Top Ten MAD Parodies of Smallville - kleenexwoman
Top Ten Worst-Case Scenario Survival Hbk, Smallville - firestarter
Top Ten Card Games Converted by SV Hoyay into Sexual Activity - i know Nothing! NOTHING!
Top Ten Ways to Kill Smallville Characters in the Messiest and Most Morbid Way Possible - Clark'N'Lana4Ever!!!!!
Extra: Langs Revenge: Death By Syrupy Goodness. Dr. Hamilton: "You all thought I was mad! Mad I tell you! But I warned you that the pancakes would rise up and destroy us all! Smallville covered in runny batter is just the beginning! Look to the waffle irons! Look to the IHoPs! Its not too late...." - Bulletproof Monk
Top Ten Blatant HoYay Props Provided By John Glover, The HoYay Fairy - Jackbugger
Top Ten Passionate Romance Books that Feature Clark and Lex - Shy
Top Ten Other Historical Items the Luthors Own - Shy
Top Ten Naughty Questions We'd Want Michael Rosenbaum Asked for His [hypothetical] TWoP Interview - Jackbugger
Lex's Top Ten Online Aliases - C.
Top Ten Plots SV Could Gank From Other Shows/Films/Plays That Might Actually Not Suck - Jackbugger
10. A MAD Look At Krypto-Mutants by Sergio Aragones - kleenexwoman
9. Pete as Black Spy - Thayli
8. Cover page fold in: Luthor Castle into a giant penis. Overhead clouds become Clark's head. - DCookKC
7. Cutting behind the scenes vignette in which TW and MR, while being interviewed between scenes, deny the existence of HoYay in SV, while hanging out in their trailer shotgunning bonghits (TM JackBugger). TW: I'm saving the pot.
MR: It's all about saving the pot.
TW: See, if I were kissing him, it'd look more like this...CENSORED - DCookKC
6. The Lighter Side of...Having your parents be crushed by a meteor right in front of you and then whining about it for the rest of your life. - Gnosis
5. A cover showing either: * a bald Alfred E. as Lex with a bemused Clark in the background, or * a WB-hairdo'ed Alfred E. as Clark with a bemused Lex in the background - i know Nothing! NOTHING!
4. Unfinished sentences. "Gee, Lana, I'm sorry to hear about your dead parents...For the gabillionth time." - firestarter
3. Monroe And THE WB SHOW: Where Monroe's mom sleeps with either Millar or Gough to get the little loser onto a TV show. - kleenexwoman
2. Photos with conversation ballons, most of which say "Who f**ted?". - i know Nothing! NOTHING!
1. 1) Smellville (which is what they actually did!) - i know Nothing! NOTHING!
