Josh: Hi, Senator. Why don't you take your legislative agenda and shove it up your ass?

Reporter: Looks like the President ate his Wheaties this morning.
CJ: Actually, the President had oatmeal this morning. He said it was something he always wanted to try.

Toby: Sam, you're going to come to a verb soon, right?
Sam: Okay, you know what this is called?
Toby: Bad writing?
Sam: Imagery.
Toby: Well, you say potato.

Toby: You know what state has a large population of Hispanics?
Josh: I want to say Maine, but, ah --
Toby: California.
Josh: California. Damn, and I was only off by a continent.

Toby: Anytime you want to use punctuation, that'd be fine.

Sam: Toby is this what you meant by "Sam, you're completely in charge of this"?
Toby: Yes, I meant you're completely in charge of this, in the sense that you're subordinate to me in every way.

Josh: This is my regular Tuesday suit.
Margaret: You assign your clothes days of the week?

Donna: I'm beginning to regret not getting the waffles.
Leo: I'm beginning to regret having hired any of you!... My point is: we have to make it through the week without making any mistakes. . .
Josh: . . .I'm saying calm down.

Leo: I'm perfectly calm!
Sam: You're not calm, Leo, you're acting like a nervous hoolelia.
Toby: A what?
Sam: It may not be a word; may just be something my mother used to say.

Sam: Al's Mr. good news, happy guy.

Charlie: She's a fine-lookin' woman, Josh.
Josh: Get away from me!

Toby: Science is science to everybody, Al.

CJ: Don't talk to me like that in front of people!
Danny: Look--
CJ: NO. I just got called amateur twice in ten seconds. The White House Chief of Staff can do it to me where ever he wants, you don't do it in front of people.
Danny: If I don't have access anymore, I don't have a job!
CJ: Well, I would think a man with your credentials-
Danny: Do you think I'm fooling around?
CJ: Do you think I am?
Danny: The memo was news
. CJ: Says you.
Danny: That's right, says me. Says me, says my editor, says every paper who picked up the next day. Says Times says Newsweek.
CJ: Congratulations, you're a movie star. You're also on the outside looking in for a while, so get used to it.
Danny: Used to it? I'm payed for it and what you don't understand-
CJ: DON'T tell me what I don't understand! I'm not in my freshman year anymore, I understand more than you think.

Steve: My boss is ready to set the building on fire.
Sam: Your boss will be arrested, as I'm quite sure that's against the law.

(Andy asks Toby to sit down on the picnic blanket with her)
Toby: I'm wearing a suit.
Andy: So am I.
Toby: I'm a responsible adult.
Andy: I'm a member of the United States' Congress.
Toby: I rest my case.

Sam: Do you mean he practiced upon my ...
Toby: ... Credulous simplicity?

Sam: I wanna tell the Senate Majority Leader that he can take his legislative agenda and stick it up his ass!
Josh: I already did that.

Bartlet: You know what I would like to have happen right now?
(Josh enters)
Bartlet: Josh coming into the room wasn't even close.

Toby: You call the First Lady Dr. Bartlet?
Bartlett: Just for the turn-on.

Bartlet: When you were married to her did you call her "Congresswoman Wyatt"?

Bartlet: My father was very fond the analogy of the Irish lads whose journey was blocked by a brick wall seemingly too high to scale. Throwing their caps over the wall the lads had no choice but to follow.

Sam: Does anyone remember that I was put in charge of this?
Leo: It was an honorary type of thing.

Toby: It's exactly the right thing to do.
Leo: From anyone except for me.

CJ: Leo's not comfortable with it. . . .
Mandy: I can be trusted.
CJ: We'll see. . . . There's plenty for you to do. Leo would feel more comfortable if you stayed out of . . . .

Josh: This is just the kind of dumb mistake we don't need right now.... All right. . . What you're going to do?

Leo: (to CJ) These amateur mistakes make me crazy.

Toby: Would you walk faster, please. I don't like being outdoors this long.

Leo: The President wants a lively debate. He wants to hear opposition. But he's not going to stomach hypocrisy. . . . We play the full nine innings at this level. . .

Toby: You went out on a date with the executive advisor for the Baltimore Orioles?
Congresswoman Wyatt: Toby, are you upset cause I went out on a date? Or are you upset that I went out on a date with someone who plays in the same division as the Yankees?
Toby: Honest to God, I'm not sure. . . .Just date the National League, would you?

Leo: I feel a little self-conscious coming down the mountain on drugs two months after I announced I was a recovering drug addict.

Bartlet :Guess what, mistakes are going to be made. Minimize them, fix them. Move on.... Listen to me. I have never lost an election in my life. We do this right and people are going to respond. . . . Mandy was doing her job. It's time to let her out of the dog house.
Leo: That's me.
Bartlet: She was doing her job. CJ, so was Danny.

Bartlet: I'm sleeping better. And when I sleep I dream of a great discussion with experts and ideas and diction and honesty. And when I wake up, I think: 'I can sell that.