Holiday Joker

Gotham City lay beneath a blanket of snow in mid-December as an upscale department store was about to close for the night. Moments after the hourly staff went home, Santa Claus and his contingent of elves emerged from temporary rooms secreted beneath the merry old elf's display. This jolly man was, however, no saint.

"Ho. Ho. Ho. Merry Christmas and a lovely night it has been for shoppers in Gotham City. Ho. Ho. Ho. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!" Santa said. As he went on, his jolly, theatrical Santa laugh switched to his normal maniacal cackle.

His laugh subsided to a chuckle as he tore the hat from his head to reveal his naturally green hair. The fluffy white beard and mustache came away from his white face to reveal a bright red smile seemingly painted in place. His gloved hands unbuckled the belt allowing him to shrug away the red Santa suit and reveal a green shirt, black string tie and purple vest. He stepped from his red trousers exposing the purple pair underneath.

As the man took off his Santa suit, the tall, thin woman with him tossed aside her jolly headpiece and slid out of the festive matching coveralls. "Elvina, would you kindly fetch my coat, " the strangely attired man asked her.

"Of course, Joker," she said and moved off with his Santa suit. She reappeared a moment later with an outfit highlighting her proportional perfection. A pair of form fitting, forest green slacks sheathed her legs and hips while a matching vest and a bright red blouse encased her upper body. She held up purple coat matching Joker's pants for him to put on. The six men with them had changed into slacks, pull over vests and Christmas colored turtleneck sweaters.

"There," Joker said happily tugging at his lapels, "Now we're ready for our little spree. While Elvina and I are shopping, Nicholas; Rudolph; Ebenezer; Bob Cratchet; Chris Kringle; and Tiny Tim will neutralize security, subdue the remaining staff and make off with tonight's receipts." Joker concluded his instructions with a dismissive gesture and a raucous laugh.

"Now, my dear, what would you like for Christmas? Just whisper it in my ear." Elvina cupped her hand and whispered something. Joker burst out laughing. A moment later she joined him with a giggle. "Jewels you say? Splendid. Come along and we'll get them. Then, I'll ask again and move along to fulfill your wishes. Our spree has begun." Then he offered his arm and together they practically pranced off to loot the store at their larcenous leisure, laughing all the while.

Hours later, Harry Upps' famous morning show's live remote from the store focused more on the previous night's crime than the intended topic of Gotham City's holiday generosity. Nevertheless, Barbara Gordon, fresh from Batgirl's trip to Hollywood, was still in attendance to promote the Gotham City Library Charities.

"Thank you for your time, Ms. Gordon. Gotham City's libraries are doing marvelous work," Harry Upps said concluding the interview. "And we'll be back with store manager Penny Sears who will comment on last night's audacious events."

Barbara stepped aside to let the manager sit down and moved to join her father, Commissioner James Gordon, as he waited with the television crew. "I'm glad you could squeeze me in despite the breaking story," Barbara told the producer.

"Thank you for coming, Ma'am. Commissioner, would you be able to spare a moment to reassure the viewers as long as you are here? Maybe you could update us on the investigation," he said.

"I'd be happy to appear on camera, but I cannot answer questions about an ongoing investigation."

"Daddy," Barbara said, "I'm sure you can reassure the public by reminding them Batman, Robin, Batgirl, Batwoman or Flamebird are likely to have seen Mr. Upps' broadcast and are likely on the job already."

"You're right, Barbara," Commissioner Gordon said.

"Good thinking, Ma'am," the producer said. "Okay, Commissioner, we'll put you on in the segment after the manager. Is that all right?" Gordon nodded. "Good. Ms. Gordon, do you think there is any chance of getting an interview with Batman?" He looked around and realized Barbara had slipped away. "Where did she go?"

One of the crew interrupted. "We're on in five. Four. Three. Two." He moved his arm in a downward motion and Harry Upps began the interview.

Meanwhile, Barbara Gordon hurried to the secret freight elevator, which gave access to her nearby, midtown apartment with its spinning wall where she made her tantalizing transformation into Batgirl. Moments later, she was speeding back to the store on her Batgirl cycle.

"Thank you, Commissioner, the police do marvelous work," Harry Upps concluded. "And that's all for today, folks. We'll be back tomorrow with satellite appearances by Katherine Kane, head of Networld, and Bruce Wayne of the Wayne Foundation as their companies continue their goodwill holiday tours. Thank you and enjoy your day."

Batgirl trotted toward the television crew and caught the Commissioner's eye after he noticed all the workers had been distracted. The crew paused as she began to speak to him and were hurried back to work by the angry producer, who had ended the show before the potential career making exclusive interview had arrived.

"The crooks cleaned out the jewelry department, hauled away most of the women's clothing department and stole items from every department in the store except furniture," the Commissioner was telling Batgirl as they moved away from the busy television crew.

"Have your people found anything that may indicate who did it?"

