a slight blush. "This was where we first kissed and where we first made
love."
Walking to a particular spot in the area that was the bedroom, Fraser stood
still with his eyes shut remembering. Without thinking, he said out loud,
"This is where you first told me you loved me."
Ray swallowed the lump in his throat. A sentimental Fraser was new for him
but oh so lovely. Closing the gap that separated them, Ray pulled Fraser
into an embrace and whispered into his ear. "I do love you Benny."
Fraser released a sigh as he brought his hands up to cup Ray's face. "I know
- I love you too."
"I'm so sor . . ." Before the apology could be completed, Ray's mouth was
silenced by his lover's. The intake of air could be felt against Ray's face
as Fraser was trying to taste and smell at the same time. Ray moaned quietly
but it could be felt by both of them. Pulling away and breathing
irregularly, Ray said, "Hey Benny?"
"Yes Ray?"
"How 'bout we say goodbye to this place properly," Ray suggested as he
removed his jacket.
"But . . ." and that was all Fraser got out before what Ray had actually said
dawned on him. "Oh . . . OH! . . . oh . . ." Fraser blushed and grinned
demurely.
"Oh, yeah." Ray turned about and headed towards the door. "Hey Furface?
Dief? Out," Ray said as he pointed to the hallway.
Diefenbaker got up from his relaxed position and uncharacteristically
followed Ray's directions for once. When he was in the hallway, Ray stooped
down taking the wolf's muzzle in his hand and making eye contact saying "You
stay out here and don't let anyone in, capise?" Diefenbaker licked Ray's
cheek and not even flinching, Ray said, "Thank you."
Ray stood up and closed the door behind him. "Now, where were we?"
"Ray, you let Diefenbaker lick you," Fraser stated in an astonished tone.
"Yeah, well, I cut myself shaving this morning and I thought it might help it
heal quicker."
Fraser chuckled heartily as the two men came together again. "You never
cease to amaze me, Ray"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Outside, Diefenbaker stood staring at the closed door and when he was certain
things were going the way they should, he laid down and placed his head on
his paws. It was going to be a while and he had a duty to do. And just like
a Mountie, Diefenbaker was willing to lay down his life in the name of duty.
Within five minutes, the wolf was sound asleep.
The End
Title: The Old Apartment
Author: Innusiq
Ratings: PG
Genre: Slash
Category: Romance (can I say this is going to be a little sappy?)
Pairing(s): Fraser/Vecchio
Spoilers: None
Teaser: The boys are moving.
This sucker was inspired by many things: 1) Shannon's lovely Dief story;
2) a Cheerio's commercial – don't ask; 3) a Barenaked Ladies song (see story
title)