Toby: Since when are you an expert on language?
CJ: In polling models?
Toby: Okay.
CJ: 1993. Since when are you an uptight pain in the ass?
Toby: Since long before that.

Haskell: Could I just get a glass of water?
Leo (opening door to Oval Office): Sure, we keep it in here.

Joey: It's almost hard to believe you're not married.
Josh: Ohh, many have tried!

Toby: The Federated States of Micronesia.
Sam: That's a real country?
Toby: It is.
Sam: Cause it sounds like somewhere the Marx Brothers would ...
Toby: It's a real country.

Bartlet: What do we do with him?
Sam: Make him the Ambassador to Paraguay.
Bartlet: What do we do with the Ambassador to Paraguay?
Sam: Make him Ambassador to Bulgaria.
Bartlet: I like this. We bump everybody up, and I can go home.

Bartlet: It's nice when we can do something for prostitutes once in a while.

Bartlet: He's a good man, he's a smart man, and I think he'd make a very good corporate officer.
Mitchell: Why's he being fired, sir?
Bartlet: Gross incompetence.

Cochran: I'd like to speak to your supervisor.
Charlie: Well, I'm Personal Aide to the President of the United States, so that means my supervisor's a little busy trying to find a back door to shove you out of.

Bartlet: You mocked my finely-honed sense!

Cochran: I think it would be appropriate at this time, Mr. President, to make a confession.
Bartlet: What's that?
Cochran: I never voted for you.
Bartlet: Well thanks for trying but here I am anyway. Gotta go!

Josh: Joey said you think there's only so many times you can go into the Oval Office and sing a song.
CJ: She said "sing a song"?

CJ: I was wrong. We went up nine points.

Toby: (to Sam) I should keep you on a leash, you know that...Ten foot chain around your neck, I bolt you to your desk, I have someone come in and feed you.

President: Toby, are you sticking up for Sam?
Toby: It's strange, sir, I know, but I'm feeling a sort of big-brotherly connection right now. You know, obviously, I'd like that feeling to go away as soon as possible.

Member of FEC: I gave those quotes on the condition of anonymity.
Leo: I know how you feel. I went to rehab on the condition of anonymity. Maybe you read about it in the papers. . . . You want to ban soft money. You're one of us. You've been outed.

Bartlet: A dress Marine guarding your door?
Leo: Too showy?
Bartlet: No. My thing is what's he suppose to be guarding right now.

Danny: But I don't count on everybody always understanding what the hell comes out of your mouth when I can't even do it half the time. And you can't stay mad at me forever.
CJ: Let's find out.

CJ: Leo, this is a small thing and I hate to bring it up.
Leo: What?
CJ: I was in with the President this morning, he mentioned that you told him that when you asked for predictions, everyone said we'd hold steady at 42.
Leo: Yeah?
CJ: But, I didn't say that. I said we'd go up five points.
Leo: I meant in general, on average.
CJ: Yeah.
Leo: C.J., like lopping off the score from the East German judge.
CJ: Leo, it wasn't woman's intuition. I think it's strange....
Leo: Don't read too much into it.
CJ: I'm saying it's strange my take wasn't....
Leo: I'm saying don't read too much into it. All right?

Sam: I've drafted a letter of resignation.
Toby: Well, you're not going to give it to him. . . Cause that would deny me the pleasure of throwing you out through a plate glass window.

Ken Cochran: I think it would be appropriate at this time, Mr. President, to make a confession.
Bartlet: What's that.
Cochran: I never voted for you.
Bartlet: Well, thanks for trying, but here I am anyway. Gotta go.