"The jewelry suggests Marsha Queen of Diamonds. Catwoman has shown an interest in fashion in the past, but she's still safely in prison. I'm just guessing at this point."

"Sir, we've found something," Chief O'Hara said rushing up to his boss. "Hello, Batgirl."

"What is it, Chief?"

"A cassette tape." They gathered around a player the store provided to listen. "I'll turn it on."

After a moment, Joker's maniacal cackle burst from the speaker. "Merry Christmas, Gotham City," Joker's voice said before another lengthy laugh. "As you are now no doubt aware, my merry elves and I have begun a little holiday spree." Another laugh interrupted the speech. "I fully expect Batman, Robin, and their Bat-harem to begin chasing us down." He laughed again. "Well, friends, because the Jolly Jester is in a holiday mood, I'm going to give you a sneak peek at my plans." A long laugh followed. "I'll be giving gifts to various Gothamites this year. I want to begin by sharing a little something with all the good people." He interrupted himself again with yet another laugh. "Now, just in case your puny minds are moving at a canter instead of a gallop, I'll say I expect tonight to be a star-studded affair. See you then. Bye Bye." The tape ended with more laughter.

"What did that all mean?" Chief O'Hara asked.

"It means Joker is back and for some reason he's helping us out," Commissioner Gordon said.

"There's always a kicker in help from The Joker. I have a feeling there is more to this message then may be immediately apparent," Batgirl said thoughtfully.

"He said he expects tonight to be a star-studded affair," Chief O'Hara repeated. "So whatever he's planning, it's for tonight."

"Right, Chief," the Commissioner said. "I'm sure there are several celebrity events this evening."

"I'll have to cover them all with men. There's no telling which celebrity Joker will target."

"I don't think he'll be targeting any of them tonight, Chief," Batgirl said. "At least not as an individual. He said he's going to share his first gift with all the good people."

"I shudder to consider the implications of a Christmas gift from the Joker," Commissioner Gordon said.

"That's it, Commissioner!" Batgirl said. "Tonight's event has something to do with the holiday. Only good people get gifts from Santa Claus and his elves. He's referring to his help this time as elves. "

"Well, almost all of tonight's events are holiday related," Chief O'Hara said. "What good is Joker's sneak peek at his plans?"

"You may have hit on a clue, Chief," Batgirl said.

"I did?"

"Joker is never generous. He chooses his words carefully in communications like this. He said he's giving us a sneak peek at his plans."

"So?"

"A sneak peek could also be called a preview."

"And tonight the city is giving the public a preview of the floats in this year's annual Christmas parade through Chimes Square at Gotham Square Gardens!" Commissioner Gordon said.

"The nerve of that white-faced devil!" Chief O'Hara said. "Police will be all over Gotham Square Gardens."

"There's more. Joker also told us which float he's going to target."

"How?"

"With that low insult about our minds moving at a canter instead of a gallop," Batgirl said.

The three of them all said, "The Police Benevolent Society's horse drawn sleigh!" simultaneously.

"We'll have to blanket that event with an increased police presence," Commissioner Gordon decided.

"I'll see to it, sir." O'Hara said.

"Just a moment," Batgirl said. "There will be police at the preview anyway. Just ask them to be on the alert for trouble. Your men still have the rest of the city to cover in case we're wrong. I'll be there tonight to deal with Joker."

"Whatever you say, Batgirl," the Commissioner said as she nodded and took her leave. "She's a treasure, Chief."

"Sure and she is, Commissioner."

"Gotham City just wouldn't be the same without her. What an incredible young woman!"

"Incredible is the word, sir." O'Hara agreed. They looked at each other.

That night, at Gotham Square Gardens, Batgirl watched from the ceiling as parade participants displayed their floats for the public. The show did not deviate from the program at all and she was beginning to think she had misinterpreted Joker's clues when all of the floats appeared together for the finale.

Suddenly, she spotted something that caused her to prepare her Batrope. Now, there were more escorts for the Police Benefit Society's float than there had been earlier!

She had begun to rappel before the crowd became aware something was amiss. The covered portion of the Police Benevolent Society's horse-drawn sleigh had begun to expand. The float's escorts pulled the cover back to reveal a large, still-growing, purple cube. Thick red ribbons draped the cube and an enormous bow crowned it. One of the float's escorts took up a microphone as Batgirl reached the ground. Then, Joker's maniacal cackle was broadcast over the convention center's public address system.

"Good people of Gotham City," Joker said. "As you can all see the jolly Joker has learned it is better to give than to receive." He paused to laugh. "In accordance with this revelation, I am preparing a gift for all of you. Watch carefully. For in a moment, the ribbons will restrain my inflating present and cause it to explode." Joker laughed again. "Then, you will all find yourselves enjoying my generous gift of sleep. Before you drift off, I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the very bottom of my heart! Sweet dreams." Joker's announcement ended as it began, with a cacophony of laughter and he set his microphone aside.

"I don't think so, Joker," Batgirl shouted, settling her hands on hips and spreading her legs to shoulder width.

