Josh: Are his glands swollen?
CJ: Damn.
Josh: What.
CJ.: You know what I forgot to do today?
Josh: What?
CJ: Feel the President's glands.

Bartlet: And I see we're spelling "hallowed" with a pound sign in the middle.
Sam: We'll fix that.
Bartlet: The pound sign is silent?

Bartlet: I came to this hal£owed chamber one year ago on a mission: to restore the American Dream for all our people, as we gaze at the vast horizon of possibilities open to us in the 321st century. Wow that was ambitious of me, wasn't it.

Bartlet: We meant "stronger" here, right?
Sam: What does it say?
Bartlet: "I'm proud to report our country's stranger than it was a year ago"?
Sam: That's a typo.
Bartlet: Could go either way.

Bartlet: Is it possible I'm taking something called "euthanasia"?
Sam: Echinacea?
Bartlet: That sounds more like it.

Bartlet: I'm taking pills, CJ.
CJ: Are you actually taking them or are you just carrying them around in your pocket?
Bartlet: You know carrying them around in my pocket was a pretty big step for me.

Toby: You don't look so good.
Bartlet: Well I'm gazing into the 321st century, man, there's a lot on my mind.

Mandy: CJ it wouldn't kill you to be a little friendlier to him.
CJ: It doesn't seem to kill you.
Mandy: CJ.
CJ: What do you need?
Mandy: Are you kidding me?
CJ: Yes.
Mandy: CJ.
CJ: I was kidding.
Mandy: You sounded serious.
CJ: I'm very dry.

Bartlet: I could jump you right now.
Abigail: I could kill you right now.
Bartlet: My thing's more fun.

Bartlet: You know, I was watching a television program before with a sort of a roving moderator who spoke to a seated panel of young women who were having some sort of problem with thier boyfriend, apparently becuase the boyfriends had all slept with the girlfriends' mothers. Then they brought the boyfriends out and they all fought right there on television. Tell me Toby, these people don't vote do they?

Abigail: I want to take your temperature.
Bartlet: You've taken it 14 times in the last three hours. You're not taking it again.
Abigail: Oh fine.
Bartlet: At least not with a thermometer.
Abigail: Jed.
Bartlet: I'm saying if you want to take it recreationally...
Abigail: There's nothing wrong with you, you know that?
Bartlet: Yes I do.
Abigail: Why is hallowed spelled with a pound sign in the middle?
Bartlet: I stopped asking those questions.

Sam: I'm saying we're 44 hours away from the State of the Union and he doesn't look so good.

Josh: (to Donna) Be sweet to Margaret and Leo today. This may not be the worst day of their lives but it's got to be in the top five.

Leo: Your job isn't to protect me, Sam. It's to protect the President. . . . Do me a favor, Sam, and don't show initiative. Don't rush to my defense. I don't want to see you on 'Crossfire'. I don't want to see you on 'Larry King'. I don't want to read your name in Newsweek unless it's in advocacy of the President's agenda. I go down, I go down. I'm not taking anyone with me. Is that clear?

Sam: Leo's going to kill us.
Josh: I don't care, do you?
Sam: No.

Leo: What should I know that I don't know. . . . This is me. This has happened before. . . . I see you prescribing medication.
Abby: Multiple Sclerosis..... A fever could be life threatening.

Bartlet: Normal life expectency. Recover fully after an attack. Fever and stress are two things tend to bring on an attack.
Leo: Well, you're President of the United States. You're delivering a State of the Union address tomorrow night. India and Pakistan are pointing nuclear weapons at each other. And you have a 102° fever. So, I guess we're out of the woods. . . . Jed, all the things you could have kept from me. . . .
Bartlet: You haven't called me Jed since I was elected.
Leo: Why didn't you tell me?
Bartlet: Cause I wanted to be the president.
Leo: It wouldn't have stopped me from getting you here. And I could have been a friend.
Bartlet: You've been a friend.
Leo: But when it was time to really....
Bartlet: I know.
Leo: When I was lying on my face in the motel parking lot you were the one I called.
Bartlet: When you stood up there today I was so proud. I wanted to be with you. I tried to get up and I fell back down again.
Leo: I know the feeling.

Toby: Government can be a place where people come together and no one gets left behind.

Bartlet: If anything happens. . . . You got a best friend?
Sec. of Agriculture: Yes, sir.
Bartlet: Is he smarter than you?
Sec. of Agriculture: Yes sir.
Bartlet: Would you trust him with your life?
Sec. of Agriculture: Yes sir.
Bartlet: That's your chief of staff.

Josh: Whoa.
Bartlet: Just a little joke.
Toby: You're a real cut up there, Mr. President.
Bartlet: 101.9 and I still got it.
Sam: Yes, indeed, sir.