Top Ten Ways to Get Lex to Give You a Ride in his Car - Starcat
Top Ten Excerpts from the Entry on "Planet Krypton" in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - kleenexwoman
Top Ten Changes The New Principal is Going to Make - Coriolanus
Extra: No preternaturally pretty people may swim in the school pool during school hours, unless accompanied by anyone in flannel. - mrslexluthor
Top Ten Excuses for Being Absent for Class - mrslexluthor
Top Ten Crossovers You'd Most Want to See on Smallville - stargurl
Top Ten Crossovers We'd LEAST Like to See - Elrond50
10. Tell him you know a man who saw a spaceship crash in a field. - marysia
9. Wear plaid - wileykit666
8. Have him crash into you. - marshman98
7. Offer him the secret to destroying his father. - Elrond50
6. Make with the eye-fucks. - outside the box
5. Just sit in it and refuse to leave. Hell, at worst he'll have to *manhandle* you out of it (fans self, faints) - suzycat
4. Massage - Funky Chicken of Death
3. Lower your eyelids and look at him bashfully through your pretty pretty lashes. - Tall Poppy
2. Offer him some "organic produce." - Funky Chicken of Death
1. Beg and plead. - kleenexwoman
10. "Since the planet was demolished in the Great Galactic Highway Project of '38, it has been rendered mostly harmless. Unfortunately, huge chunks of the planet are now hurtling through space at hundreds of thousands of miles per second, and these chunks tend to cause horrible mutations in any being who might encounter them. Unless you're actually from the plant Krypton, in which case they will probably kill you." - VeryBerry
9. The inhabitants of Krypton are uniformly green and horrible, unless they have been transplanted to a planet with a yellow sun. In these cases, they grow up preternaturally good-looking, with a tendency to flush appealingly under duress, and are wicked and flagrant bisexuals. - suzycat
8. The planet Krypton is populated entirely by male models all rendered powerless by the planet itself. If inhabitants are removed to solar systems with yellow suns, they become strong, gay and have to power to woo men with little or no hair. - Starcat
7. The inhabitants of Krypton have a unique conversational rhythm. Rather than say "Hello", they will just state each other's names, and they never say goodbye. Rather they look down, and to the side, and wait until nobody's looking before they finally take their leave. Also, they have developed the ability to convey a huge range of emotions using only their eyebrows. - wileykit666
6. While there, try the famous Kryptonian House of Pancakes. The history of this restaurant chain is gruesome by a few planets' standards, what with the Kryptonians sending their own children to other planets dragging meteor rocks that smash the planets' inhabitants and all, but you'll forget all about it once you take a bite. The Lang special is especially good with a blend of Earth's best cheeses. - waitress to the cows
5. Krypton was most notable for the paranoid, hysterical fantasies of its residents. Roughly every ten years the Kryptonians would become convinced that the apocalyptic destruction of their planet was imminent and would jettison their children in the hopes that the children would survive to conquer neighboring planets. Proving the old adage that just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you, Krypton actually was destroyed in a rain of fiery death fifteen years ago. Ironically, when the actual apocalypse did arrive only one couple had the presence of mind to ship off their son. - PunPunPun
4. Kryptonians are notable for their Messianic complexes. They have a remarkable belief in their manifest destiny to save the universe. This can be carried to extremes. For example, when the Planet of Krypton blew up, one Kryptonian sent his baby son off in a spaceship to another planet, where he could be a Superhero. This leads one to believe that Kryptonians are not the most logical of races, as that would not be the one thing I would do if my planet were to blow up. - JenHall
3. Kryptonians do not like peas. They hold annual pea-squashing contests, and extensive research was undertaken in the late 20th Century with a view to eliminating them from the planet forever. Unfortunately they misjudged the amount of Acme blasting powder they would need and blew the planet up. It is not yet established why they would send their only available rescue ship to a planet that somewhat resembles the reviled legume. - wileykit666
2. Kryptonians were renowned practical jokers. Not only was it not illegal to scream fire in a crowded theater it was encouraged. This was particurlarly true among the scientists. One scientist, Izmo Doid, said there was going to be a massive flood and they evacuated a whole island with 50 million people. Afterwards Izmo said "SIKE!" and laughed hysterically. Kryptonians being a comepetitive lot tried constantly to one up him. Finally Kal El told everyone that the planet was going to explode which brought about hysterical laughter. Kal El said "NO! IT IS GOING TO EXPLODE!" and the kryptonians laughed until drool was on the floor and several of them actually wet their pants. Kal El then resolved to send his child to another planet and to try and send him to the least humorous most serious couple he could imagine. He couldn't believe his good fortune when he found John and Martha Kent on earth. - Coriolanus
1. All the inhabitants of Krypton have preternaturally dazzling teeth. - suzycat
10. No mutations till after school lets out - Coriolanus
9. Students must attend class, coffee shop ownership notwithstanding. - psiren
8. Pink eyeshadow is not to be worn on campus. Not even if you're preternatural. And male. - wileykit666
7. NO trucks...that includes everyone!! (not after Whitnips) - Tonicat
6. Even though the school does need a new computer system, hot gay monkey sex in the Talon office will now be strictly forbidden. Unless of course they take extensive pictures. - Coriolanus
5. Fire Extinguishers in the Football coach's office will be checked regularly to be sure they are up to code and everyone knows how to use them. - edie22
4. All students will be required to attend a session with the new guidance counsellor, one Miss Anvil. - wileykit666
3. All students are required to attend class, PERIOD. - Elrond50
2. Skipping off class to save Smallville from impending doom is strictly forbidden. As is skipping off class to visit large, crumbling Scottish castles and play pool. - suzycat
1. Due to the new sponsorship of our friends at LuthorCorp, hot gay monkey sex is now allowed at the Talon office. Extensive pictures optional but encouraged. - Bulletproof Monk