"Hey, look! It's Batgirl!" the largest of Joker's men said.

"Batgirl!" the crowd said and cheered.

"Batgirl," Joker repeated. "Stay sharp men. I expect more bats to be swooping in momentarily."

None of them could know Bruce Wayne and Kathy Kane were traveling on their respective company's goodwill tours, making Batman and Batwoman unavailable. Nor could they know Dick Grayson and Betty Kane were deeply involved in final exams at Gotham State University and Woodrow Roosevelt High School respectively, keeping Robin and Flamebird out of action.

Joker and Batgirl stared at one another until the purple package exploded, releasing the tension as well as a green cloud of what Batgirl guessed was sleeping gas. She reached for the breathing apparatus she carried in her utility belt and noted Joker and his men had shrugged out of the police-issue coats they wore and donned similar equipment.

"Where are the rest of them?" Joker demanded of no one in particular. He glanced at his watch and realized he needed to get his plans moving. He shrugged. "All right, men. Batman and the others are a little tardy, but never mind. We'll go ahead without him. Get her!" As he laughed he backed out of the battle zone.

A large thug called Tim, whom his associates had nicknamed Tiny, was leading the group as Batgirl settled into a fighting stance. Tiny Tim tried to flatten her with a single punch, but felt his fist whip past her chin. Batgirl responded with a scientifically applied combination of fists, knees, elbows and feet that left him lying on the ground, gasping in explosive pain.

Bob Cratchet and Chris Kringle rushed forward, slamming Batgirl bodily to the side of the float, to allow Nicholas and Ebenezer to go to work on her. As she recovered, her would-be torturers advanced. She drew her knees up to her chest and shot her feet outward to collide violently with the center of each man's chest. While they sprawled, the men holding her prepared to make her pay for the move. In response, she drew her hands forward, pressing them together while raising her arms. She paused to inhale with hands folded before her face before dropping her arms down and sharply outward. Her battle-honed elbows rammed the men at her sides, doubling them both over. She pivoted and raised a knee decisively into Bob Cratchet's face. She spun and slammed her other foot into the side of Chris Kringle's head.

Rudolph stunned her for a moment with a shivering blow to the back of the head. She shook her head to clear it and moved to the side, feeling the man swing past her and collide with the float. She watched Chris Kringle begin to rise and bent to grip his shoulders and yank him upward. Off-balance, he was easily steered into position above Bob Cratchet and shoved violently downward, causing his head to crack into the other man's. Batgirl did not see them collapse. She had stepped away from the float and was preparing to put Rudolph out of the fight for good. She took a step and leaped into the air. As the man turned back to the fight, she kicked him straight-legged in the chin. He fell heavily back into the float and slid slowly to the ground.

Only Nicholas and Ebenezer remained in the fight and they had separated to take her more warily. She crouched rotating between them, keeping both men in site as they circled her, watching for an opening. She knew she would become dizzy and fall to them if she allowed the stalemate to last too long.

The Joker, though, was feeling impatient, having seen his overwhelming advantage dramatically diminished in a matter of seconds. He rushed into the fray, laughing all the while and saw the hazy image of his quarry blur before him like a mirage. Then his feet were cut from beneath his body and the floor came into violent contact with his face. He rolled over in time to see Ebenezer fall to one of Batgirl's famous ballet kicks. Seconds later, Joker's rival was spinning overhead and subduing Nicholas with an efficient combination of blows. Joker began to regain his feet and suddenly saw the Whirling Wonder standing before him and felt her shove him back to the ground. The fight was over.

"Merry Christmas, Joker. As a duly deputized officer of the law, I hereby place you under arrest," she said, letting her hands settle comfortably on her hips.

"What? Just like that?" Joker asked.

Batgirl took a pair of Batcuffs from her belt and reached to help him up. "More or less."

Joker laughed and said, "I have to congratulate you on your stunning victory over my men. It was incredible watching you work." He was still chuckling as he reached a hand up to grasp her offered hand.

Batgirl surprised him by snapping her Batcuff on the villain's wrist without gripping his hand. She helped him to his feet with the chain of her batcuffs. "Nice try, Joker. You won't get me with your famous hand buzzer. Now, let's have your other hand. It's time to get you back to jail."

Joker had stopped laughing. "Well done, Batgirl. But, before your turn me in, you might want to turn around and see who's sneaking up behind you."

"That isn't even funny, Joker," Batgirl said shaking her head. "Won't you ever learn crime doesn't pay?"

"But, Batgirl, I'm deadly serious. Before I finish speaking, my new aide, Elvina, will remove the mask from your mouth, exposing you to the lingering traces of my sleeping gas and find the keys to these Batcuffs in your miraculous utility belt."

"You poor deluded creature --"

"Merry Christmas, Batgirl," Elvina said giggling and winding arms around our heroine. Batgirl began to struggle as she felt the breathing filter pulled from her mouth and Joker began to laugh again.

