Top Ten Anagrams for Smallville - i know Nothing! NOTHING!

10. Lionel Luthor = HELL LOIN TOUR - AlejandraDD
  9. Pete Ross: pose rest (stage direction); eros pest (mackin' on the chix); rose pest (to describe Amy's brother) - firestarter
  8. Principal Kwan: A PLAN PRICK WIN; CLAW NAPKIN RIP; or the best of all: CLARK NAP WIN PI (Yay, Pie!) - autumnyte
  7. Anagram for Mike Rosenbaum (the name Michael Rosenbaum was to long...) ABUSE MEN RIM OK! - isabou
  6. Martha Kent--Market N Hat, Tenth Ark Ma - phantom_minuet
  5. Anagram for Lilian Luthor: Hi, I'll run a lot... - isabou
  4. Anagram for Allison Mack: Also can milk; Also man lick - isabou
  3. Roger Nixon: REX GROIN NO - voodoogoddess
  2. Superman: ram pen us (if you don't get it trying saying the last to together) - greenman
  1. Alexander Luthor: LANA DO EXERT HURL - Lex&Clark4ever

The Top Ten Smallville Prank Telephone Calls - Shy

10.
  • Clark: (breathes heavily into phone)
  • Lex: Clark, quit messing around and come over already. - Minders

  9.
  • Lex: (disguising his voice) Mrs. Kent, this is the Acme Glass Co. The ceiling mirror your husband ordered is in, and we need directions to make delivery.
  • Clark: (whispering in his ear) Why would anyone want...oh. Ewww. - phantom_minuet

  8.
  • Chloe: (disguising voice) "Hi, this is Pete Ross, and I-"
  • Lana: "Pete Ross? Who's Pete Ross?"
  • Chloe: "You know, Pete Ross! Smallville's resident ladies man, creamed corn man, and witty raconteur."
  • Lana: "I don't know any Pete Ross, but did you know that my parents were smushed by a meteor when I was little and-"
  • Chloe: "Oh, for the love of-" ::hangs up:: - outside the box

  7.
  • Closest Dodge Truck Dealership Salesperson, calling Whitney: "Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Ford Motor Company. It's come to our attention that you have a tendency to be in...some unfortunate accidents. While we understand that you are not...at fault..., we feel that your streak of bad luck is besmirching our good reputation. Therefore, we have instructed the local Ford Dealers within a 100 mile radius of Smallville to block the sales of any more trucks to you or your family."
  • Whitney: Goddamnit - disbelief

  6.
  • Lionel: Yes, what is it?
  • Martha: Hello Mr Luthor. I'm representing the Metropolis branch of the Make a Wish Foundation, and your son is receiving our Humanitarian of the Year Award. Would you care to make a statement for our annual report? - C.

  5. Prank Phone Call To The Talon:
  • Lana: "Hello. Talon. Lana speaking!"
  • Prank Caller: "Yeah, is Boring there? Last name Personality.
  • Lana (shouts out): "BORING PERSONALITY! HEY, DO I HAVE A BORING PERSONALITY IN HERE...wait a minute...alright listen you little punks, I swear to God if I find out who you are I'm going to crush you like you were my parents!" *click* Lex hangs up the phone and he and Clark start laughing.... - Bulletproof Monk

  4.
  • Whitney: Good morning, Fordman's Department Store.
  • Clark: **trying not to giggle** Do you have Prince Albert in a can?
  • Whitney: In a can, no. In my pants, yes.
  • Clark: Well, you'd better let him ou-- **pause** What?
  • Lex: **sigh** Farm boys. - phantom_minuet

  3.
  • Clark: Um, Kentucky Fried Chicken? How big are your breasts?
  • Lex: Actually, I'm fresh out of breasts. But you can come sample my thighs anytime.
  • Clark: *thud* - autumnyte

  2.
  • Telemarketer: Hello, I'm calling from Ameritech. Would you be interested in our long-distance phone plan?
  • Clark: How long is long distance, exactly? Like, can you make a phone call to the other side of the galaxy?
  • Telemarketer: :::blink::: - kleenexwoman

  1.
  • Bo: Hello?
  • The Cows: Moo-ister Kent, are your cows feeding themselves?
  • Bo: (Offended) Of course not....
  • Bo goes and looks out the window. Cows run back to the field and don't eat. Bo heads back to the phone.
  • Bo: What a silly question...hello?
  • The Cows: Oh, moo-my! Are you sure?
  • Bo checks again. The Cows still don't eat.
  • Bo: (getting annoyed) Yes, I'm sure!
  • The Cows: Could you check one last time?
  • Bo: Fine!
  • Bo goes to the porch and the cows are standing out in the front.
  • The Cows (together): WELL, YOU BETTER GO OUT AND FEED THEM! - Shy

