Top Ten Plot Cliches for a Clex Story - kleenexwoman
Clark's Top Ten Ejaculatory Exclamations - MrsTomWelling
Who in Smallville Would be Batman and Why? - greenman
Top Ten Famous Luthors Throughout History - Shy
Top Ten Patriotic Clark/Lex Double Entendres (in honour of the Yanks' independence celebration) - Jackbugger
Top Ten Alternate Careers the Cast Members Have - greenman
Top Ten Christmas Gifts for 13 Year Old Girl Lex (TM Cyb?) - adellyna
Top Ten Things the Cows Would Say if They Could Talk - Shy
Top Ten Things that Would Happen if Lex Had Crashed on Clark's Home Planet - Shy
Top Ten Things Smallvillians Will Never Say - outside the box
10. The "simple pleasures" story, where Clark introduces Lex to something that "normal people" do. Like roasting marshmallows. - kleenexwoman
9. Lex surprises Clark while Clark is "handling his telescope" in the Fortress of Barnitude. - Minders
8. It's cold! Lex is shivering, and may catch hypothermia! What to do, what do? I know! Cuddle together for warmth! Because Clark is like a furnace! On account of his being an alien! - wileykit666
7. The boys take in a film. Poor innocent Clarkie knows nothing of subtext and Lex is generous enough to share his knowledge. - justjoan
6. The boys go for a ride in Lex's Ferrari. All is fine until Lex "accidentally" shifts Clark's crotch. Then they pull over and have wild monkey sex in a cornfield. - Minders
5. Clark (Lex) in all innocence tells Lex (Clark) to "blow me", and guess what? - DCookKC
4. Meteor-mutant of the week mistakes Lex's head for a target; Clark tosses the Smallvillian villain 30 metres into something hard enough for a good concussion, then sets about kissing Lex better. - Jackbugger
3. Lex attempts to sublimate Clark-hankerin' with a good bout of clubbing. Clark has snuck in. hot Backroom Action ensues! - Minders
2. Lionel and/or Bo is cruel and cutting to Lex, who has very low self-esteem and needs constant reassurance from father figures. Oh, the angst! Oh, the pain! Oh, the wild sex that Clark uses to comfort and distract him! - justjoan
1. Bo catches Clark and Lex in flagrante delicto . Fun with shotguns and superpowers ensues, then they all sit down for an unbearably tense family chat in which Clark declares his True Feelings for Lex. - Jackbugger
10. Jesus, Mary and Alexander Joseph! Wait, Clark's not Catholic? Oh well. In that case: - suzycat
9. Fuuuuuuck! - suzycat
8. Oh...oh...yeah, oh...OH Bessie! - DCookKC
7. "CLEX!" - wileykit666
6. Yay!Sperm - adellyna
5. Piiiiiiieee! - Jackbugger
4. Sha-zaaaaaam! - Minders
3. Swallow it, you little bald bitch! Love you, babe. - DCookKC
2. Up, up and awaaaaaay! - suzycat
1. Yes! Yes! Yes, Lex...I mean, Chloe! - Bulletproof Monk
10. Lex. He's rich, he has a castle, and he has a young sidekick of whom he's very protective. - suzycat
9. Lionel. Because he's dark and creepy and obscenely rich, and does things with his money the public would never guess - Jackbugger
8. Lana. Her parents died horribly in front of her. Before! Her! Eyes! And she is terribly, terribly emotionally scarred from this experience and will, inevitably, become some kind of Natural Phenomena vigilante. Because, you know. It was. Horrible. - suzycat