Seconds later, Elvina released her captive and stepped back with upraised arms. Batgirl fell unconscious unceremoniously at her feet. Elvina displayed the keys to Joker's Batcuffs and unlocked them before tossing Batgirl's gear aside. Joker hugged his henchwoman gratefully. "How did I do?" she whispered into his ear.

Joker gave her a last crushing squeeze and released her. "You were exquisite!" He laughed and turned to survey his recovering forces. "Who would have guessed I'd have left one of my helpers in reserve to turn off the gas once it did its work? Now, we have to hurry. In less than half an hour, this place will be crawling with more cops than any of us can count. That gives us no more than twenty minutes to gather goodies from the sleeping citizenry and clear out of here. Any questions?"

"What about her?" Elvina asked, indicating Gotham's slumbering sentinel.

"Forget her for now. We don't have time to package her. Anyway, what I have in mind for her will work just as well when she catches up with us."

"How will she do that, Joker?"

"I don't know. She will though. You'll see." He laughed maniacally for a moment and concluded, "Now, come on. Let's go get their loot." Joker and his merry minions hurried to their tasks and had escaped by the time more police and the paramedics arrived.

"Batgirl, are you all right?" Her father leaned over her with a concerned look on his face. Barbara moaned weakly and tried to open her eyes, instinctively shielding them from a bright light.

"Chief, move the light," the Commissioner ordered. The light moved quickly to illuminate her face indirectly.

"Dad," Barbara said slowly in a raspy breath that hissed from her lips.

"Chief, Commissioner," a policeman said rushing toward them.

"Batgirl," Commissioner Gordon said leaning closer. "I didn't hear you. Did you say something?"

Barbara wondered why her father was not using her name. She heard pounding footsteps and the light she had shielded her eyes from swung in a different direction. 'What had happened? Where am I?'

"Joker got away, sir," Chief O'Hara said to his boss. The rest of what he said was lost to Barbara.

Suddenly memory flooded back to her. She clearly remembered the fight, trying to arrest Joker, being subdued by Elvina and gassed. She took in a breath and felt strength return in what seemed like a rush. She rose to her knees before hands assisted her to her feet. Slowly, the unintelligible murmur of voices around her coalesced and each voice began to belong to its owner.

But, something was still wrong. She had not heard her name once. She shook her head and took stock of her situation. In a flash, she realized how close she had come to giving herself away. She was Batgirl, Dark Angel of Gotham City. Joker's henchwoman had unexpectedly subdued her. Someone was speaking to her.

"Batgirl, are you all right?" her father asked. No. It was Commissioner Gordon speaking. Yes. She remembered everything.

She exhaled. "I'm fine, Commissioner."

The eager officer returned. "There are no witnesses to the crime, sir. Everyone was put to sleep with the gas. Most of the crowd is reporting belongings missing and probably stolen."

"Thank you, Officer," Chief O'Hara said letting him return to his duties. "I hope the gas has no lasting effect on Joker's victims, especially you, Batgirl."

"Judging from the effects, I'd say Joker used simple, ordinary sleeping gas," Batgirl said. "Nothing to worry about, I assure you. The remainder of the canister will no doubt still be under the float."

A cry from the float demonstrated Batgirl was correct. She followed Chief O'Hara and the Commissioner to the float, where they examined the remains of Joker's exploded package.

"It looks like the ribbon and bow were arranged to shape a balloon into a cube," O'Hara observed.

"Devilishly clever," Commissioner Gordon said.

"What is that?" Batgirl asked, pointing to a tattered fragment of the balloon, which had fallen in such a way as to expose the interior.

"There's some writing on the inside of the balloon," O' Hara said, stating what was now obvious and pointing his flashlight at it.

"Could it be a clue?" the Commissioner asked.

"Maybe a message from Joker," O'Hara said.

Batgirl bent toward it. "It looks like manufacturer information," she reported.

Another triumphant cry heralded another clue as an officer pulled a police-issue coat from beneath another float. A quick search of the pockets turned up a coil of strong red and green ribbons. As if on cue, Chief O'Hara received a report seven policemen had been discovered bound hand and foot with red and green ribbons.

"It seems they went to the aid of a woman who was being attacked by a gang of men. When they moved in to arrest her assailants, they were attacked," Chief O'Hara related.

"A staged scene obviously intended to allow Joker and his gang to infiltrate this event," Batgirl murmured.

"Diabolical," Commissioner Gordon said.

"Commissioner, Chief O'Hara," Batgirl said. "I fear there is little more I can do to help you here. If I can borrow those ribbons we recovered and a large sample of the writing from the inside of Joker's balloon, I may be able to come up with a clue to help us find him."

"Of course, Batgirl," the Commissioner said, as Chief O'Hara nodded vigorously.

"Thank you. I'll keep you apprised of my findings." Batgirl promised and left.

Elsewhere, far from Gotham City, Doctor Syun-Ichi Akasofu was lost in thought as he examined the readings on his instruments. He was the only person in the facility at this hour, as he engaged in his passion: the study of auroral phenomena.