Lionel's Top Ten Embellished Stories (because Luthors never brag) - Shy

10. They SAY it took SEVen days to creATE the world, but really, it only took me FIVE. I spent the OTHer two getting my hair PERfect. - Minders
  9. Luthor Corp. Tower is a magnificent work of architecture isn't it? The builders were inspired by me. - C.
  8. "...and after we finished our bout of lustful passion, Victoria said I was the best she ever had. She must have had two...oh, hell more like eight...orgasms while we were having the monkey sex while hanging from the chandelier....oh, but look at me prattle on when its Thanksgiving dinner and we have guests. Lex, would you like to say grace, if the Kents don't mind of course...." - Bulletproof Monk
  7. ArmaDILlo?! Mine is MOre like a TEXas longHORN, LEX! - firestarter
  6. Your friendship means a lot to me, Clark. No, really, a great deal. Lots. A very big lot. Did I ever tell you about my horrendous childhood? It was unbelievably bad....[four hour exposition cut for sake of bandwidth] - suzycat
  5.
  • "You've heard of Black Monday?"
  • "Yes."
  • "That was mine. What about the collapse of the Japanese economy?"
  • "What about it?"
  • "Mine, too. The weak Canadian dollar?"
  • "You don't mean...?"
  • "Yes. Didn't even break a sweat on that one. The emerging Argentine crisis, the economic time bomb in North Korea, the devalued peso, vanilla Coke? All mine." - phantom_minuet
      •   4. *while running his fingers through his hair* "You know L'Oreal For Men keeps on asking me to do a commercial becuase I'm well, perfect. But I don't *need* any dyes or Rogaine, so why should I pretend to?" - soapy
        3. I singlehandedly introduced the world of hot! gay! sex to Smallville, Kansas. What did YOU do last night? - adellyna
        2. "I am responsible for the proliferation of SUV's, and soon the ANWR will be mine!" - phantom_minuet
        1. "I'm the one, you know, who gave little Billy Gates not only the idea for a software monopoly that encompasses the world, but also the name: DOORS! And he had the temerity to reject that beautiful name!" - i know Nothing! NOTHING!

Top Ten Rejected Names for the SMALLVILLE Movie - i know Nothing! NOTHING!

10. lex, guys and videotape - Zev
  9. Slashville - BlueFroggy
  8. LexLexLex or Triple Lex - outside the box
  7. GoldenBuckEye - Clari Clyde
  6. Riding in Cars with Lex - C.
  5. The Magnificent Bastard and Son - Slashgirl
  4. Big Blue Crush - Slashgirl
  3. The Bald and the Beautiful - Lex&Clark4ever
  2. Looking for Mr. Clarkbar - autumnyte
  1. Minority Report, starring Pete. - firestarter

Top Ten Rejected Slogans for the Smallville Sign - firestarter

10. Smallville - Safest City in Kansas! - firestarter
  9. Smallville - The most normal place in the world - BlueFroggy
  8. Smallville - We're straight - BlueFroggy
  7. Smallville: Not as scary as Children of the Corn! - autumnyte
  6. Smallville - Platitude Capital of the World - Lex&Clark4ever
  5. Smallville - Where the Cows Don't Feed Themselves - Lex&Clark4ever
  4. Smallville - Anvil Capital of the World! - outside the box
  3. Smallville - The Place where the Langs are Alive! - Cynthia187
  2. Smallville - What superstrong gay aliens? - Grey Roses
  1. Smallville - Yay!Cowpie! - Grey Roses

Top Ten Things the Cast Members Think after They Watch the Show - Grey Roses

10. Sam Jones - "I've got to get me a better agent." - firestarter
  9. Michael Rosenbaum - Man, I really do look like I wanna blow him. - Cynthia187
  8. Tom Welling - "I'm pretty." - DCookKC
  7. Allison Mack - "God, who thought I'd look good in that?" - C.
  6. Kristin Kreuk--"Damn, Tom's prettier than I am!" - phantom_minuet
  5. John Schneider, "God I hope no queers are getting off on how hot I look." - firestarter
  4. John Glover, "God I hope a lot of queers are getting off on how hot I look!" - firestarter
  3. MR: Oh! So THAT'S what they mean on TWoP when they say the subtext is so obvious, it's almost text! - isabou
  2. Millar and Gough: Man! That Hoyay is so subtle, no one will ever catch on! No no, WB people, there is no homoerotic subtext in Smallville.... - isabou
  1. Annette O'Toole--"Twenty years later, and I can still do a better Lana Lang than Kristin. And I wonder if anyone else has noticed how much she looks like Princess Tiger Lily?" - phantom_minuet

