Bartlet: Can we get this godforsaken event over with so I can get back to presiding over a civilization gone to hell in a handcart?

Mrs. Landingham: You're not getting enough ruffage in your diet, you know I'm right about that.
Bartlet: I know I'd like to beat you senseless with a head of cabbabe, I know that for damn sure.
Mrs. Landingham: Once again you display an immaturity about vegetable that I think is not at all presidential.

Bartlet: Why aren't they here right now?
Charlie: They didn't know that it was raining, sir.
Bartlet: Nothing like surrounding yourself with the best and the brightest, Charlie.

Bartlet: You didn't know it was raining?
Toby: To our credit, sir, we knew it was raining once it started to rain.

Bartlet: CJ, you taller than you usually are?
CJ: No, sir, I'm my usual height.

Bartlet: Couldn't pick a trout out of a police lineup, by the way.

Sam: Dammit!
Leo: What?
Sam: I forgot to do something.
Bartlet: (starting his speech, which was moved indoors:) As I look out over this magnificent vista...

CJ: The theme of this year's event is Learning is Delightful and Delicious, as, by the way, am I.

CJ: I've hung with some of the cats from the American Egg Board, and they are party people.

CJ: You hear anything more you'll tell me first?
Steve: If I find anything more I'll tell my editor first.
CJ: I keep forgetting you don't work for me.
Steve: Yes you do.

Leo: Oh Margaret, Margaret -- I'm sorry, I'm going to have to -- I hung in there as long as I could, but you long since passed the point when I stopped caring. If you're curious it was right around raisin muffin.

Jerry: I like it when Josh comes up here and teaches us a lesson we so richly deserve.

Mrs. Landingham: I'm going to lunch, Charlie.
Charlie: Speaking of lunch.
Mrs. Landingham: Yes.
Charlie: The President's not too wild about his.
Mrs. Landingham: What's the nature of his dissatisfaction?
Charlie: He says it's made almost entirely of vegetables.
Mrs. Landingham: Yes, it's a salad, Charlie.
Charlie: The President would prefer a sandwich. He said roast beef would be fine, pastrami, sliced steak...
Mrs. Landingham: Charlie, tell the President he will eat his salad and if he doesn't like it he knows where to put his salad.
Charlie: Well I don't think I will tell the President that, Mrs. Landingham, but I appreciate your help.
Mrs. Landingham: You bet.

Sam: 271 [discharges of homosexuals] during basic training at Lackland Air Force Base. 271 in basic training.
Toby: Major, what the hell is going on at Lackland Air Force Base?
Major: I don't like your sense of humor.
Toby: I get that a lot.

Josh: Our second year doesn't seem to be going a whole lot better than our first, does it?
Toby: No.

Donna: Why is everyone walking around like they know they've already lost?

Fitzwallace: I'm an Admiral in the US Navy and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Beat that with a stick.

Margaret: I was simply informing the others that the calorie count in the raisin muffin is wrong, and it is, Toby. You don't believe me. You should take one of those muffins and, you know, take it down to the lab.
Toby: I'll do that.
Margaret: Will you?
Toby: Get me a muffin. Careful not to handle it yourself; you want to use gloves. Slip it to me in a plastic bag, I'll send it in to the lab.
Margaret: You're mocking me now, aren't you?
Toby: Yes.

Leo: We dropped five points in a week?
Toby: Yeah.
Leo: We didn't do anything last week.
Toby: I'll say.

Bartlet: Just once in this job I'd like to end a day feeling as good as I did when the day started.

Bartlet: This is more important than reelection. I want to speak now.

Leo: If we're going to walk into walls I want us running into them full speed.

Leo: We're going to lose some of these battles. And we might even lose the White House. But we're not going to be threatened by issues. We're gonna put them front and center. We're going to raise the level of public debate in this country. And let that be our legacy.

Josh: I serve at the pleasure of the President of the United States.
CJ: I serve at the pleasure of the President.
Leo: What about you?
Sam: I serve at the pleasure of President Bartlet.
Leo: Toby?
Toby: I serve at the pleasure of the President.