Suddenly there was a loud knock at the door. ‘Who could that be?' Dr. Akasofu wondered to himself. Perturbed at being interrupted, he stomped over to the door. "Who is it?" he demanded.

"Dr. Akasofu?" a gravelly voice behind the door inquired. "I must see you. It's very important!"

"Oh, very well," relented the Doctor, as he unbolted the door. It was very unusual for him to get visitors. He was eager to send this person away and return to his studies.

As soon as the door was open a crack, it was thrust open, practically knocking the scientist to the floor. Three men burst into the room. Two were rather non-descript, indistinguishable in their heavy parkas, but one was dressed in an unmistakable costume. He was the famous criminal mastermind - The Penguin!

"What is the meaning of this?" the Professor of geophysics blustered.

"I have a very practical experiment I want you to conduct for me, Doctor," Penguin announced, with a wave of his cigarette holder.

"And what makes you think I'd do anything for you?" the founder of the discipline of magentospheric substorms bravely replied.

"Quack! Just this." Penguin blew into a duck call. In response, a young woman, also dressed in a winter coat, walked unsteadily into the building, followed by a third henchman. The girl was wearing goggles and tread uncertainly, as if she couldn't see where she was going.

"Jenny!" shouted Dr. Akasofu as he recognized his granddaughter. "You fiend! What have you done to her?"

"Very little, so far, Doctor," Penguin coolly answered, as he puffed away. "Those goggles are of a very special design. They let in absolutely no light at all."

The scientist payed little attention to Penguin's response as he rushed to the girl's side. "Jenny, are you all right?" he asked tenderly.

"Yes, grandfather," she said without emotion. Except for her coat and boots, she was still clad only in her speedo. The Penguin had hoped to humiliate the teen and crush her spirit, but, so far, his evil plan had been thwarted. Although visibly shaken, Jenny remained resolutely defiant.

"Let me get those thing off of you," Dr. Akasofu said, reaching for the eyewear around his granddaughter's face.

Instinctively, she pulled back and yelled, "No!"

"You see, Doctor," Penguin explained, squinting through his monocle as he looked at the goggle strap, "if anyone, besides me, tries to remove those goggles, the plastic explosive of which this band is made will explode . . . with rather unfortunate results for her and her rescuer, as you might imagine."

"What?" Dr. Akasofu cried, horrified.

"On the other hand," Penguin continued, "have you ever heard of ‘cave blindness?' Sources disagree on the exact length of time necessary, but if a person is left in total darkness long enough, one will go permanently blind. The retinas are constantly search for light. Eventually, if they don't find any, they will burn out.

"Even in sleep some light penetrates the eyelids. Unless you help me and I adjust these goggles to admit a few photons, very soon your granddaughter will suffer permanent eye damage . . . to be followed by the complete and irrevocable loss of her sight!"

The Penguin put an arm around the scientist. Dr. Akasofu stiffened, but said nothing.

"Come now, Doctor," Penguin resumed with false cordiality. "Let me explain what I have in mind. I'm sure you'll find it fascinating."

Later, in her apartment, Barbara Gordon was running a number of computerized search programs she hoped would point to Joker's hideout. "You see, Charlie," she explained to her bird, "the ribbon packaging and the balloon interior had manufacturer information on them. Most arch criminals in Gotham City tend to hide out in abandoned warehouses or factories, particularly Joker. So I need to find out where these clues were made. If either was manufactured locally, or there is any connection between them other than being handled by Joker, I may find his current hideout. The programs will do the work for me. I just wish it didn't take so long."

She glanced at the monitor and noticed one of the searches had finished. She checked and found the factory where the balloon material had been made. As she mapped out its location, she noticed the search on the ribbon manufacturer ended. The location of the ribbon manufacturer was the same as the balloon manufacturer!

"I've got you, Joker," Barbara said.

She shut down her system, made arrangements to return the clues to the police through a blind messenger service and made her way to the bedroom.

Half an hour later, Batgirl was Batclimbing to the roof of Joker's hideout. There she found the top of a central stairwell, bypassed the lock and slipped into Joker's hideout.

Meanwhile, in another part of the factory, Joker was jubilant. He laughed and addressed his minions. "All right, friends, here's the program. In a little while, we will receive an uninvited guest whom we'll be obliged to entertain. Once our social duties have been discharged, we will all get some time to relax until noon tomorrow. Then we'll deliver the gift I have for prominent insurance investigator Thomas Banacek, who moves in the social circles of financial luminaries like millionaires Howie Horowitz, William Dozier and Bruce Wayne.

"What are you going to give him, Joker?" Tiny Tim asked.

Joker laughed and responded, "Something I guarantee he'll never forget. More on that tomorrow."

"Who are you expecting to show up?" Elvina asked.

"Probably Batgirl. Who can say? There are so many bats flying around Gotham these days." He paused to laugh again. "But, no matter who shows up, we know how to deal with them, don't we?"