Top Ten Distant Luthor Relatives You Don't Want to Mess With - Shy

10. Martha "Magnificent Bitch Luthor" Stewart: Admired for her cold heartedness, but stays too close to the spotlight for the family's tastes. Now a laughing stock for being so stupid as to get caught. - Shy
  9. Cooper Rique Luthor (from the Anvil universe) - Cynthia187
  8. What about Julian??? (From the Anvil Universe too!!!) - lex'sbabe
  7. OrenLuthor J. Simpson (O.J.) - lala69
  6. Osama Bin Luthor - lala69
  5. Michael Luthor Eisner--A powerhouse in the Luthor clan, having captured the minds, libidos and pocketbooks of an entire generation. Greatest achievement--the development of advanced animatronic engineering that produced Britney Spears, 'N Sync, and O-Town. - phantom_minuet
  4. Snoop Lutha Dogg - i know Nothing! NOTHING!
  3. Lionel Luthor Ritchie--Named after his first cousin, he eventually dropped the Luthor so his popstar name would sound "snappier". An evil mastermind, his creations that some call 'songs', still haunt and torture millions. - autumnyte
  2. I am a Luthor by marriage, it's always about us! - mrslexluthor
  1. Bill Luthor Clinton: He liked to screw people over in more than one way...A bastard Luthor in his own right, but seen as trailer trash because he has no class. If you're going to screw someone over, DO it BIg and in STYle. (The Luthor alma mater) - Shy

Top Ten Ways Martha Can Put the Spice back into Her Marriage - Shy

10. Eliminate adversaries. (Bessie's for dinner!) - Shy
  9. Get creative with the corn cobs! - autumnyte
  8. Find Hamilton in Cadmus Labs (or wherever he is) and ask him for the nicodemus. This way, she could get all the lovin' she wants. - lex'sbabe
  7. Umm...blackberries? (Sorry, too much fanfic reading) - AlejandraDD
  6. Bring Nell over for a three way - Gnosis
  5. A leather bustier and stiletto heels...if she can find them in Jonathan's size. - phantom_minuet
  4. Bug the barn. It's inappropriate, dirty and wrong, but those boys just sound so hot together.... - suzycat
  3. More pie. Yay!Pie! - outside the box
  2. Threesome with Lionel. - autumnyte
  1. Two Words: Spaceship Sex - Gnosis

Top Ten Things Overheard at Clark, Chloe, Lana and Pete's Ten Year High School Reunion - Gnosis

10. Is it just me or does Clark look different? - spikey 72202
  9. There sure aren't many of us left, are there? - C.
  8. :::whispering::: Did you hear about Clark Kent? He's turned into a pervert who likes to hang out in phone booths. - kleenexwoman
  7. (from Pete) "..." - Weredonut
  6. "Did you hear that Clark and Lex are now mortal enemies? Suurre they are." - Lex&Clark4ever
  5. "Did you hear about Lana Lang's parents? Apparently, they were killed in the meteor shower when we were just kids. Why didn't anyone ever tell me?" - Minders
  4. "Why did anybody graduate? We never even showed up for class...." - Shy
  3.
  • "Hey, where's Phil?"
  • "Remember? He turned into a mutant and kindapped Lana Lang."
  • "Oh yeah. Um...why isn't Joe here?"
  • "Jeez, don't you remember high school at all? Same story, except this time he followed Lana Lang around all the time."
  • "And what about...."
  • "Krypo-Freak."
  • "You didn't let me finish!"
  • "Yeah, but I'm sure he/she was a Krypto-Freak, and probably stole Lana's necklace and Clark probably threw him into a wall." - outside the box

  2.
  • Chloe: Hey Pete, where's Clark? I'd really like to talk to him.
  • Pete: Dude, didn't you hear? Clark's gay. He's been gay the whole time.
  • Chloe: Are you serious?! Who else knew this?
  • Everyone raises their hands.
  • Chloe: Damn.... - Grey Roses

  1.
  • "I heard the elder Kent had a heart attack."
  • "Yeah, pretty sad. He walked out to the field one day...and saw the cows feed themselves...." - Shy

Top Ten Reasons Lex is Clark's Perfect *ahem* Archvillain - Shy

10. Because everyone knows that sexual tension is redirected as aggression. - AmandaFM25
  9. Because from love to hate there is just one step. - lex'sbabe
  8. Because fighting in public is better than fighting in the bedroom. - Jennifus
  7. They do it for the make-up sex. - firestarter
  6. Because Lex knows all the sensitive parts of Clark's body. - outside the box
  5. Because it's heartbreaking and terrible and amazing and the best story every told? - emelerin
  4. Because you always hurt the one you love. - phantom_minuet
  3. It's Kansas, how else are they going to touch each other legally? - C.
  2. Because if you keep your friends close, and your enemies closer, imagine what you do with your archnemesis. - autumnyte
  1. How else would they manage to see each other with such busy schedules...? - Shy

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