10. How to Escape Death by Krypto-Freak:
9. What to do in case a student actually shows up for class:
8. What to do if Lana Lang begins talking about her parents:
7. What to do if Lex Luthor comes roaring up the main street of Smallville at dangerous speeds:
6. What to do in case of tornado:
5. What to do if your teenage son falls in love with a man:
4. What to do if you get this week's Smallville script and you have no lines:
3. What to do if your car goes off a bridge:
2. What to do if your parents get squished by a meteor:
1. What to do if your cows are hungry:
10. Strip Poker - i know Nothing! NOTHING!
9. Screw Your Neighbour - C.
8. Go Fish in Clark's pants - TGC-64
7. Hearts - Minders
6. 52 Card Pick-up (resulting in doggiestyle!Lex) - DCookKC
5. Asshole - AmandaFM25
4. War (more for Lexionel than Clex) - AmandaFM25
3. The lesser-known variety of Texas Hold 'Em: Kansas Hold Him - Minders
2. Egyptian Rat Screw or Fuck. Involves hand-slapping and arguments over whether they play for doubles, sandwiches, hoagies, and/or 69's. Playful wrestling ensues when Lex refuses to give up two cards for a mis-slap. - amararockstar
1. "Fuck You". Actually, it's a game my brother and I made up where he threatens to break my head and I threaten to trash his room. It's very entertaining. - kleenexwoman
10. The meteor that killed Lana's parents comes back and is looking to finish the job it started. - Gnosis
9. On one of his many visits to taunt Lex, Lionel's lustrous locks are irradiated and animated by exposure to Kryptonite. Upon his subsequent return to Metropolis, Lionel is unexpectedly scalped to death, when his tresses (which really are dumb as a bucket of hair) finally realize that he's not a very nice person, at all, and decide to move out and get their own apartment. - phantom_minuet
8. Bo squished under a cow = just like Catherine the Great squished under her horse. - firestarter
7. Lana has a completely wooden personality...let's put her through the wood chipper! - bbf2
6. After long months of simmering UST, Clark and Lex finally get together...and Clark fucks right through Lex with his SuperPenis and SuperSemen, a la Larry Niven (who is wrong, wrong, wrong), and as he lies spitted and bleeding Lex tells Clark to do it again, cos he can't think of a better way to go.... Serious squickiness. - Jackbugger
5. Bo takes Clark again to one of those "na-na-na-na-na-na-na-fishing!" trips. He starts platitudin' so much that all the fishes jump out of the water, grab Bo's fish-gutting knife and start taking his guts out. Clark's too busy looking at his reflection in the water to notice. - AlejandraDD
4. Putting a rabid wolverine in a bucket and strapping Lana's head face-down into the bucket. The wolverine with be left with one option: eat its way out. - outside the box
3. Lana's parents are smushed under a giant rock, which is just big enough to smush them and no larger, and conveniently hits them dead on, leaving Lana parentless at age 3. Wait, you mean that's canonical? Whoops.... - Musa
2. The LuthorCorp acid pipeline (doesn't every evil Corp have at least one?) is diverted (accidentally?) into the Kent farms' water supply. Ma and Bo Kent, taking an early afternoon shower together, are dissolved, quite painfully, right down to bones. And then the bones dissolve. - i know Nothing! NOTHING!
1. Pete takes a shortcut home one day and falls into a well. He broke bones and can't climb back out. Nobody notices he's missing -- not the school, not his best friends, not his family, not even 'I notice everything' Lex -- and though people pass by the field occasionally, Pete's efforts to call for help are hampered by his only being able to utter a five sentences or less per week. When his bloated, rotted corpse is found many months later, the ME's office can't say for certain whether it was starvation, blood loss, exposure, gangrene or the rats and crows picking away at Pete's softer bits that actually killed him. Of course, they can't tell it's Pete, either, cus...Pete who? - Jackbugger
10. Doesn't he have a big, thick gold cane he likes to swagger around with? - Shy
9. In a future episode he shows Lex the stone phallus in his collection that Alexander the Great owned. - Gnosis
8. Lex's polo mallet, which he shows Clark, leading to much fondling on both their parts (fondling of the mallet, that is, or at least that's all we'd get onscreen). Later Lionel pays a visit and starts playing with the mallet while Lex tries to act like he's not looking for an excuse to get it safely back in his own hands. - Jackbugger
7. Blue balls, heavy with subtext. - firestarter
6. A wooden post he picked up from the Kent farm on his way over. - madmouth
5. TW and JG finally get a scene together without the distraction of crowding reporters or snuggly Kent parents. Just them and MR in the library or some other space normally reserved for quality Clex alone time. Naturally Lionel is shooting Gayle Rays (tm HYPERfocussed) at Lex, so Clark shoots some at him, too. Lex is very busy eyef**king them both back. Then Lionel turns the Gayle Ray Gaze on Clark.... - Jackbugger
4. We have a scene in Lionel's Metropolis office. Lex barges into Lionel's private bathroom to find Lionel sloooowly, teasingly, squeezing a giant, spurty tube of extra thick...hair grooming product. - Minders
3. Lionel bursts in on the boys while their necking (I mean working on Clark's homework) in the library, wearing riding boots and britches, winging a riding crop, and asks, "Hi BOYS, I'm feeling FABulous this morning. Who's UP for a FAST gallop?" - TGC-64