Elvina grinned wickedly and began to giggle as their attention was drawn to a sounding alarm. "Hark! Our guest is here even now. Quick, activate my anti-Bat countermeasures!"

"Of course, Joker," Elvina said standing and moving to a number of bell pulls dangling from the ceiling. She pulled on two of them and turned to grin at her boss. "Let's see what we caught, Joker," she said, eyes sparkling and her chest quaking with mirth.

Joker got up and cackled maniacally. "What a splendid idea! I think this is the moment I've been waiting for! Come on, all of you. Hurry!" He offered Elvina his arm and led her and the others from the room.

Earlier, Batgirl had crept through darkened corridors and passed through rooms playing her tiny Batlight over shelves stocked with toys. 'He's storing playing cards, hand buzzers and flower squirt guns. These toys have Joker written all over them.' A door at the end of that passage led to a wood floored room with several pinatas hanging from the ceiling.

Without warning, some of the overhead fixtures burst, releasing a purple rain of sticky streamers. Batgirl found herself caught in the myriad of dangling strands. She began to reach for the blade at her hip and felt her arm become more tightly entwined. She turned and felt the bindings adhere to her more securely. She tried to tug sharply downward and pull a streamer from the ceiling without success. Tugging experimentally in other directions also proved fruitless. The knife was hopelessly out of reach now. She paused in her vain struggles and realized the room was slowly becoming illuminated. Worse yet, a sudden gust of air blew through the dangling tendrils, causing more to touch her. She tried to twist aside and dodge as many as she could, but found her entanglement becoming more complex the entire time.

"This isn't over, Joker!" she shouted defiantly.

Trademark laughter heralded the villain's coming a moment later as he and his gang filed in to examine the plight of their curvy captive. "Perhaps not, Batgirl. But, it soon will be!" he said, his laughter waning to a low chuckle, "at least for you."

"We only got Batgirl, boss," Ebenezer observed.

"That's true," Joker said. "I would think my mere presence in Gotham would bring the bats out of every belfry."

"When I get out of these sticky streamers, I'll give you another object lesson in how much damage this single bat can do!" Batgirl said. "I'm sure your men remember what I did to them in our last encounter."

"Don't get me wrong, Batgirl. I'm flattered by your attention --"

"When I get out of here, you'll be flattened as well!"

"Threats! You are in no position to make threats!" Joker shouted, pointing at his pulchritudinous prisoner.

"Perhaps we should move her along to stage two," Elvina said. "How did it work again? Once the victim is tangled up in the dangling tendrils, she is to be hoisted into the air and left dangling and strangling as the tendrils dry?"

"You're right," Joker responded, glancing at Batgirl to gage the look of horror that crossed her face. Not satisfied, he let out a laugh and continued, "But, the best part is, we have the power to regulate the temperature in this room. If we make it cooler, she lives a little longer. But, if I were to let you turn up the heat . . ."

"It won't work, Joker!" Batgirl said.

Elvina giggled. "Shall I hoist her?" she asked.

"As a matter of fact, no."

"What do you mean, ‘no'?" she demanded, leaning back and looking up at her boss incredulously. "You've got her. She's dead. You can't let such a golden opportunity pass us by."

As Elvina argued, Joker laughed merrily and took her in his arms. "Don't worry, my dear," he said once his laughter had subsided. "I have a much more fiendish fate in mind for her. Boys, wrap her up and deliver her to the workshop." He winked slyly. "I plan to capitalize on each opportunity as it presents itself tonight." Heat crept up Elvina's body as Joker crushed the contours of her fabulous figure.

Joker's men stepped forward and moved among the sticky streamers. Quickly, they became as entangled as Batgirl!

"Having trouble, Joker?" Batgirl chided him.

Joker let go of his girl and let an unrestrained laugh echo through the room. "Good help is so hard to find," he said after inhaling. Then he laughed some more, quaking visibly until he seemed to exhaust himself. "Elvina, I'll need the case we left in the meeting room. Would you fetch it for me?"

"Of course, Joker," his henchwoman said. All eyes followed her as she slinked from the room. It was unclear whether the impish smile illuminating her face was a reflection of the pleasure she was taking in putting on a show or if it lingered from her boss's amorous attention.

"Now, Batgirl, I'll deal with you once and for all. What Elvina doesn't know is: I plan to give your body to the police as a gift once the deed is done!" He paused in his taunting to laugh. "Now, how does that grab you?"

"Whatever you have planned for me, Joker," Batgirl said savagely, shaking her sticky bonds, "I promise you it will be repaid at a massive interest rate."

"Oh, really?"

"You'll have Batman, Robin, Batwoman, Flamebird, and the police after you if I die. They will catch you and see that you are punished. Murder is one thing. Making a mockery of it afterwards by using the body in a cruel joke is something else entirely. Such an act would be unspeakably despicable."

