Smallville TWoP Ten Lists

Top Ten Notes that Clark Leaves with Lex's Produce Deliveries - AmandaFM25

10. (on top of the cucumbers): "They're *almost* as big as yours." ;) - Slashgirl
  9. "They can be eaten raw-and so can I!" ;) - Slashgirl
  8. I'll come by later for the deposit. - Miss Windy
  7. Enjoy the apples. How about some gay sex later? - Gnosis
  6. Lex, Enrique keeps pinching my ass! - Elrond50
  5. See Lex, all you have do is squeeze it to see if it's ripe. The firmer, the better. - birdysj
  4. There's more where this came from ;) - BlueFroggy
  3. Dear Lex, Call day or night and I will always deliver. Clark - Shy
  2. Organic, like me - firestarter
  1. Don't worry, I'll be back later for your special protein drink. - Jackbugger

Top Ten Lines from Buffy that You'd Like to See on Smallville - joyfulgirl41

10. Clark to Lex: "Sometimes when I'm sitting in class.... You know, I'm not thinking about class, 'cause that would never happen. I think about kissing you. And it's like everything stops. It's like freeze frame. Lex kissage." - joyfulgirl41
  9. Lex to Clark: "I may be Love's Bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it!" - Shy
  8. Chloe warns Clark and Lex: "The Sexcapades better be over, because (your) mom's coming up!" - Shy
  7. Bo: "Well, son, the early bird doesn't fall very far from the tree, and don't burn your bridges till after you've crossed them, and blah blah blah BoCakes...." Clark: "Thanks for the dada-ist pep talk. I feel much more abstract now." - firestarter
  6. Lex: Don't see why I have to be tied up. Clark: It's just while I'm sleeping. Lex: Like I'd bite you anyway. Clark: Oh, you would. Lex: Not bloody likely. Clark: I happen to be very biteable, pal. I'm moist and delicious. Lex: All right, yeah fine. You're a nummy treat. Clark: And don't you forget it. - Matryoshka
  5. "Shoot me, stuff me, mount me." (If I have to tell you who would say that to whom....) - Jackbugger
  4. Clark to Lex: "Is this a 'get in my pants' thing?" - psiren
  3. Anyone to Lana: "Bored, now." - Spiderine
  2. Clark to Lionel, in our long-desired confrontation scene: "You can attack me, you can send assassins after me...that's fine. But nobody messes with my boyfriend." - justjoan
  1. Cellulita: I like people. They're like happy meals with legs. - adellyna

Extra: Pete: "I think this line's mostly filler...." - C.

Top Ten Reasons Why Nobody Notices Anything Weird Going On in Smallville - Shy

10. Constantly avoiding anvils of cheese - Shy
  9. Blinded by Lex Lust - BlueFroggy
  8. Truck-explosion-induced amnesia - AmandaFM25
  7. The coffee served in Smallville induces memory loss. - Elrond50
  6. Clark's white lighter uses that memory dust stuff liberally, wait, this isn't Charmed.... - adellyna
  5. When they begin to complain, they get distracted by that delicious pie over there. Yay, Pie!!! - AlejandraDD
  4. Submitted for your approval... Living in Smallville is a cute little blond boy (like Ryan, but cuter). He looks like you or me, but he, too, is a Kryptomutant. He can read minds (dum dum DUM) . And anyone who wonders too much about his beloved Smallville quickly learns that questions are dangerous. The stubborn ones are wished into the cornfield. In this way, Little Kryptoboy ensures that nothing ever changes, and everything is just as he likes it. But the people of Smallville have learned to smile and say "It's a good thing." - justjoan
  3. Citizens of Smallville are too busy reading slashfic featuring the sexy billionaire and beautiful farmboy to notice anything else. - elara
  2. They're too busy eating pancakes! - Shy
  1. Smallville is reliving every day over and over, like on Groundhog Day, so they start every day anew, forgetting what happened before. - JenHall

