CJ: I thought it was inspired!
Toby: Why do you keep saying stuff like that?
CJ: Just to watch your face turn that color.

CJ: Do you think I have an unusually large neck?
Josh: What the hell?

Josh: I sense I'm being mocked.

Mandy: They're going to love you for being broke, Toby.
Toby: I found that. I found that women especially can't get enough of my 1993 Dodge Dart.

Sam: "Happy Days Are Here Again"?
Mandy: He likes it!
Sam: Who?
Mandy: The president.
Sam: We try to avoid having the president make aesthetic decisions.
Mandy: I made the decision.
Sam: Great. And I don't mean to step on your toes, but you might want to avoid marrying the line "Kids are dead! Kids are dead!" with "Happy Days Are Here Again".
Mandy: It's optimistic.

Bartlet: Toby!
Toby: Sir.
Bartlet: What did you think?
Toby: I thought my work was outstanding, sir.
Bartlet: I thought you would.
Toby: Thanks for asking. I couldn't help but notice, you got a little extemporaneous there in the D section.
Bartlet: Oh, you noticed, that, did you?
Toby: Yes sir.
Bartlet: Yes, I did a little polish right up there on my feet. Right in front of everyone. I looked at the side at one point, you know, and I half expected to see you coming at me with a salad fork.
Toby: Well, but for the secret service agents restraining me, sir.
Bartlet: Thank God for the secret service. (They pass a couple kissing in the hall) Hey there, fella! She deserves a nice room and some supper! Toby: You like doing that, don't you sir?
Bartlet: Yeah. Hey, Charlie!
Charlie: Yes,sir.
Bartlet: What did you think of the speech?
Toby: He means the text of the speech, Charlie, discounting the little improv in the D section.
Bartlet: I mean the entire speech, Charlie, and in particular the delivery.
Charlie: I thought it was excellent.
Bartlet and Toby: See?
Bartlet: I think what Charlie's trying to say is that in this case, the singer outdistanced the song.
Toby: Really, well what I heard Charlie say was that the text was user-proof, although you did your level best to disprove that in the D section.
Bartlet: You know what, Toby? You're what my mother calls a pain in the ass.
Toby: Well that's what my mother calls it too, sir.

Screaming Girls: We love you Josh!!
CJ: It helps not to know him!

Leo: There are two things in the world you never want people to see how you make them -- laws and sausages.

Mandy: They're gonna love you for being broke, Toby.
Toby: I found that. I found that women especially can't get enough of my 1993 Dodge Dart.

Toby: I'm telling you that not only did I not know what he was going to say to the committee, not only didn't I care what he was going to say to the committee, but if he had sat here in my office while I typed up his testimony for him, I wouldn't have UNDERSTOOD what he was GOING TO SAY TO THE COMMITTEE!!

Josh: All right. This was fun but Sam and I are busy making critical decisions.

Sam: Where are you going?
Josh: Where are you going?
Sam: I was following you.
Josh: I was following you. All right, don't tell anyone this happened, okay?

Leo: I should sell tickets to this meeting.

Josh: President Bartlet's a good man. He's got a good heart. He doesn't hold a grudge. That's what he pays me for.

Sam: One hundred twenty-five thousand dollars.
Toby: Would you stop saying that?!

Sam: What's your level of confidence?
Toby: Absolutely none.
Sam: Right. Who else knows about this?
Toby: Anyone who saw the report.
Sam: Everybody has the report, but you really have to study it to --
CJ: Excuse me, Toby, I was just heading out for lunch and I'm a little short. You wouldn't happen to have $125,000 I could borrow, would you?

(CJ is admiring the pearl necklace Leo bought for his wife)
CJ: Can I try it on?
Leo: No.
CJ: Are you saying I'm going to stretch it?

Toby: There's literally no one in the world that I don't hate right now.

Mandy: Someone gave you a year's supply of fruit?
Josh: Yes.
Mandy: Why?
Josh: There are people who like me.
Mandy: Why?

(The prez a li'l wacked out on his back medication)
Bartlet: What's going on here?
Sam: Nothing you need to concern yourself with, Mr. President. Merely a perception issue regarding Toby and the financial disclosure.
Bartlet: Well, I like to roll up my sleeves and, you know ... get involved.
CJ: Mr. President, did you by any chance take your back pills?
Bartlet: Well I don't mind telling you, CJ, I was in a little pain there.
Leo: Which did you take, sir -- the Vicodin or the Percoset?
Bartlet: I wasn't supposed to take them both?
CJ: Okay, Mr. President, we're going to have someone take you back to bed.
Bartlet: No no no. Sit sit sit. One of you's got a problem, and I'm here to help. You guys are like family. You've always been there for me. You've always been loyal, honest, hard-working good people, and I love you all very much, and I don't say that often enough. (to Sam) So, tell me what the problem is, Toby.
Sam: I'm Sam, sir.
Bartlet: Sam, of course you are.
Toby: Sir, the situation basically is this. I arranged for a friend to testify to Commerce on internet stocks, while simultaneously, but unrelated to that, bought a technology issue which, partly due to my friend's testimony, shot through the roof.
Bartlet: Toby. Toby, Toby, Toby. Toby's a nice name, don't you think?
Toby: Can we possibly do this meeting at another time?
Bartlet: No no no, I know my body. I know my muscles aren't, you know, but my mind is sharp. I can focus. I'm focused. You all know that about me. Here's what I think we ought to do. (beat) Was I just saying something?

Bartlet: Before I go, please let me just say this. I'm seriously thinking about getting a dog.

Sam: So how do you feel there, big guy?
Toby: Like I just got screwed with my pants on.

Leo: My wife's got a great neck.
Margaret: You spend too much money.
Leo: And you can squeeze the life out of a nickel better than any 10 people I know.
Margaret: Well, excuse me for not having made $40,000 a pop on the lecture circuit.

Josh: I realize as an adult that not everyone shares my view of the world. And with an issue as hot as gun control, I'm prepared to accept a lot of different points of view as being perfectly valid.