Top Ten Alternative Smallvilles Set in Other Countries - suzycat

10. Smallville set in Italy: Named piccola citta (Smalltown), and inhabited by Clark-o and his "good friend" Lex-igi. Don't forget Clark-o's two amice (that's plural for girlfriends...I was going for crushes, but couldn't find it) Lana and Chloe...and the token negro guy (that's Italian for the color black, not a racial slur!), Pietro. Umm…I'm lame, huh? - wordnerd

  9. How 'bout Smallville in Ibiza? Just to see the general partying and nakedness. Clark could save someone from a SuperHangover or a one night stand with a KryptoFreak. - disbelief

  8. Smallville as Samauri movie:

• Clark as the innocent fisherman's son
• Lex as local warlord's son, secretly in love with Clark
• Lionel as local warlord
• Chloe as the merchant's daughter
• Lana as the local geisha-apprentice
• Whitney as the brave, but sexually ambiguous, local samauri-policeman
• Enrique as the cross-dressing maid
• Jonathon and Martha as the fisher-couple would found Clark floating in the sea in a basket
• Mothra, and Godzilla as VOTW

All badly dubbed back to English, with lots of Hoyay...all stoic looks and dramatic poses with swords and fishing boat oars. Otherwise, exactly as written. It all works.... What, isn't that what we're watching now? - TGC-64

  7. Smallville in NZ:

• Clark initially saves Lex from a bungy jumping stunt gone horribly wrong
• Instead of attempting to blow Clark up, Roger Nixon (played by ancient rugby legend Colin Meads) would approach him and suggest that really, those fence posts need to go in a bit deeper, mate
• The crap factory would have a secret level devoted entirely to the development of number 8 fencing wire technology
• Rather than whingeing about the possibility of having to mortgage his property to facilitate an employee buyout (almost entirely paid for by Lex), that grizzled factory hand (played by stony-faced rugby legend Grizz Wylie) would narrow his eyes approvingly, pause, and say: "Good on ya, mate."
• The sheep *would* feed themselves
• Pete would suddenly go mad with a shotgun and kill half Smallville and then himself. And nobody would ever. Know. Why.
• Lex and Clark would beat Bo to death with half a brick in a stocking for daring to suggest they needed to spend a little time apart
• At some point, it would be revealed that the Last Son of Krypton was in fact sent to Earth to source meat for an intergalactic hamburger chain. And a sheep would explode. - suzycat
• Well, you can pretty much guarantee many, many more scenes in the hospital
• At some point a nurse would deliver the obligatory line: "You're not in Metropolis any longer, Mr. Luthor"
• Chloe and Lana would work at the reception, because sooner or later every woman who's not a medical professional works at the reception of the local hospital
• The Kent household would be troubled, what with Bo's rampant drinking and abusive behaviour, although eventually he sees the error of his ways ("You're a hard woman, Martha" "You're a hard man, Bo"). And then Clark joins a gang and Bo singlehandedly takes them on. - Funky Chicken of Death
• And, Funky Chicken, whenever Lex came round Bo would scream: "Get out of it, ya mongrel!" Although eventually he would relent and force Martha to cook him some eggs. - suzycat
• And let's not forget the age-old: "Get in behind, Clark! Get in behind!" Oh, and Havoc and Newsboy could do Smallville. Cause you can bet they'd see the HoYay. - Funky Chicken of Death

  6. Smallville in Canada. Um, I guess it would be exactly the same, right? Except they'd say 'eh' a lot. - adellyna

• Smallville does Toronto: Imagine, visiting the phallic CN Tower, partying at Pride Week, sunbathing on the nude beach.... - Wubba

  5. Smallville as a Mexican game show, in which:

• Bo runs around cheerfully bellowing nonsensical statements while blinding the audience with his shiny yellow suit
• Chloe and Lana are dressed in neon pink short-shorts and halter tops, and they alternate between shrieking things like "This is so fun! And you are so sexy, Bo!" and giggling. Occasionally they throw balloons at each other and giggle some more
• Whitney and Pete play a game which involves chasing turkeys around the stage, although no one seems to know why, and Whitney wins some dish detergent
• Martha sings a song about crackers
• Nell and Lionel compete in another very random game, involving blindfolded guessing of how many avocados Lana is throwing at Chloe (ow). Lionel wins (he cheats) and Bo pinches Nell's bum. Lionel wins some pineapple-flavored gum
• Lex plays some game involving crepe paper and washing machines, one that makes even less sense than the previous two games. Even Bo is confused by this point, so he yells louder and grins even more. Lex wins (of course). His prize? Ten oranges, a blender...and Clark
• The whole mess is sponsored by a local politician and Donde snack foods ("The pope enjoys Donde!") - justjoan
  

  4. Smallville in Texas (because it's like a whole other country, anyway):

• It would be very similar, but with cowboy hats and longhorn cattle
• And Lex's dillo could run free, as long as he kept it out of the street - slodwick
• Only in the Panhandle and West Texas. Here in Houston Lex could be an oil tycoon and every one of them has a larger than life personality. Clark could be a kept boy and Whitney a nice police officer. Oh the fic possibilities - Elrond50

  3. Smallville in Egypt: Where Clark and Lex are already married, Bo is mute, Pete actually has a function on the show, and Lana? Lana who? Oh, but Lionel would be his same magnificent self. - Crayola

  2. The Bollywood version. You know, where Lex rides in on his white horse and carries Clark off into the pink smoke until they arrive at a mountaintop in Switzerland. But then the Evil Vizier Lionel arrives, interrupting their song, and steals Clark's magic comb, so Clark runs away and gives Lana a bowl of bread and five rubies. Then Clark, Lana and all the happy peasants dance around throwing confetti and singing about the joys of rice farming. Lex shows up, having abandoned his palace for a life of crime, and offers Bo a new oxcart in exchange for Clark. Bo sings a looooong song about oxen (hmmm) but in the end he gives Lex...Martha. Lex and his gang dance around in leather oufits stolen from the video for "Bad" in a train station until Evil Vizier Lionel and his minions give them fish. Lex and best buddy Dominic sing a very HoYay song about what close friends they are. Clark and the girls dance and wail for a while. Suddenly, the director realizes that the movie is six hours long and has cost roughly the GNP of Sudan in confetti and glitter, so he has Lex and Clark meet at a rock concert, declare their eternal love (in song, natch) and get married under the loving eyes of Bo, Evil Vizier Lionel, Martha, the oxen and about 200 peasants. Lex is wearing a shiny white suit. Clark is wearing a bright red sari and big hoop earrings. The End. The sequel will be filmed in two weeks. - justjoan

  1. Smallville does Rio de Janeiro during Carnival: Oh the fun that Lex would have with Clark. Enrique has to bring Whitney. Martha, Bo, Chloe, and Pete get to tag along and see Brazil. Lana is left in the US because all she talks about are her pancake parents. - Elrond50

Extra: Smallville in Ireland. Who needs meteors when you've got Guinness? It's been making Irish people do weird things for frickin centuries. And leprechauns? So. Gay. - emelerin