Josh: It was stupid.
Leo: Damn straight.
Josh: I was right though.
Leo: Like I don't know that.

Laurie: Tell your friend POTUS he's got a funny name. And he should learn to ride a bicycle.
Sam: I would but he's not my friend, he's my boss. It's not his name, it's his title.
Laurie: POTUS?
Sam: President of the United States.

Leo: True or false, if I were to stand on high ground in Key West with a good pair of binoculars I'd be as informed as I am right now.
Josh: That's true.
Leo: The intelligence budget's money's well spent, isn't it?

Leo: He's a klutz, Mrs. Landingham, your president's a geek!

Toby: For God's sakes, forget about the journey. The voyage is not our problem.
CJ: What's our problem?
Toby: What to do when the Nina, the Pinta, and the Get Me the Hell Outta Here hit Miami.

Toby: You think the United States is under attack from 12,000 Cubans in rowboats.
Sam: I'm not saying I don't like our chances.
Toby: Mindboggling to me that we ever won an election.

Toby: I agree with Josh and I agree with C.J. and I agree with Sam. And you know how that makes me crazy.

Sam: Is that the same suit you wore yesterday?
Josh: Yeah. You?
Sam: Yeah.

Josh: You're dating Lloyd Russell.
Mandy: Yes.
Josh: Wow. That's great.
Mandy: Are you going to freak out?
Josh: No no no, not at all. I just thought he was gay.
Mandy: No you didn't.
Josh: I did.
Mandy: He's not gay.
Josh: Are you sure?
Mandy: Very sure.
Josh: He always seemed effeminate to me.
Mandy: He happens to be very athletic. Plenty masculine.
Josh: I think he's a woman.

(Sam tries to fake his way through an overview of the White House with a class of 4th graders)
Sam: The White House as you know was built several years ago, mostly, if I'm not mistaken, out of cement. The room we're in right now, the Roosevelt Room, is very famous. It is named after our 18th president, Franklin Delano Roosevelt. The chairs that you are sitting on today are fashioned from the lumber of a pirate ship, captured during the Spanish-American War --

Sam: Well this is bad on so many levels.

Van Dyke: Show the average American teenage male a condom and his mind will turn to thoughts of lust.
Toby: Show the average American teenage male a lug wrench and his mind will --
CJ: Toby.

Bartlet: I am the Lord, your God. Thou shalt worship no other God before me. Boy, those were the days, huh?

Bartlet: Break's over.

Bartlet: Mrs. Landingham, what's next?

(Donna comes into Josh's office carrying a cup of coffee)
Donna: You shouldn't have worn that tie on television. It bleeds.
Josh: I don't think it was the tie that got me in trouble.
Donna: Yeah, but I've told you a zillion times...
Josh: (Sees coffee.) What's that?
Donna: It's coffee.
Josh: I thought so.
Donna: I brought you some coffee.
Josh: What's going on, Donna?
Donna: Nothing's going on.
Josh: Donna...
Donna: I brought you coffee.
Josh: Close the door. (She does.) Donnatella Moss, when did you start working for me?
Donna: During the the campaign.
Josh: And how long have you been my assistant?
Donna: A year and a half.
Josh: And when's the last time you brought me a cup of coffee? (She thinks for a second.) It was never. You've never brought me a cup of coffee.
Donna: Well, if you're gonna make a big deal out of...
Josh: Donna, if I get fired, I get fired.
Donna: Do you think he's gonna do it?
Josh: (Pause) No. (Knocking)
Toby: (From outside the door) It's Toby.
Donna: You won that election for him. You and Leo and C.J. and Sam.
Toby: (Still outside the door) Open the damn door!
Donna: And him. (Walks towards door and opens it.)
Josh: Thanks for the coffee. (Donna continues out past Toby.)
Toby: Donna brought you coffee?
Donna: (From the hall) Shut up.

Josh: Lady the god you pray to is too busy being indicted for tax fraud.

Toby: We're flying in a Lockheed Eagle Series L10-11. Came off the line twenty months ago. Carries a Zim-5 transponder tracking system, and you're telling me I can still flummox this thing with something I bought at Radio Shack?

Mike: It's a nice morning, Mr. McGarry.
Leo: We'll take care of that in a hurry, won't we, Mike?
Mike: Yes, sir.

Leo: He was swerving to avoid a tree.
Donna:And what happened?
Leo: He was unsuccessful.

Leo: And tell them that Gaddhafi is spelled with an "h" and two "d's" and isn't a seven letter word for anything.
Margaret: Is this for real or just funny?
Leo: Apparently, it's neither.

Leo: Seventeen across is wrong... You're spelling his name wrong.... What's my name? My name doesn't matter. I'm just an ordinary citizen who relies on the Times crossword for stimulation. And I'm telling you that I've met the man twice and I've recommended a pre-emptive Exocet missile strike against his air force, so I think I know how...They hang up on me every time.
CJ: That's almost hard to believe. Mrs. Landingham: Have they done an x-ray?
Leo: Yep.
Mrs. Landinghamd: Is anything broken.
Leo: A $4000 Lynex, titanium touring bike that I swore I'd never lend anyone. Mrs. Landingham: I don't understand. How did he... Leo: He's a klutz, Mrs. Landingham. Your president's a geek.

Leo: He drove his bicycle into a tree, C.J, what do you want me... 'The President while riding his bicycle on his vacation in Jacksonhole came to a sudden arborial stop'. What do you want from me?
CJ: A little love, Leo.

Leo: What do you want from me?
CJ: A little love, Leo.

Bartlet: I want you all to get your fat asses out of my White House.