notes/disclaimers
Ray pulled the Riviera to a stop at a red light and
sighed quietly, stretching his back as much as he
could. It had been one hell of a day.
He and Benny had just come from the station house
after finishing the paperwork on their latest case.
It had been a very interesting report- even for a case
of his and Benny's.
Lt. Welsh had read the details of the kidnapping,
robbery, and Benny's memory loss in absolute silence.
Finally he had looked up at Ray and said "Good night,
Detective. I'll see you tomorrow." Ray didn't know
if he should be nervous or relieved at Welsh's
reaction.
And poor Benny would have to go through a similar
encounter with Inspector Thatcher; although it was
almost a given that her reaction would not be nearly
as calm and quiet as Welsh's. That was one
conversation that could definitely wait until
tomorrow.
Ray put the car back in gear as the light changed;
then looked over at Benny. Fraser was sitting
quietly, his head leaning against the headrest with
his eyes closed.
"Hey Benny, you okay?"
Ben grinned. "Yes, Ray, I'm okay. Just as I was five
minutes ago when you asked me, and when you asked me
five minutes before that."
"All right. Sorry."
Ben opened his eyes and looked over at Ray. "It's all
right," he smiled, giving Ray a gentle squeeze on the
thigh.
Ray smiled back, and the rest of the ride to Benny's
apartment was completed in silence.
When they entered the apartment, Dief headed over
towards them but stopped a few feet from Ben, whining
anxiously.
"Hello, Diefenbaker." Dief trotted over to Ben, his
tail wagging happily, and Ben knelt down to pet him.
Dief gave him a short bark. "Yes, I know. And I
apologize; but I'm back now."
Ray smiled as he hung up his coat. He knew exactly
how the wolf felt. "You hungry, Benny?"
Ben nodded. "Very hungry. You?"
"Starving," Ray grinned.
"All right, I'll make us some dinner," Ben said,
walking over to the refrigerator.
Ray intercepted him, grabbing his shoulders and
turning him around. "I'll make dinner Benny. Why
don't you just relax for a little while?"
"Ray, I'm perfectly capable of making dinner."
"I know that, Benny. But see, we have a rule here in
America. If you fall off a speeding van and hit your
head, you don't have to make dinner that night."
"Ah," Ben grinned, "I was not aware of that. We don't
have that rule in Canada. In that case, I'll be happy
to let you make dinner."
"Good," Ray smiled, "why don't you get changed, love?"
Ben nodded and headed into the bedroom. Ray watched
him go, then removed his suit jacket and draped it
over the back of a chair. He removed his tie and
dropped it onto his jacket, then rolled up his sleeves
before heading over to the refrigerator to see what he
could scrounge up for their meal.
Deciding to go with something quick and easy, Ray
poured some soup into a saucepan to heat up and got to
work making grilled cheese sandwiches.
He jumped as he felt a kiss placed on the back of his
neck. "God, Benny! I didn't hear you come back in!"
"Sorry." But Benny was grinning at him.
Ray smiled at Ben, searching his face carefully.
"Benny, you look exhausted."
"I feel quite tired. It's been a long day."
"A bad day."
Ben nodded, and Ray dropped the spoon into the soup
pan and took Ben into his arms, holding him tightly.
"Ray..."
"Sssh. I've been wanting to do this all afternoon,
Benny."
Ben tightened his arms around Ray and buried his face
into his shoulder. "I'm sorry Ray," he said, his
words muffled against the silk of Ray's shirt. "I'm
sorry."
"Oh, Benny, it's not your fault."
They stood quietly holding each other until the sound
of the soup boiling penetrated Ray's consciousness.
"Sit down love," Ray said, placing a gentle kiss on
Ben's lips.
Ben nodded and took his seat at the table while Ray
finished preparing the meal. Ben was unusually quiet
while they ate, and Ray kept glancing over at him
nervously.
When he cleared the table and began washing the dishes
and Benny didn't even offer to help, Ray became really
alarmed.
"Benny," he said, turning from the sink to face his
partner, "I know you're getting sick of me asking
this, but are you sure you're all right?"
Ben didn't answer, he just sighed, keeping his eyes on
his hands, which were folded on the table in front of
him.
Ray turned the water off and moved back over to the
table, his heart starting to pound nervously.
"Benny?"
Another quiet sigh. "I'm all right, Ray. It's
just... something's been bothering me."
