Excerpts from the script for
by Stanford Sherman
"Nora Clavicle and the Ladies' Crime Club"
Final November 9, 1967
Some pages are marked "Revised - 11/10/67." I will indicate those pages. I have indicated where the script differs from what was broadcast by a * by the speaker's name. I have included my comments in italics. The numbers refer to scene numbers. Bold type is used where in the script the words are underlined.
[on Page 17 of the script]
BAT SPIN TO:
62 INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY
A sign on wall reads: DROPSTITCH & CO., FINE KNITTING NEEDLES.
As broadcast, the name appeared on the side of boxes.
*NARRATOR - "AND, SHORTLY, THE WAREHOUSE OF DROP-STITCH AND COMPANY, MANUFACTURERS OF FINE KNITTING NEEDLES..."
[Page 18 of the script]
Beneath this, Trio ENTER surreptitiously.
*NARRATOR - "...HAS VISITORS! THOUGH NOT EXACTLY..."
63 ANGLE TO INCLUDE NORA, EVELINA AND ANGELINA
MATERIALIZING behind Trio. Nora holds a long and wicked-looking OVERSIZED KNITTING NEEDLE.
*NARRATOR - "...UNEXPECTED VISITORS!"
During this, Nora steps IN BEHIND Batgirl and positions point of needle at her throat.
*NORA - "Don't move, Batgirl!" (as Trio freeze)
"Nor you either, Dynamic Duo."
ROBIN - "Holy knit one, purl two!"
NORA - "Exactly, Boy Wonder. This needle is razor sharp, and can puncture her jugular vein in an instant. (to include stoogettes)
All right, girls! Let's tie the Terrific Trio into Terrific Siamese Human knots!"
Here the script indicates that scenes 64 - 68 are OUT. Would these have been scenes of the process of Batman, Batgirl and Robin being tied into the Siamese Human Knot? If so, I would guess that they never were shot (What a pity!)
BAT SPIN TO:
[Page 19X of the script, Revised 11/10/67]
69 INT. WAREHOUSE - ANGLE ON NORA AND STOOGETTES - DAY
looking at o.s. (offscreen) Trio, exultantly.
This entire scene, if shot, was cut!
NORA - "Nice work, girls! A really Terrific Siamese Human Knot!"
70 ANGLE ON KNOTTED TRIO
knotted together (without ropes) in a maze of intertwined arms, legs, heads and torsos. They are absolutely motionless.
That is the complete description of the Siamese Human Knot in the script! From this and Yvonne Craig's comments, we can conclude that the actors, with perhaps some input from the Director, Oscar Rudolph, and the stage crew, came up with the positioning in the knot. I "strongly suspect" that Batman's left arm was moved and the position of Batman's right leg and Batgirl's legs was changed for the scenes after the end of Part One so that the viewing audience would have a better look at Batgirl's . . . ahem . . . "upper chest area!"
WIDEN TO INCLUDE Nora and girls.
*NORA - "You're wise to stay motionless, or you'll be the Terminated Trio. The slightest move by any one of you will only draw the human knot tighter. Crush you bones. Strangle you.
Crush YOU bones? This must be a typo!
71 CLOSER ON KNOTTED TRIO
FAVORING Batman and Robin
ROBIN - "Holy hamstrings!"
BATMAN - "Exactly, Robin. This is torture, at its most bizarre and terrible..."
END OF PART ONE
[Page 20X of the script, Revised 11/10/67]
72 INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY
WITH SCENE almost as when we left it. Trio knotted together, as Nora and Evelina gloat. Angelina is gone.
*BATMAN - (from knot) "I can understand your desire to checkmate us, Miss Clavicle...
NORA - (corrects) "Commissioner Clavicle, Batman."
*BATMAN - "But I strongly suspect there's more to your scheme than tying us in a Siamese Human Knot."
*NORA - "Very observant, Batman. There is more. Much more. As soon as night falls, I'm planning to -- (trump card) -- destroy all of Gotham City!"
BATGIRL - "All of Gotham City?"
ROBIN - "Why?"
Nora now produces a LEGAL LOOKING DOCUMENT and waves it toward knotted Trio.
NORA - "Do you know what this document is, Batman?"
BATMAN - "If I dared move my head, I might recognize it. But I daren't."
NORA - "It's an insurance policy. On Gotham City."
ROBIN - "Holy underwritten metropolis!"
NORA - "Exactly, Boy Bow-knot. I've insured Gotham City for ten million dollars. And what do you think it cost me?"
BATMAN - "Two hundred dollars, perhaps?"
BATGIRL - "Two hundred dollars! For a ten million dollar policy?"
[Page 21 of the script]
*BATMAN - "Yes, Batgirl, because the risk is so low. The chances of an entire city being destroyed are infinitesimal."
*NORA - "Right again, Batman. But Gotham City will be destroyed. And I'll collect the ten million, and there won't be any witnesses around to make trouble. (beat, then:)
You'll find it completely impossible to ever get out of that knot. But it will all be over--soon... (to include Evelina)
Come on, Evelina. Angelina should be outside with the truck by now.
She and Evelina EXIT, CAMERA ON Trio--in their motionless knot.
The script does not include Nora's trademark, "Don't . . . move!"
ROBIN - "Do we dare breathe, Batman?"
*BATMAN - "Cautiously, Robin, cautiously. Talking has been dangerous enough. But a deep breath might be fatal..."