7. Clark. Millar and Gough be damned, I'll bet his legs look fine in in tights. Not to mention his ass. - Jackbugger
6. Pete, because his identity is a big secret already! - i know Nothing! NOTHING!
5. Principal Kwan. Why not? - suzycat
4. Bo Kent. Instead of a utility belt, he wears a tool belt. And you should see his tool. - edie22
3. Mutant of the Week. Smallville's a small town, everyone would notice if any of the regulars had a secret identity. - Jackbugger
2. Bo Kent- Why should Clark get all the glory? - Shy
1. Mama Kent- Well, she already proved she's a better Lana Lang! - Shy
10. 10,000? B.C.- Lion Luthor, whose looks were so feline it was rumored his mother had an affair with a great cat, took over Big Stick Enterprises when they went bankrupt trying to club off his tribe's newest invention-FIRE! His bone fragments indicate he was killed after a coupling with a sabertooth got out of hand.(Said sabertooth was found nearby, dying of pure exhaustion.) - Shy
9. 4AD. Caius Maximus Luthor, or Arsebandit to his friends, is sentenced to death for seducing the entire Roman Senate, its wives, daughters, sons and sheep. Naturally, being a noble, he commits suicide. But not before knocking off the studly young Gauls sent to do the honours should he chicken out. - suzycat
8. 1066 a.d. William the Bastard of Normandy. Both Magnificent and FABulous. I'm surprised Lex never brings him up, though.... - DCookKC
7. Luthor Khan, who brought the Art of War to the west with his Magnificent Mongol Horde of bastard offspring. Dark Ages. Horses. - Jackbugger
6. Hephaestion Luthor. Mate of Alexander the Great's. In a rugged, manly, no-funny-business kind of way. - suzycat
5. (845?-860?) - called "The Malevolent". Gained notoriety for his decision to close the Holy Monastery of Sts. Cuthbertus and Aldus, patrons of cowherds and orphans, and to take all of the community's considerable wealth for his own. Made a habit of knowing which lesser nobles and peasants had beautiful unmarried daughters (and possibly sons, though the sources may be corrupt). Excommunicated twice and saw his territories placed under interdict once, but always managed to buy his way back into papal favor. Was much plagued by Viking raiders, but defeated them with a combination of guile, bribery and assassination. Died under mysterious circumstances while hunting- his body was found poisoned, beaten, strangled, drowned, and stuck full of tiny daggers of Burgundian, Neustrian, Aquitanian and Visigothic make. His death prompted the monastic historian Gundibertus of St. Arnulf to write, "Blessings to the Holy Mother and St. Arnulf our patron for finally getting rid of that bloody peacock. Hairy old bastard." Unfortunately, the rest of this particular account is lost. - justjoan
4. Pope Lionel I, possibly 11th century. Former relic salesman turned cleric who became FABulously wealthy, supposedly on the back of pieces of the True Cross and Christ's Actual Foreskin. Enemies at the time suggested "on HIS back" was more accurate, prompting rumours that Lionel was in fact a woman. May have been the model for "Pope Joan". In later life became intensely spiritual, spending many years sequestered in a monastery where he kindly took upon himself complete control of certain classical texts which he did not deem suitable for young monks. Ascended to the Papacy at around age 50, launched late Crusade, decimated Europe, died of heart attack at approximately 55 years of age in company of young monk. - suzycat
3. Mad Czar Luthor was orphaned in young adulthood when his haemophiliac parents and siblings all bled to death within a month of one another. His reign was noted for its unusually brutal (even for Russia) repression of the serf class, and Luthor's military campaigns that extended the Russian Empire into previously unheld areas of Siberia, Europe and the trans-Ural steppes. Rumours persisted throughout his life about his relationship to a mysterious advisor who was only ever seen dressed in a long, dark frock and who was said to oversee his ruler's private dungeons. There are also fragmentary tales surviving about the special closeness Czar Luthor shared with his favourite horse. - Jackbugger
2. Lester Luthor, Mayor of Devil's Gulch, New Mexico Territory (b. 1828- d.1891)- An accomplished gambler and cheat, Lester Luthor won the town of Devil's Gulch with two pair of sixes. His diaries record that he promptly imported some "fresh whores" to replace the existing soiled doves, and demanded that the saloon replace all rotgut with "fine Kentucky bourbon". His greatest triumph was convincing (through unspecified means) seven railroad officials to reroute their line through his town. Devil's Gulch soon became known as "the Paris of Northeast New Mexico Territory." Unfortunately, Luthor's refusal to hire an effective sheriff, instead preferring loyal but unreliable minions, meant that a dispute over mining rights led to numerous skirmishes with the local tribes. Mayor Luthor was captured and suffered "tortures unspeakable, including the removal of those parts which a man holds most dear." He never fully recovered, and lived out his days with only a burro named Salvatore for companionship. Devil's Gulch eventually changed its name to Poison Creek, then Sulfurville, until it was finally abandoned around 1924. - justjoan