10. My truck blew up - disbelief
9. I had to feed the cows. - psiren
8. I remember seeing this green meteor rock and then.... - raeblackman
7. My b... er, Lex Luthor was teaching me how to, um, play pool? You know? - JenHall
6. I was kidnapped by a fellow student who turned out to be a FREAK! - Elrond50
5. There was corn to be creamed. - Starcat
4. I have issues. My parents were killed by a random act of god. - raeblackman
3. I had to go run my coffee shop. - ZigStar
2. I had to go feed the weasels. - Clark'N'Lana4Ever!!!!!
1. I had to go advertise face soap. - stargurl
10. Witchblade. I want Lex to meet Kenneth Irons. - Cynthia187
9. Sally Jesse Raphael: My Child is A Gay Alien Freak and It's Breaking My Heart! Ma Kent outs Clark and Lex in front of Jonathan, Chloe and Lana and a seething studio audience of rednecks who always did think that Clark Kent looked kinda Mexican. - suzycat
8. Buffy. I really want Clark and Buffy to meet and I want Willow and Chloe to meet and I want Lex and Spike to meet and .....too bad Cordy isn't on the show. - Lexual Healing
7. ER. The doctors worry at the repeated head trauma so obvious in Lex's x-rays. - Starcat
6. Gilmore Girls, Lorelei can show these guys what parents should be like, and can you imagine the dialogue? - Thayli
5. Queer As Folk. I want Lex and Brian to meet. Brian thinks he's cool and unflappable. Ha! Clark will show Justin how to really wrap your boyfriend around your little finger. - JenHall
4. Brideshead Revisited. Clark and Lex convince Sebastian to get his head out of his a** and embrace homosexuality without drinking himself to death at the same time. Sebastian introduces the Clex to some of the more obscure Greek texts, and forces them to drink lots of now-lost-for-all-eternity pre WWI wines. - suzycat
3. The Vampire Lestat (Queen of the Damned version) - Rhiannonhero
2. Roswell - Clark and Max can have a guilt-over-ruining-people's-lives competition, Lex can educate Michael on his choice of haircut, and we can see if Lana's wooden acting power beats Liz' metal-robot-power. - Tall Poppy
1. The X-Files...Cancer Man sends Krycek out to investigate the goings on in Smallville. Lex meets a potential treasure trove of information. Oh, Mulder gets wind and meets Clark but Bo shoots him for being a Fed. (Season 2 or 3XF.) - Elrond50
10. Lex as a contestant on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire. - Cynthia187
9. Lana on the Real World. Although watching the roommates go after her for constantly whining about her parents would be kind of entertaining. - anotherguitarchick
8. Dharma and Greg: in which Clark and Lana (ew ewewew) become their new kooky next door neighbours and they share kooky goings-on. Complete absence of Lex. Bleargh. - suzycat
7. Sex and the City: Lana discussing her sex life. Eww - AlejandraDD
6. Coronation Street. Clark and Lex must battle the combined evil that is... the Rovers' Regulars!
On second thoughts the idea of Vera sitting them down for a nice cup of tea and asking them all sorts of personal questions is rather amusing.
- suzycat
5. OZ because that would mean I've died and gone straight to my heaven. - Fleegull
4. Passions - Bo is really Sam's long-lost brother, Dave, who once had an affair with Grace before getting amnesia and falling in love with Martha. Sheridan recovers memories from a past life in the Old West where Chloe was her younger sister Molly and where Luis was the brave sheriff who died in a gunfight over a crooked card game run by Brian, leaving Deputy Whitney in charge. Julian Crane is back from the dead with a hook and an eyepatch, and he and Lionel have so much fun sneering and making bitchy remarks at each other that they run away to Barbados. Timmy gets a crush on Lex and follows him around until Lex snaps and crushes him with the Ferrari, causing Tabitha to blow up the fertilizer plant as revenge. Lex is so happy he hires Tabby to run his security. Zombie Charity kidnaps Clark and Miguel tries to rescue him, but is eaten by... um... wolves before he can. Pete turns out to be TC and Eve's son, abandoned years before, but no one is surprised since there are only, like, six African-Americans in town and they're all related anyway. Theresa and Lana whine, whine, whine but nobody cares. - justjoan
3. Dawson's Creek, cause who needs all that pointless teenage angst and... What? - slodwick
2. Oops. No number two.
1. The Man Show - wileykit666