The next few scenes are pretty much as broadcast, until we come to scene 82, on revised Page 22X. This interesting little scene was omitted entirely.
82 INT. WAREHOUSE - ANGLE ON KNOTTED TRIO - DAY
ROBIN - "I feel like I'm starting to strangle."
BATMAN - "You won't if you don't move.
BATGIRL - "We can't just stay motionless in this knot, Batman. The future of Gotham City may depend on us."
BATMAN - "Give me another moment. I'm trying to recall some research I once did on Siamese Human Knots."
I wonder if this scene was shot?
Shortly after this, we come to four pages that were also left out of the show. Scenes 84 through 87 start right after Chief O'Hara says, "Begorra, the shame of it!" while standing in the unemployed policemen's line with Commissioner Gordon. Although these scenes have nothing to do with the Siamese Human Knot itself, they would have served to seem to have increased the time the Terrific Trio was in the knot.
These scenes are the largest part that was cut from the script. They give more lines to Nora, Commissioner Gordon, Chief O'Hara and Alfred. I hope you enjoy this "expanded version."
CHIEF O'HARA - "And speaking of the shame of it..."
84 ANOTHER ANGLE ON SIDEWALK
BRINGING IN Nora, Evelina and Angelina.
NORA - "(icily to Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara) Loitering on the sidewalks?!
[Page 24X of the script, Revised 11/10/67]
CHIEF O'HARA - "What?! Loitering? How dare you, Miss -- (gulps) -- Comissioner...
COMMISSIONER GORDON - (restraining him) "Now, Chief O'Hara..."
NORA - Ex-Chief O'Hara...
COMMISSIONER GORDON - (ignores this) She's only doing her duty. Keeping the fine sidewalks of this city clean and uncrowded.
NORA - "Exactly. I'll tolerate no vagrancy in Gotham City! (to stoogette)
Evelina, get a policewoman."
CHIEF O'HARA - (to Nora, a bit plaintive) "But we ain't crowdin' any sidewalks, (adds, very reluctant) Commissioner."
NORA - (glances at unemployment sign) "You're obviously not gainfully employed."
COMISSIONER GORDON - "Well, we -- er -- no -- er -- that is..."
Evelina now ENTERS WITH POLICEWOMAN (could be one seen earlier if desired).
[Page 25 of the script]
Nora indicates Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara to her.
NORA - "I think you better run these two -- stumblebums into the station, officer."
POLICEWOMAN - (to Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara) "Come along..."
85 ANOTHER ANGLE
BRINGING IN Alfred, to save the day.
ALFRED - "Just a minute, please..."
NORA - "Who are you? Another vagrant?"
ALFRED - (formal) "I am millionaire Bruce Wayne's butler, ma'am."
NORA - (slightly mollified) "Oh."
ALFRED - "And I'm happy to say that these two gentlemen are gainfully employed."
NORA - "As what?"
ALFRED - "As instructors at the Bruce Wayne School of Criminology. That is, if they will accept the positions."
86 ANGLE ON COMMISSIONER GORDON AND CHIEF O'HARA
who vigorously nod "yes".
[Page 26 of the script, Revised 11/10/67]
87 RESUME SCENE
NORA - (beat) "Well. All right. This time. (to Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara) But my department will be keeping its eyes on both of you."
A-87 CLOSER - NORA AND GIRLS
EVELINA - (sotto to Nora) "We better keep moving, boss. Those mice..."
NORA - (ditto) "I know. We'll be our of town by dark. Never fear."
B-87 RESUME SCENE
NORA - (to Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara) "Any further loitering or vagrancy on your parts will result in heavy fines, jail sentences -- or both."
She and girls EXIT, CAMERA WITH Alfred, Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara.
ALFRED - (looks after her) "Formidable woman."
COMMISSIONER GORDON - "Yes. And you saved us from a very humiliating experience, Alfred."
ALFRED - "How many times, sir, have you both saved Gotham City from much worse than that?"
CHIEF O'HARA - "Are you on the level about the jobs?"
[Page 27 of the script]
ALFRED - "I believe it can be worked out. If you're -- free..."
COMMISSIONER GORDON - "We're quite free, Alfred."
Unlike the Tied-up Trio, as we return to the episode as broadcast.
BAT SPIN TO:
88 INT. WAREHOUSE - ANGLE ON KNOTTED TRIO - DAY
still tautly tangled and motionless.
BATGIRL - "I can't stand this much longer, Batman. I'm getting terrible cramps in my legs..."
BATMAN - "Good."
ROBIN - "Good? Terrible cramps?!"
*BATMAN - "Exactly. An involuntary contraction of the muscles in Batgirl's legs should indirectly ease the tension on your lower lumbar region, Robin..."
ROBIN - "Holy slipped disc!"
*BATMAN - "Not quite. But if I then wiggle my ears, and you could possibly bend the fourth finger on your left hand a fraction of an inch..."
*BATGIRL - "But that could strangle all of us."
*BATMAN - "Release all of us, Batgirl. It's the basic formula for escaping from the Siamese Human Knot. Which I just recalled... (beat) Ready? I'm just starting to wiggle my ears beneath my cowl..."
Here the script calls for a BAT SPIN TO: the next scene where the Terrific Trio is free, outside the warehouse. The decision to add the escape footage must have been made on the set. Perhaps this was in response to the playful ad-libbing Adam West and Burt Ward did at this point, described in Ward's book. I wonder if this "blooper" footage still exists?