"What's that?" Ray asked, pulling out a chair and
sitting down.
Ben looked up, meeting Ray's gaze at last, and he
looked very troubled. "When I was first starting to
get my memory back, when I remembered the license
plate number, you said 'Benny, I could kiss you!'"
"Yeah?" Ray asked, clearly puzzled.
"I said that I thought we were just friends and you
said 'oh, we are'. You answered me quite hastily, and
you seemed very anxious that I not think that we were
more than friends. Why did you do that, Ray?"
"Oh Benny," Ray said quietly, taking Ben's right hand
between both of his own and squeezing it firmly. Ben
looked confused and hurt, and Ray felt a wave of guilt
wash over him. As if Benny hadn't had enough to
contend with already.
"Benny, I just said that because you were dealing with
so much already. At the time you weren't really
you, you know? I didn't know how you'd react to the
news that I was actually your lover. I was afraid
that you might freak out on me or something."
Ben smiled. "Yes, I guess that reaction wouldn't have
been outside the realm of possibility, would it?"
"No," Ray replied with a small smile of his own.
"I wasn't quite myself, was I?"
"That's an understatement." Ray squeezed Ben's hand a
little harder.
When he had first realized that Benny had amnesia, Ray
had been panicked, afraid that Fraser had a serious
head injury. Once he had been reassured by the doctor
that Fraser's injury was not severe, he had felt very
relieved, and had wanted him to get his memory back so
they could track down the license plate number and
solve the case.
But as the day wore on and he found himself spending
more and more time with a stranger with Fraser's face,
Ray had almost stopped caring about the case at all.
He had just wanted Fraser's memory to return so that
the unsettling man next to him would go away and he
could have his Benny back.
Ben tilted his head to the side, studying Ray
carefully. "What, Ray? There's more, isn't there?"
Ray nodded and swallowed. "Yeah, Benny. I... I
remember seeing or reading someplace that sometimes
when someone has amnesia, they're blocking their
memories for some psychological reason. That they
don't want to remember something."
Ben was staring at him in absolute surprise. "What
are you saying?"
Ray just shook his head and looked away.
"Ray, I think you've seen one too many bad TV movies.
I don't know why it took all afternoon for my memory
to return, but I can assure you the reasons were
purely physical.
"What other reason could there possibly be? Why on
earth would I want to forget you? Forget the best
love I have ever known? How much I love you and more
than that, how much you love me?
"What do you think happened, Ray? Somewhere in my
head I said 'Gee, I'm happier than I have ever been or
ever thought I would be. I have a man who loves me
completely and treats me better than I deserve. But I
think I'll just throw all that away'? Even I'm not
that self-destructive, Ray."
Ray was smiling at him. "Yeah?"
"Yes." Benny took Ray's face between his hands for a
lingering kiss. "Besides, Ray, I think I did
remember, on some level. Even though I had no idea
who you were, I trusted you absolutely. I believed
everything you told me about myself, and yourself, and
my life. And I followed you on what appeared to be a
wild goose chase, allowing this man whom I didn't know
drive me around the city.
"On the surface of it, that wasn't a very safe or
smart thing to do. But I knew- somehow I just knew
that you weren't lying to me. That you would protect
me and keep me safe, and make sure nothing happened to
me. So you see Ray, I loved you, even though I
couldn't remember you."
Ray's smile was wide enough to nearly split his face
in two, and his eyes were sparkling with happiness.
"Benny, I could kiss you."
Ben grinned at him. "I thought we were just friends."
"Oh, we're friends, all right, but we are definitely
not just friends."
"I'm very glad to hear that," Ben said, then wrapped
his arms around Ray's waist and kissed him.
Ray grabbed Benny and drew them both to their feet,
and the two men stumbled and staggered over to the bed
without breaking the kiss.
They sat down on the bed and Ray released Ben's waist
and plunged both hands into Ben's hair. His fingers
encountered a bump on Benny's head, and Ben gasped and
flinched, breaking the kiss.
"Benny?"
"Sorry Ray." Ben leaned forward to kiss him again,
but Ray pushed him gently away.
"No Benny, hang on a second," he said, running his
fingers over the lump again, very lightly this time.
"God, Benny!"
"It's all right, Ray, it's not that bad."
"Benny..."
"Sssh," Ben smiled, then pulled Ray into another kiss.