2. Lionel's thick leather belt. WHOOPAH! - voodoogoddess
1. His very own line of phallic water bottles. Possibly Dasani, because he is Big Daddy. - Shy
10. War and a Piece - Jackbugger
9. Babes in Toyland - Thayli
8. The Catcher in the Pie - outside the box
7. Portrait of the Artist in a Young Farmboy by Alexander Luthor - Zanne
6. The Tenant of Luthor Hall - C.
5. A Massage and a Bottle - voodoogoddess
4. A Tale of Two Stiffies - joyfulgirl41
3. A Knight in Shining Tights - voodoogoddess
2. Moby Dick - Minders
1. The Catcher in the Thighs (Or The Ass) - Slashgirl
10. Napoleon's boney parts - Shy
9. Enlarged photocards from the first Olympics - voodoogoddess
8. Alexander's Family Jewels - firestarter
7. Liberace's Sequined Cock Ring - firestarter
6. Hitler's brain - i know Nothing! NOTHING!
5. The Great Pyramid. The tourism revenues are worth millions - C.
4. Don Juan's prized lambskin condom - Jackbugger
3. Adam and Eve's fig leaves - AmandaFM25
2. The tablets of the ten commandments. Lionel likes to tick them off as he breaks each one in turn. - emelerin
1. Atlantis - C.
10. So, have you ever walked in on Tom Welling while he was taking a shower? And if so, did you join him? Please describe the situation in great detail. - outside the box
9. We've all seen the clip where you goose Tom. Is his ass as firm as it looks? - C.
8. Has it been difficult for you to keep from rubbing your head? - Minders
7. Does the phrase "Watch the frog" pertain to your genitalia? - i know Nothing! NOTHING!
6. Is it difficult to exude charisma with inanimate objects (tm disbelief)? - Thayli
5. So, how much further does John Glover take the flirting when the cameras are off? - Jackbugger
4. So, you know, John Schneider recently came out of the fat closet...are there any closets you'd like to come out of? - AmandaFM25
3. Michael, how do you feel about the fact that many of your fans enjoy reading fanfic in which you are portrayed as either a lascivious gay man, or a giggly thirteen year old girl, and also, would you rather I seduced you now, or later? - adellyna
2. Who showed you how to sex up a bottle like that? - DCookKC
1. Spit or swallow? - Jackbugger
10. Leper_messiah - C.
9. CK_Lovah - isabou
8. parricide02 - Jackbugger
7. Fabulex - C.
6. [wishful thinking]Mr Weredonut[/wishful thinking] - Weredonut
5. DilloMaster - DCookKC
4. Sexy_Lexy - AlejandraDD
3. Ty_Nantastic - autumnyte
2. Alexander_the_FAB - AmandaFM25
1. Clarksucker - Jackbugger
10. Lionel is really Satan. And he's always trying to tempt Lex while the poor boy just wants to reedem himself. Think of the witty banter and innuendo. Nuff' said. (A la Brimstone) - Shy
9. Martha could host a cooking show and they could show her mad-cap family adventures after the show. Like that cancelled NBC series, Emeril. - edie22
8. One of Lex's minions at Cadmus develops a video game so addictively engaging people get stuck in the game world! (As seen in the Cronenberg film eXistenZ, episodes of Star Trek TNG and the X-Files I forget the titles of, and most recently in this week's Farscape ep John Quixote.) - Jackbugger
7. Lex loses his voice and must sleep with the prettiest woman in Smallville in order to get it back. As the whole town gathers outside the castle to see if he will actually suck it up and seduce Blana, Clark bursts in and convinces Lex that if he kisses him, he can give him his voice back. Original source: Northern Exposure - AmandaFM25
6. Clark discovers Lex has made a Clarkbot to service him sexually. As seen on Buffy, with a variation on theme currently playing in Miss Anvil. - DCookKC
5. The idea is from Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream with Lionel as the King of the Fairies. Bo is his queen, Titania. Clark, Lex, Chloe, and Lana, for lack a another good female character, are the 2 pairs of lovers. Dominick is the mischeivious Puck who annoints the eyes of the wrong lovers. In the end Clex and Chlana are all happily wed together, and we find out it could have just been a dream. It's a great mental image. - Thayli
4. A practical joker places a false ad in the paper, announcing the engagement of Clark and Lex. They run around trying to discover who did it, all the while trying to appease their parents and prove that they aren't even dating. Because of all the time they spend together, they fall in love. From Robertson Davies' Leaven of Malice - C.
3. A sexually ambiguous omnipotent being appears in Lex's study. (And from then on, at least once a season during sweeps.) (And on any spinoffs that there might be.) He both intrigues and frustrates Lex by making impossible things happen (i.e., Lionel powerless, Lex all-powerful, naked farmboys in compromising positions) and by showing him a future in which the destruction of the world is all Lex's fault if he doesn't solve a complicated time-travel dilemma. - Minders
2. A freak accident at the Talon causes Lana and Lex to get body-switched. Lana (as Lex) screws up at the plant and incurs Lionel's wrath. Lex (as Lana) fucks Clark senseless. -- X-Files season 6 - AmandaFM25
1. Chloe, frustrated at all the attention Clark is paying Lex, snarks "Fine. If Lex is so important why doesn't he just marry him?" Little does she know that some meteor induced something or other makes what she says come true. So Clark and Lex, under the Krypto-spell get engaged and start making out all over the place, much to the dismay of Bo, who becomes blind for the epsode, because Chloe says Bo can't "see" what's going on. She also says that Lana is a meteor-mutant magnet, causing all the meteor mutants to come attack Lana. The Smallville Scooby gang has to solve the mystery while trying (unsuccessfully) to pry Clark and Lex apart. From Buffy "Something Blue" - joyfulgirl41