1. Martin Luthor: 16th century German monk who rejected the Catholic Church and it's teachings about salvation and more importantly it's doctrines regarding sodomy. Gathered many followers to form new religious movement, the Luthorans, including a handsome young farmboy from Bavaria who became Luthor's 'special' helper. To avoid persecution, they joined a Spanish expedition to the new world, and ended up founding a colony where San Francisco would later be established. - Gnosis
10. Clark, could you hold my (flag)pole? - psiren
9. "Thanks for um, making me see fireworks after the party, Lex...." "Anytime, Clark. In fact, want to see some now?" - Jackbugger
8. During Smallville's July 4th Parade, the sudden thought of Clark wrapped up in nothing but the stars and stripes made Lex salute.... - autumnyte
7. "That's a grand old flag if I ever saw one." - Miss Windy
6. Uncle Sam Wants You!, Clark. - DCookKC
5. It's my yankee doodle dandy (or dandy yankee doodle, whichever pleases the borg porn mind mentality more.) - Coriolanus
4. "Is that a bottle-rocket in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" - Jackbugger
3. You've heard of the Minute Man? I'm not one. - justjoan
2. "Freedom's never tasted so good...." - Shy
1. "Through the night, will your flag still be there?" - Shy
10. Michael Rosenbaum - Porn Star. *points to the pic of MR wearing a Porn Star hat* - Cynthia187
9. Allison Mack - Hair products ads - MrsTomWelling
8. Tom Welling- Naked Maid - autumnyte
7. Sam Jones III - Mime - Grey Roses
6. John Glover- Tax collecter - greenman
5. Eric Johnson - Test track driver - Elrond50
4. John Schneider - Editor, "Platitudes for Every Occasion." - firestarter
3. The writers - going back to finish their Harvard theses on life experience - greenman
2. Michael Rosenbaum: SPCA - operates feline gas chamber. - autumnyte
1. KK - Hooters Girl - adellyna
10. Perfumed stationery and a fuzzy pen - adellyna
9. A wig???? - lex'sbabe
8. Purple dress with matching purple purse. - Cynthia187
7. A lock of Clark's hair in a heart-shaped locket. - Grey Roses
6. A new designer outfit for Alexander doll - preferably Dolce & Gabbana - kstanley
5. Karaeoke machine: all Britney, all the time. - That Nashvegas Chick
4. Purple body glitter (in a case that looks suspiciously like you know who) - kstanley
3. A basket of Olsen twins makeup and a "How-To" book.... - Cynthia187
2. Lavender Candy (When we visited N.Y. in Brooklyn at the King's Plaza Mall they had the tastiest purple candy. But now they don't have it anymore :( - Shy
1. Clark, preferably gift wrapped.... - Shy
10. If you're going to feed me, could you at least give me pie? - adellyna
9. Does he EVER shut up?! - Elrond50
8. Leave me alone! I can feed myself, dammit! - Cynthia187
7. Bo Kent's a MURDERER!! LuthorCorp was framed! - DCookKC
6. No, Bo...I have a headache. - outside the box
5. HE'S eating one of us RIGHT NOW!!! - Elrond50
4. Old Man Kent rides the bull at midnight, pass it on.... - Shy
3. They're dead? - Shy
2. "Why do you call me Lex every time you milk me?" - autumnyte
1. Should we call Martha and make a trio??? - lex'sbabe
10. Without pancakes to hinder them, Clark and Lex would be blissfully wed! - Shy
9. Jor-El would consult that popular interstellar best-seller, How to Serve Man. - TGC-64
8. The new national wardobe would consist mainly of silky lavender shirts and snug pants. - adellyna
7. The entire planet's drinking supply would be one big Ty Nant bottle.... - Cynthia187
6. Worldwide depletion of hair follicles. "I don't need a mane to be sexy, dammit!" - madmouth
5. He'd hold up his hands and say, "I come in peace. Take me to your particle accelerators." - firestarter
4. Four words--Lex Luthor, Sex Slave - phantom_minuet
3. The entire population of Krypton would, as one, bend over. - suzycat
2. He'd be so weak and sub-powered from Krypton's red sun that Clark--er, Kal-El would have to carry him around everywhere! Cos, you know, Lex is so fragile and delicate and breakable even on Earth. He'd bruise just getting out of his Kryptonian bed in the morning and burst into tears. But that's okay, Cl--Kal-El would kiss the tears away, really, really gently and carefully. He's careful with Lex all the time, because he's so strong and would never forgive himself if he hurt Lex. Unless Lex wanted it. - Jackbugger
1. He could attend Krypton City High School, and meet the hard-to-find Tok-En, the only black Kryptonian. - outside the box
10. Hey, whatever happened to that kid who got all those weird powers from those green rocks? - outside the box
9. Lionel Luthor is the nicest man, sweet, caring, and kind. Can we have Lionel Luthor Day? - Elrond50
8. Lex, about Clark: "He's too pretty for me." - Slashgirl
7. Clark, about Lex: "He's too smart for me." - Slashgirl
6. Anyone, about Victoria: "Boobs McChesty, Super-Genius." - Slashgirl
5. "I hear Martha and Jonathon Kent got caught screwing on the watertower again. And, apparently, she's sporting a brand new tattoo on her ass." - phantom_minuet
4. Will Pete be there? Cos it just won't be the same without him. - wileykit666
3. "There goes Jonathan Kent...giving Clark's hand to Lex in marriage" - Cynthia187
2. Old Mr. Smallville: Oh Look, there's that nice Lex Luthor boy. Doesn't he always look so dapper? Old Mrs. Smallville: Oh yes, he's peachy. If I were fifty years younger.... Isn't that Martha Kent's boy with him? The one with the CSL? Ah, it's a pity there's no such thing as the gay in our town, cos those two would make a lovely couple.... OMrs.S: Oh yes, I'm sure the sex would be great too. Hey, what's CSL? OMr.S: I'll show you later dear.... - emelerin
1. Lex: "I just don't feel like wearing any shade of purple today." - Jackbugger