All of Ray's objections and questions were forgotten
under the onslaught of Benny's lips and tongue. He
slowly ran his hands down Ben's chest, then tugged the
sweatshirt over Ben's head and tossed it to the floor.
Turning back, Ray froze again.
"What, Ray?" Ben gasped, upset that his lover had
stopped.
Ray didn't answer, he just ran his fingertips lightly
over the ugly bruises showing vividly on Ben's arm and
his side.
"Oh," Ben said, "don't worry about it, Ray. It's
fine."
Ray gave his lover a look that clearly said he didn't
believe him. Giving Ben a kiss, Ray pushed him gently
down until he was lying against the pillows. "You
just lay there and relax and let me do all the work,
all right, Benny?"
Ben smiled up at him. "I think I can do that."
"Good."
Ray ran his fingers down the side of Ben's face, then
leaned down for a kiss. He then trailed a series of
kisses down Benny's body, giving special loving
attention to the bruises and scrapes.
He grasped the waistband of Ben's sweatpants and Ben
obligingly lifted his hips off the bed so Ray could
slide the sweatpants off and throw them to the floor.
Ben reached up and started to unbutton Ray's shirt,
but Ray pulled his hands away. "No Benny, I'm doing
all the work, remember?" He placed a kiss against the
back of each hand, then slowly and teasingly began
disrobing in front of his lover.
Ben caught Ray's eye and smiled, then ran a hand down
his own chest, stopping to pinch and fondle a nipple.
Then he trailed his hand slowly down to his cock and
ran his fingers lightly over it before taking the cock
into his hand and pumping it gently.
Ray swallowed heavily and shed the rest of his clothes
with much more haste than he had previously used. He
kissed Benny again, then lay down on top of him,
pressing their naked bodies together.
"Ray," Benny sighed, cupping the back of Ray's head in
his hand and pulling him down for another kiss.
Ray slipped his tongue into Benny's mouth and began
rocking back and forth gently, rubbing his and Benny's
cocks together.
With a small gasp, Ben broke the kiss and buried his
face against Ray's neck, breathing deeply of his
lover's scent. "Ray," he whispered, "my Ray. My
love. Mine."
Ray cried out softly and started moving more urgently.
"Benny," he gasped, "you... you..." Words failed him
completely and with a final helpless cry, he came.
"Ray!" Ben cried, and began bucking his hips upwards.
"Sssh, Benny," Ray whispered raggedly. With one
shaking hand he stroked Benny's side, from his ribs
down to his hips. "It's okay, baby."
He smiled down at Ben as he felt his lover's hot seed
spill over him. Moving off of Ben, Ray lay next to
him. Benny was lying with his eyes closed and he was
shaking.
"Benny," Ray asked, pushing the sweaty hair off of
Ben's forehead, "are you okay?"
Ben opened his eyes and looked at Ray with a smile,
his eyes very blue in his pale face. "I have never
been better, Ray."
Ray pulled Benny over to lay against his chest. "I'm
glad."
They were quiet for a few minutes, then Ben laughed
softly.
"What?" Ray asked.
"We should have done this hours ago."
Ray laughed. "Yeah, that would have shocked your
memory back into place for sure." The two men laughed
together.
"Okay," Ray announced, "new rule."
"What's that, Ray?"
"Anytime one of us gets a head injury, we have sex
immediately."
"Even if we don't have amnesia?"
"Oh, yeah. You can never be too careful."
"That makes good sense."
"I'm glad you agree."
They were silent again, and Ray was nearly asleep when
he heard Benny speak his name. "Yes, Benny?"
"How many sick days do you have coming?"
"I don't know, a bunch. Maybe twenty five or so.
Why?"
"I have an abundance of sick days as well. I think
that we should each use one and stay home tomorrow."
"You do?" Ray's surprise woke him up a bit more.
"Mmm hmm."
"Exactly how hard did you hit your head today, Benny?"
Ben laughed softly. "I just think we should spend
some time..." Ben's words were swallowed up by a
large yawn.
"All right, Benny, we'll do it," Ray said. "I'll tell
you what, you don't need to wake up at all. I'll set
the alarm clock, and I'll call the station house and
the Consulate both."
"Thank you kindly, Ray," Ben mumbled sleepily, and Ray
smiled. His Benny was definitely back.
THE END