"Oh, it will be, my dear, I assure you. That's precisely why I clued you in." He chuckled without mirth. "While I lead that pathetic pair of Dynamic Duos on a merry chase once you are gone, my criminal contemporaries will be able to pick Gotham City clean without their interference. That's the joke!" he concluded with a wicked chuckle.

"I don't get it. What's in it for you?"

"Two things: I get the notoriety of having done away with you and the rest of Gotham's bats. More importantly, it's funny!"

"You vile villain!"

"You're too kind," Joker replied with a mocking bow.

Moments later, Elvina returned with the case. She knelt before Joker and opened it to extract a spray can she handed to her boss. "Give me your hands, my dear. Now close your eyes." She obeyed and Joker carefully applied the spray to her hands, arms and the rest of her upper body. "Now, see to the boys so they can carry out my orders."

"Of course, Joker."

Batgirl fixed Joker with an unwavering stare, totally devoid of either defiance or fear. As he became aware of it, he began to glance at her periodically, marveling at how her bearing had frosted to an arctic hardness. Each time he felt the weight of her chilly gaze, he was glad he had played the joke on his gang. Elvina was proving to be a delicious distraction he desperately needed.

The spray enabled her to move freely among the tendrils. One by one, his men came free as she carefully sprayed them and unwound the sticky strands. As she worked, her form-fitting outfit tightened, flattened and bunched against her body as she bent, stretched, shifted, twisted and turned, displaying her various assets to good advantage.

When Elvina finished, she stepped back to her boss's side and watched gleefully as the men sliced through the streamers binding Batgirl with blades from Joker's case. The dangling strands and loose cuttings were cruelly wound into Batgirl's bindings before the helpless heroine was brought out of the sticky streamers and left standing to one side.

"Well done, my merry minions," Joker complimented them. "Now, huddle up and I'll go over the demise I've devised for Batgirl." He chuckled and spread his arms as the gang gathered to listen to his orders. Once he finished, Joker put hands on his hips, spread his legs to shoulder width, turned to watch Batgirl glare at him and said, "We'd best get on with it. Go, Elvina!"

Joker's healthy henchwoman took a tiny vial from the case on the floor and sashayed to the prisoner. She shook the vial and shattered it under Batgirl's nose, holding it there until the heroine crumpled to the floor, unconscious. "Gentlemen, she's all yours," she announced, giggling and playfully tossing the shattered vial aside. Joker's six goons picked up the captive.

"Remember, boys. I want nothing but her boots, gloves, belt and cape removed. What remains is tight enough to convey any sensation you wish her to respond to." Joker paused for a knowingly wicked chuckle. "We'll join you after while."

Elvina stopped him laughing after them by placing her hands gently on his shoulder. "And then there were two," she said simply.

"Indeed. Shall we go?" He put an arm around her and led her to the executive hallway with its full-length mirrors and sumptuous carpeting.

"It's so luxurious," she observed. "Why don't we spend more time here, Joker?"

"Oh. I'd like that, but I wanted this to be our special place, my dear."

Her eyes sparkled as she looked at him. Suddenly she caught her reflection in the mirror. "Oh, no. That spray ruined my vest." She stood with hands on her shapely hips, looking at her reflection in a vexed manner while her foot tapped petulantly.

"Don't worry. I can get you hundreds of vests just like it if you'd like -- thousands even." As Joker spoke he shed his coat and vest. Then he stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her sides, beginning to manipulate the buttons of her ruined vest.

Once he had pulled it from her body, she leaned back against him and smiled. "Do you know what I'd like you to do, Joker?"

"What?" She turned around and leaned against him, bending her head to rest it on his shoulder and whisper in his ear. As she whispered, one hand undid the tie at his throat and slowly pulled it away. "I was afraid you'd never ask," Joker murmured.

Later, Joker swept into his workshop laughing hysterically with Elvina giggling and following close behind. Both were fastidiously dressed and seemed to have a glow about them. Joker did not look at all unusual, but his comely concubine had changed. She had brushed her hair over one shoulder and changed into a pair of bright red slacks set off by a white blouse. A green vest identical to the one she had worn before stretched tightly over her ample chest. They surveyed the scene before them with wicked glee.

Batgirl had been freed from the sinister streamers to be stripped of her boots, gloves, cape and utility belt. These had been tossed carelessly onto a nearby workbench. Her wrists had been bound over her head and suspended from a ring fastened near the front of the hinged top of an oblong, multicolored crate, which stood on end. Her ankles had been bound together and lashed to an eyebolt Joker's men had drilled into the floor. Whatever perils waited within the colorful crate, however, were not her immediate concern.

Joker's men surrounded her. They had been slowly running their hands over every inch of her marvelous musculature. She did not look at all happy.

"Well, boys, I trust you've been enjoying yourselves!" Joker said.

"You're the best, Joker," Mr. Cratchet said.

"You're too kind," his boss replied modestly and laughed. "I'm sorry to report all good things must come to an end. The time has come to hasten the end of Batgirl's crime fighting career!" As he spoke, he waved his minions aside and inspected their work.

