notes/disclaimers

Lessons Learned
by Shannon McKinnon




He was running for the train platform. He had to get there. Now. Benny had gone after Victoria, alone and unarmed. Ray wouldn’t put it past that psycho bitch to kill Benny.

As he emerged onto the platform, he saw a train pulling out of the station, with Victoria aboard. Part of him filled with rage. She was getting away! No way in Hell would he let her escape after what she had done. She needed to be punished for what she had done to him; and more importantly for what she had done to Benny.

But another part of him felt relief. ‘Good, go. Get out of our lives. Go and don’t ever come back. Good riddance.’

Then, to his horror, Ray noticed that Benny was running after the train. He was running after the train, and it certainly didn’t look like he was trying to stop Victoria. He was... he couldn’t be... but he was. He was going to go with her!

Ray wanted to scream in pain. He wanted to cry. He watched Benny running after the train, and away from everything else in his life- away from him- and he couldn’t believe it. He wanted to call out to Benny, to try to make him see. ‘She doesn’t love you, Benny. She isn’t capable of the kind of love you deserve. She could never love you like I want to.’

He said nothing, however, he just kept running. He knew that Victoria didn’t love Benny. She hated him for what he had done; she wanted to destroy him. If Benny left with her, she would be successful in that mission. He couldn’t let Benny go with her.

Victoria reached her hand out towards Benny, and Ray saw a gun. His heart nearly stopped. She wanted to destroy Benny... No! She wasn’t going to do it. She wasn’t going to win. Benny might hate him for the rest of his life, but at least he would be alive to hate him. Ray pulled his gun, took careful aim, and pulled the trigger.

What happened next seemed to happen in slow motion, like a bad movie. Just as he pulled the trigger, Fraser leapt onto the train. There was one moment of frozen motion, then Ray watched in helpless horror as Fraser fell to the platform and lay there unmoving.

No. No. Oh, God, no...


Benny jerked awake at the sound of a loud cry. Ray was sitting up in the bed next to him, breathing heavily. Ben turned on the light and sat up. “Ray?”

Ray didn’t answer, he squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. Benny noticed that he was shaking and sweating, and he touched him lightly on the shoulder. “Ray, it’s okay. It was just a nightmare.”

Ray looked over at him, and Benny saw the look of pain and guilt in his eyes; and his heart sank. He knew exactly what nightmare Ray had just had. He still had it occasionally, even after so much time had passed.

Ben felt his own wave of pain and guilt. He had forgiven Victoria for what she had done to him, but he would never be able to forgive her for what she had done to Ray. For that matter, he would never be able to forgive himself for what he had done to Ray.

He took Ray into his arms and lay back down, cradling Ray against his chest. He stroked Ray’s arm and his back until his trembling stopped and he lay still and quiet in his arms.

“Ray,” Benny said quietly, “do you have any idea how much I love you?”

“Benny...”

“Can you even begin to comprehend it? I am so deeply and completely in love with you. My life is all tangled up in yours now. I don’t think I could even begin to separate them, and I don’t want to try.”

“Benny.” Ray pushed himself up onto one elbow so he could look into Ben’s face. Ray looked much calmer than he had after first waking up, but there was still emotion churning in his eyes. “I love you, too. I do. I love you so much.”

“I know that, Ray,” Ben smiled. “I don’t just believe that, I know it. And when you tell me you love me, it means just that. You’re not saying those words to try to make me feel guilty or manipulate me.”

“I would never do that, Benny,” Ray whispered.

“I know that, too,” Ben said. He reached up and stroked Ray’s face. “I learned so much from you, Ray. Before you, I thought I knew what love was; but I was just flattering myself. I didn’t know how to give love, and I certainly didn’t know how to receive it.”

“Oh, Benny, I don’t think that’s true,” Ray protested.

“Yes, it is. I learned so much from you, Ray.”

“Yeah?” Ray looked pleased and skeptical at the same time.

“Yes. I learned that I don’t always have to be the perfect Mountie, the perfect man, that I could relax and be myself. That it was okay to make a mistake once in awhile; and that when I did, it would be understood and accepted and I would be forgiven.

“And I learned that it was safe to open my heart and my life to you. That my love would be accepted, treasured even, and that my love would be returned. I learned that I could be happy in love.”

“Oh, Benny,” Ray whispered. Ray appreciated what Ben was saying, very much, but the emotion in the room was getting very heavy, and he felt a need to lighten things up. “I’ve learned a lot from you too, you know.”

“You have?”

“Mmm hmm. For example, I learned how to speak Canadian.”

“Oh, you did?”

“Sure. Well, not Canadian so much as I learned how to speak Fraser.”

“Indeed.”

“Yes. I learned that ‘I’m terribly sorry, Ray.’ Actually means ‘You’ll have to buy a new suit, or at the very least pay an exorbitant dry cleaning bill to have this one repaired.’”

“Hmm,” Ben said, trying his hardest to look offended and failing utterly.

“And ‘Thank you kindly, Ray.’ Means ‘I’ve manipulated you into doing exactly what I want.’ Which is a bunch of crap, by the way. I always know what you’re doing the entire time you’re doing it.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, that’s so,” Ray said, looking terribly pleased with himself.

“Well,” Benny said, “can you tell me what this means?” He took Ray’s chin into his hand and pulled him into a kiss.

Ray responded to the kiss, meeting Benny’s tongue with his own as it entered his mouth. When the kiss had ended, he smiled at Benny. “That means ‘Ray Vecchio, you are the luckiest man in the world.’”

Ben shook his head sadly. “You see, Ray? I’m afraid that you’re not as fluent in Fraser as you thought. What that actually means is ‘Benton Fraser, you are the luckiest man in the world.’”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive.”

Ray looked at Benny thoughtfully. “There’s only one way to really be sure,” he said, and pulled Benny into another kiss.

THE END