Top Ten Ways Clark Can Tell Lex He's an Alien - JenHall

10. "Lex, you know how, like, men are from Mars and women are from Venus? Well, I need a third option." - Elrond50
  9. You were right, you're always right. It's why I love you. - adellyna
  8. (Places a hand in Lex's shoulder) I'm an alien, Lex. And do you know how do we have sex in my planet? With a hand in the shoulder! - AlejandraDD
  7. Clark waits for movie marathon night at the mansion, and brings over his collection of videos: My Favorite Martian, V: The Series, Alien, Spaceballs, Star Trek, Red Dwarf, Day of the Triffids, E.T., X-Files, War of the Worlds, Village of the Damned, Men In Black, The Man Who Fell To Earth, Close Encounters, Alien Nation.... Lex: What's all this? Clark: Looking for my birth parents. - Lyonside
  6. His usual method- leaving a note with the produce delivery. - Ophie5
  5. Lex? Remember when we had butt sex and I shot you into Gotham City? Well, you were right, it isn't humanly possible to do that. Of course I'm not human, I'm an alien. But please, try to forget that in the next couple of years, so you won't recognize me when I show up in Metropolis wearing tights. - Gnosis
  4. While they're basking in the afterglow. - Tall Poppy
  3. No, Lex, I'm not gay. On my home planet, this is normal. - adellyna
  2. Hey Lex, I'm an alien, and now that you know, I have to give you an anal probe, do you have lube? - joyfulgirl41
  1. Lex, remember that time when my semen spilled on the floor, and you slipped on it and it burned through your leather shoes like acid? Well...I'm finally ready to give you the real reason that happened...no, it wasn't a new ingredient Mom put in her pie, that was just what I told you so you'd stop asking questions. - outside the box

Top Ten Smallville 12-Step Groups - C.

10. "Getting over your parents in 12 easy steps":
Stop whining!
Grow up for God's sake!
Nobody wants to hear about it, so shut up!
Leave the gay farmboy alone, he's already found love in all the right places.
Aren't you supposed to be in school?
Didn't I tell your expressionless ass to shut up? ...and so forth - outside the box

  9. Slashaholics Anonymous! - Jackbugger
  8. Bestiality Anonymous - adellyna
  7. Seducing underage farmboys in 12 easy steps:
eyef*ck as often as possible
make use of phallic symbols such as water bottles
draw attention to your crotch as often as possible
leer sexily
use the word "relationship" when discussing your friendship, etc. etc. etc. - joyfulgirl41

  6. Twelve steps to maintaining your secret identity:
Don't tell anyone you're different
Make friends with a hacker, it'll look they they're solving crime, not you!
Don't tell anyone you have a secret identity
Do not hang out with rich men who are curious about you...and other things.
Hang out with a really dumb guy who has a fine grasp of the obvious and likes crappy bands
Try not to mention to people that you have a secret identity
Find a good hiding place for all evidence of your secret identity
If, by chance, someone else steals your reason for having a secret identity, don't sulk

Do not use your powers for personal gain
Make sure you don't tell anyone you have a secret identity
Try not to betray your secret identity in front of casual bystanders
If people find out about your secret identity and threaten to expose it, kill them, but don't come asking for a refund - adellyna

  5. Get Your Vehicle Home in One Piece in Twelve Easy Steps!
Speed limits are not suggestions
When insane LuthorCorp employees repeatedly tap you, it's acceptable to cross the double yellow line
Keep an eye out for psychic orphans who appear out of bushes
Don't cry while driving
Don't sit in your boyfriend's truck during a tornado
Never let quarterbacks drive

Watch out for falling loops of wire
Driving a tractor doesn't make you Mario Andretti
Having the word "Ford" in your last name doesn't entitle you to an unlimited supply of pickup trucks
Don't park in the Smallville High parking lot

Don't put your name on your license plates
Be the truck! Be the truck! BE THE TRUCK! - AmandaFM25

  4. 12 steps to hunky alien boyfriend acquisition:
Glance slyly
Snark, but with love
Trounce own moral dignity for attention from said hunky alien
Pretend to ignore gay sex happening between said hunky alien and hunky alien's "millionnaire playboy"
Make hair extra flippy when hunky alien is around, as it is an 'unequivocal sex invite' etc... - madmouth

  3. 12 steps to attending high school classes, and thus eventually graduating high school - Thayli
  2. LfFA: Lusting for Farmboys Anonymous - madmouth
  1. Organic Vegetable Abusers Anonymous - Tall Poppy

Top Ten Questions to Which the Answer Is "Because they can't/won't/aren't going to feed themselves" - Tall Poppy

10. Waikikamukau - Tall Poppy
  9. Why do we need a fertilizer plant anyway? "Because the corn…. - C.
  8. Clark, why you making all those extra deliveries to Lex's castle? - AmandaFM25
  7. Lex, why are you offering my dad ass money? - Shy
  6. Lex, why are you putting chocolate sauce on my balls? - suzycat
  5. Mr. Luthor, why is my dad tied up in your torture chamber? - madmouth
  4. Why are you going to the barn at midnight Dad? - adellyna
  3. Clark to Lex: What do you mean, "Take it off"? - outside the box
  2. Why are the fish blowing on my toes? - Clark'N'Lana4Ever!!!!!
  1. Why must we wink at the fangirls? - kleenexwoman