"When I get out of this, Joker," Batgirl said quietly, "I am going to make all of you pay dearly."

Joker laughed. "She's still very feisty, boys. I think she's been enjoying herself!"

"Right now, Joker, there is nothing I would enjoy more than slowly taking you and your gang apart."

"Funny you should say that," he remarked, stepping back and motioning for her to follow mockingly. In response, she threw herself savagely at him, but was restrained by her bonds. He laughed gleefully, but stopped suddenly.

"Batgirl, those ropes will chafe your skin. They'll rub it raw. That will never do." Joker seemed genuinely dismayed.

"What are you talking about?"

"Watch." Joker began to make hand motions indicating he was pulling something invisible from his closed fist. Both Batgirl and his minions stared as a bright colored scarf began to emerge. He kept pulling until the other end came free.

"Is that silk, Joker?" Elvina asked wide-eyed.

"Yes it is, my dear." He handed her the scarf and watched her run it through her hands and over her cheeks. "Here." The second scarf he produced was forest green and matched her vest. He took the scarf he had given her to examine back. "Put this on." As she wound the gift around her throat, he pulled out a third scarf identical to the first.

"What are they for, Joker?"

"To tie up Batgirl."

"She looks pretty well tied up to me already."

"But I don't want her to chafe her limbs on those nasty ropes. The silk won't leave marks."

"Is she worth the expense?"

"Not to worry. With what we stand to make before we've finished, this little extravagance will be utterly meaningless." He began to laugh reassuringly and smiled as Elvina stroked the scarf at her throat lovingly.

"Your concern for my comfort is underwhelming, Joker," Batgirl said.

"You know why I'm worried, Batgirl." Instead of responding, she stared at him steadily as all of the warmth drained from her eyes, once again leaving them with an icy steel quality. As she watched, Joker opened his mouth without speaking. Batgirl smiled coldly as she saw fear flicker behind his eyes. He covered the slip with a laugh. "Men, rebind the captive with these," Joker ordered, indicating his silk scarves.

Batgirl squirmed fiercely as Bob Cratchet and Chris Kringle gripped her legs and undid the ropes. She scored a few glancing kicks, but Tiny Tim and Ebenezer waded in to restrain her hips and shoulders, respectively. When Nicholas and Rudolph released her arms, she twisted her wrists and shot her fists out to land a few piston-like punches, but her bound feet gave her no leverage at all. She quickly found herself secured once again.

"There. Isn't that better?" Joker asked with mock sympathy.

"It will take more than parlor magic tricks to kill me, Joker." Batgirl said.

"Oh, don't worry your pretty head about that, Batgirl. I'm relying on a good deal more." He paused as though just realizing something. "I haven't told you what is in the crate." He paused laughing while his audience looked at him expectantly. "It contains an adamantium spring, compressed to enable maximum expansion upon release. Release will be achieved by opening the top. I'm sure you noticed it is hinged at the rear."

"Like a joke-in-the-box?" Elvina asked.

"A very appropriate Freudian slip, Elvina. For when the box top pops, I expect every hinge joint in Batgirl's body to do the same! Moments later, as flesh; muscle; ligaments; and tendons are torn asunder, the ball and socket joints at her hips and shoulders will separate as well!" He threw his head back and let a cacophonic crescendo of laughter echo through the workshop.

"Joker," Elvina said. "Shouldn't we stretch her body more tightly? She can bend her limbs and squirm around."

"Not really, my dear," Joker explained. "The squirming was to entertain the men until we came and the joints being loose was part of the idea all along. You see, if her joints are locked for the sudden release of kinetic energy when the spring releases, the effect on her body would be diminished. The trap would be less efficient and she would suffer needlessly."

"Mercy, Joker?' Batgirl asked.

"Not really," he assured her. "It's a question of degrees. I promise you this arrangement should prove quite excruciating." He paused to laugh gesturing toward her. "I'd love to consult you afterward. But . . ."

"You fiend!" Batgirl said.

Joker bowed and stepped to the box, sliding a panel aside to reveal a digital counter and a lever. "Elvina, would you please wheel the mirror over and position it so Batgirl can enjoy my demonstration with the rest of you?"

"Of course, Joker," she said and moved off to obey.

Once she had, he went on, "When I pull the lever, this display will begin at 3600 and count down to zero." As he spoke he indicated the hardware. "At that point, the spring will release, stretching you to the breaking point and beyond!" Joker stopped to yuck it up a bit before finishing. "Then my posthumous plans for you can proceed."

"You'll never get away with this, Joker!" Batgirl said. "Every crime fighter in Gotham City will be after you if this works!"

"Regardless, it will be too bad for you," he shot back and pulled the lever. "Goodbye, Batgirl!"

Joker took Elvina by the arm and led his gang from the workshop. Once they were gone, Batgirl fixed her gaze on the countdown in the mirror as it began ticking down. She threw herself outward trying to muscle her way out of her bonds. But, they held and she slumped against the crate behind her.

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