Bartlet: Now, I am an educated man, Charlie, but when somebody tries to explain cricket to me, all I want to do is hit them in the head with a teapot!

(After going through the halls, greeting several minor staffers)
Bartlet: Listen, have I gotten any of the names right so far? Charlie: No sir, but you came damn close on a couple of them.

Bartlet: And when I speak I should stand facing the audience, right? You know how I know this, C.J., 'cause I've done this two to three thousand times before.

Bartlet: I'm sorry, C.J., you said I have a pitcher of water and a drinking glass. And the water gets into the glass how?

Toby: It's a stealth fighter; it should have stealth capabilities, right?
Josh: Sure.
Toby: 'Cause if it doesn't we should call it something else.

Toby: Sam, if your ass isn't off my desk, and I mean stat...

Leo: What are you doing?
Josh: You looked like you wanted to hug me.
Leo: Man did you read that wrong.

(Zoey and Charlie enter Josh's office to talk. Josh enters while they're talking.)
Charlie: Zoey, I work in the White House with some of the smartest people in the world.
(Josh goes to sit down on his chair and falls on the floor)

Danny: CJ, I'm not staying in the penalty box forever. I have covered the White House for eight years and I've done it with the New York Times, the Washington Post, Time Magazine, and the Dallas Morning News! And I'm telling you you can't mess me around like this!
CJ: Danny, I just gotta tell you, that was -- seriously -- that was a turn-on when you said that, though I don't know why you decided to be your most haughty on the Dallas Morning News in that sentence.

Bartlet: You're not going to spoil my good time for me.
Mrs. Landingham: Oh, sir, I think we both know from experience that's not true.
Bartlet: Yeah.
Mrs. Landingham: You need to be in the car ten minutes ago, Mr. President.
Bartlet: Do you see me walking out the door?
Mrs. Landingham: No, I see you standing and arguing with a senior citizen.

CJ: I wasn't lying to the press on Pakistan India, I was lied to by you which made me look like an idiot.
Leo: Well, I'm not lying to you now. . .
CJ: We're going to pay a price for misleading the press.

Leo: Did you happen to say to him that if we got Scott Hoskins [the pilot down in Iraq] back there'd be a ten point bump.
Josh: I did.

Leo: I got to tell you if the President ever heard about that he'd be out of his skin. . . .Don't do that. . . . Not even in private. . . . The guy's been blown out of the sky. He could be seriously injured. For sure he's in an Iraqi desert with no water. He's got to keep radio silence cause we're not the only ones looking for him. . . . And if they get to him first and all he gives them is name, rank and serial number, they're going to beat him, Josh. They're going to torture him. This is to say nothing of 80 guys in the helicopter who are going to get shot at if they're picked up underneath the radar. . . . The President. . . he'd be really offended if he heard you were talking about a political upside. And I got to tell you, Josh, as a guy who flew planes in the war, I was really offended too.

Josh: You've had some experience battling Jed Bartlet when he's right and you've had some experience battling him when he's popular. Why in the world would you want to try it when he's both at the same time?

Josh: Donna?
Donna: Yeah?
Josh: Did you get me a meeting with the Vice President?
Donna: I did, but you're not going to be happy.
Josh: Jogging?
Donna: Yes.
Josh: We couldn't, this time, just sit in chairs.
Donna: Jogging at two, it's the only time he could fit you in.
Josh: Okay, order me some boiled chicken and some pasta. Nothing like a meeting you have to carb up for.