Top Ten Plots Involving Michigan, my home state - kleenexwoman

10. Krypto-mutant Wolverines! - Minders
  9. Steve Yzerman kicks Superman's ass. - Clark'N'Lana4Ever!!!!!
  8. Chloe trying to explain to Clark and Pete why they can't go with her and Lana to the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival. - Jackbugger
  7. Lex buys GM; invention of car powered by sexual tension soon follows. - Minders
  6. Godzilla rises from Lake Michigan, travels to Smallville. Bo takes pity and offers up his herd of cows, saying "Even mutant monsters from the depths won't feed themselves." - Minders
  5. Lex and Clark go for a wild, sex-filled romp on Beaver Island. Because they enjoy the irony. - slodwick
  4. "Here, Clark, let me show you where on the hand we'll be…." - Jackbugger
  3. Lex takes Clark up to his place in Grosse Pointe Shores so they can go skinny-dipping, since every pond down to puddle-sized in Smallville is contaminated with meteor rocks and Lex much prefers actual kissing to giving Clark mouth-to-mouth over and over again. - Jackbugger
  2. Go on Wayne's World. - Shy
  1. Following that, they all go to an Aerosmith concert and shout with the crowd "Eat My Frankenstein!" - Shy

Top Ten Classes at Smallville Community College - C.

10. Defensive Driving - firestarter
  9. Langology: An Introduction To Pancakism - Bulletproof Monk
  8. Greek literary classics - Elrond50
  7. Buggery 101 - suzycat
  6. Stonemasonry 101: How to transplant that ancient Scottish castle to withstand even tornados! - firestarter
  5. Business 169: Screwing Your Partners for Fun and Profit - AmandaFM25
  4. Platitudes 103 (Requirements: Platitudes 101 & 102 and Flannelgebra 104) - Bulletproof Monk
  3. Bovine Studies. Sample Test Questions:
If you have a group of cows on a train that is moving at 10 miles per hour, how long will it take the train to travel a distance of 10 miles?
What is the white liquid that is discharged from a cow udder as you squeeze it? (Bo: "Bukkake!!! Oh, I mean milk. Sorry.")
True or False: Will a cow feed itself? - Bulletproof Monk

  2. Corn: It Goes Well With Cheese. A Creative Writing Experience. - suzycat
  1. The Joy of FABulously Gay Sex - Taschen

Extra: Super Hero ethics room 101 - Shy

Top Ten Rejected Baby Names For Lex - adellyna

10. Well presumably...Lionel Jr. - kstanley
  9. Alexander (The FABulous!) - Shy
  8. Bling Bling Luthor - Bulletproof Monk
  7. Hellion Luthor - Elrond50
  6. Attilla Vergincetorix Te Rauparaha Luthor - suzycat
  5. Caius Iulius Caesar Luthor (rejected when Lionel found out Caesar was a flagrant bisexual with a fondness for bestiality) - suzycat
  4. Caligula de Sade Luthor - AmandaFM25
  3. Oedipus Rex Luthor - firestarter
  2. "I name this baby...Mini-Me!" - Bulletproof Monk
  1. Little Bastard - suzycat

Top Ten Reasons Lana and Clark Never Marry - Shy

10. Too busy "saving" Lex - Shy
  9. Too busy "shagging" Lex - joyfulgirl41
  8. Clark accidentally pours ketchup on Lana's parents, insulting the Langs.... - Bulletproof Monk
  7. Lana insisted on making her wedding ring out of the damn dead parents/meteor necklace. (Actually, that's what Clark told his parents. In reality it was over the minute Lex and Clark went to try on tuxedos together.) - autumnyte
  6. Because Lana has girl cooties - Funky Chicken of Death
  5. Because one of Lana's stalkers finally manages to kill her. - disbelief
  4. Once Clark experienced *tornado* suction, he was spoiled for everyone else. Apart from Head Job Luthor - suzycat
  3. Lana isn't bald. - Miss Windy
  2. A certain flip-haired intrepid reporter. Lana to Clark, "You might have noticed I've been going through a lot of changes this year, quitting cheerleading, opening the Talon, munching carpet...." - firestarter
  1. Because Clark realizes that Lana is an evil anti-hot!gay!sex robot, and is forced, well actually, pleased to be able to destroy her for the benefit of all mankind. - adellyna