notes/disclaimers
Ben's eyes flew open and he automatically looked over
at the clock. 3:34 a.m. Then he couldn't have heard
his name being called. But he could have sworn that
was what had awakened him.
He heard his name again.
"Benny." Ray's head was tossing from side to side on
his pillow, and his arms were moving as if they were
trying to catch something. "Benny, no."
"Ray?"
"No! Benny! Benny!" Ray was yelling now, and he sat
up in the bed with a loud gasp.
Ben switched on the light and gently grabbed his lover
by the shoulders. "Ray?"
Ray turned to face him. He was shaking, and his eyes
were huge in his face; showing panic and fear.
He grabbed Ben and pulled him into a tight embrace.
"Benny... Benny."
"Sssh, Ray, it's all right. I'm all right. I'm here,
love. I'm safe. I'm here. I'm with you, Ray."
Ben placed a soft kiss on the top of Ray's head and
started rocking him gently.
Ray tightened his arms around Ben's waist still
further and buried his face into Ben's shoulder.
Ben could feel Ray's heart pounding and he ran a hand
gently up and down Ray's back. "It was a nightmare,
Ray. Just a dream. It's over now. Everything is
okay."
Ray couldn't answer, he just drew a deep, shuddering
breath.
"You're still upset over what happened this
afternoon."
Ray pulled away to stare at him, an expression of
disbelief on his face. "Well of course I am, you
idiot!"
He then gave Ben a gentle, tender kiss. "Oh God,
Benny. You scared the hell out of me. You know, you
don't carry a gun; and you're not Superman, Benny.
You've got to stop charging blindly into situations
like that."
"I wasn't alone, Ray. You were right behind me."
"I was like ten steps behind you, Benny; and that was
enough. It was more than enough." Ray shivered,
remembering.
"I came into the alley just in time to see him take a
shot at you. I saw you drop, and I didn't know if
you'd been... I thought you might be..." Ray's words
dried up, and he buried his face against Ben's
shoulder again.
"No, Ray. No. He didn't shoot me. He didn't kill
me. I'm here, Ray; I'm fine."
"This time, Benny." Ray's words were half-muffled
against Fraser's skin. "You have to stop tempting
fate. One day you're gonna chase some guy into an
alley who isn't hopped up on drugs; who will be able
to get a good shot at you. What the hell is going to
happen then?"
"Ray, I can't stop being a police officer just because
there's danger involved."
Ray sat up and looked at Benny. "And I can't lose
you, Benny. I can't. You know, it's a good thing
Huey was right behind me; because when I saw you fall,
I froze. I just froze. Everything I had ever learned
about being a cop went right out the window.
"I wasn't a cop anymore; I was just a man who was
terrified that he had lost the person he loves more
than anything in this world."
"Oh, Ray." Ben whispered, his own voice trembling
slightly.
"I mean it, Benny. You may have been the one in
danger, but I'm the one whose life flashed before his
eyes."
Ben gave a shaky laugh.
"And I've got to tell you, Benny; I didn't much like
the picture of my life without you in it. It's..."
Ray broke off and shuddered again. "I need you,
Benny."
"Ray, I..." Ray cut Ben's words off with a
passionate, lingering kiss. At last Ray pulled away
to gaze into his lover's face.
"I know you need to be a cop, Benny. I know that,
okay? But you can be a cop and be careful, too. It
can be done, you know."
"Ray..."
"Don't you dare argue with me, Benny. It was
different when it was just you, charging off alone
across the frozen wastelands. But it's not like that
anymore. You have people who count on you being
there; people who need you. You're just going to have
to get used to it, Constable. You have people in your
life who love you."
Ben nodded and swallowed and gave Ray a small nod.
"All right, Ray. I'll try."
"You do more than try, Benny. If you get yourself
killed in the line of duty due to some stupid heroics
I'll be so pissed off that I'll never forgive you."
"Understood."
The two men were silent for awhile, holding each
other.
"Ray?"
"Yeah, Benny?"
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"Do you think you can get back to sleep now, my love?"
Ben asked.
"I think so."
Ben turned the light off, and the two men lay back
against their pillows.
"Come here." Ray said, pulling Ben into his arms.
Benny happily rolled over to lay against Ray's chest.
With Ray's hand gently stroking his back, Ben quickly
fell asleep; but Ray stayed awake for a long time, his
cheek resting against Ben's hair, deep in thought.
THE END