Toby: Mr. President, there's no shame in calling it quits. All you have to do is say, "Toby, you're the superior athlete" and slink on off the court.
Bartlet: Do you want to play or do you want to write my eulogy?
Toby: Can I be honest with you? (beat) The thing about you, Mr. President, its not that you cheat. It's how brazenly bad you are at it.

Josh: What's it about?
CJ: Smallpox.
Josh: The disease?
CJ: No, the dessert topping, Josh.

Josh: (to Leo) Is today total crackpot day?

Josh: What did you want to talk about?
Leo: First off (he slaps him on top of the head) That's for total crackpot day.

Mandy: Mr. President, if you could also see your way clear to not answering that question like an economics professor with a big old stick up his butt, that would be good too.
Bartlett: I am an economics professor with a big old stick up my butt, but I'll do my best for you, there, Mandy.

Toby: If we could just admit its weaknesses....
Mandy: Toby,...
Toby: Why not?
Mandy: It'll infuriate the Left. It'll energize the Right and everyone in the middle is going to feel like they just got yanked around. I'm sorry Mr. President, did you want to answer that?
President: Yeah, my answer was going to be because I said so, but you did pretty good.

Bob: We're a little nerdy, I'll admit.
Sam: You camouflage it well with your clothing.
Bob: I'm used to that, Sam.
Sam: What can I do for you, Bob?
Bob: In a nutshell?
Sam: So to speak.
Bob: We'd like the White House to pay a little more attention to UFOs.
Sam: Are we paying any attention at all right now?
Bob: No.
Sam: Thank God. Like we don't have enough problems with the First Lady and her Ouija board.

Sam: There are levels and an order to our air defense command, and to jump from radar officer to Commander in Chief would skip several of those levels.
Bob: Like what?
Sam: Like the Pentagon, and, you know, perhaps therapy.

Mandy: They sent pictures of the Malibu Place. It's great.
CJ: This isn't the one we used during the primaries?
Mandy: No, he got a new place.
CJ: Where was the one that Roberto Benigni pushed me into a swimming pool?
Mandy: That's Larry Posner's place. But that was the old place. CJ, if he gets the vote, don't you think it would be worth it?
CJ: Which would be fine if Roberto Benigni could vote in our elections, but since he's Italian that makes me a 6-foot wet girl in a Donna Karan dress.

Toby: Nobody ever looks like Joe McCarthy. That's how they get in the door in the first place.

Josh: (Listening to "Ave Maria") This is a beautiful piece of music, do you know this?
CJ: I'm Catholic.

Bartlet: Mrs. Landingham, are you drunk?
Mrs. Landingham: No sir-- now why would I --
Bartlet: I just like asking.

Josh: CJ, an NSC staffer gave me a card with instructions on it for what I'm supposed to do in event of a nuclear attack. They want me up in the plane or down in a bunker. They don't want you or Sam or Toby for that matter. I didn't want to be friends with you and have you not know.
CJ: Josh have you been upset about this?
Josh: Yes.
CJ: You're very sweet sometimes, you really are.

CJ: More people get killed each year getting change out of a vending machine than get killed in a wolf attack. Number of people killed last year retrieving change from a vending machine: four. Number of people killed by a wolf attack: zero.

Josh: You look good!
Zoey: You look like death on a Triscuit!
Josh: Oh, thanks very much. I've been seeing a new barber.

CJ: I don't know, maybe the vending machines fall on them while they're getting their change.

Josh: So what were you guys talking about?
President: We were talking about these women.
Josh: Yeah?
Leo: We can't get over these women.

President: Look at CJ She's like a '50's movie star; so capable, so loving and energetic.
Leo: Look at Mandy over there going punch for punch with Toby in a world that tells women to sit down and shut up. She's already won her battle with the President but she's not done. She wants Toby.
President: Mrs. Landingham. Did you guys know she lost 2 sons in Vietnam? What would make her want to serve her country is beyond me. But in 14 years, she hasn't missed a day's work, not one. There's Kathy, Donna, Margaret.

Bartlet: CJ, I don't mind the cost of this wolves-only highway, it's the segregation. The ACLU is going to file a petition on behalf of some reindeer, and then we're all screwed.

Leo: I am making a mental list of those who are snickering, and even as I speak I am preparing appropriate retribution.
Toby: Wouldn't the time be better spent plotting a war against a country that couldn't possibly defend itself?
Leo: We can do that later, Toby . . . . I assure you that listening to the voices of passion in Americans is beneath no one. And certainly not the people's servants.

Leo: I'm the only one in the room who isn't an economist, but it seems to me that the annual budget in the next fiscal year is found in either balance, in deficit, or in surplus. I don't know how I can sell Congress, to say nothing of people who graduated eighth grade, the idea that there is anything in between.
Bartlet: Leo's not talking about the portions being accounted for that are off budget and particularly not the long-term capital outlay....
Leo: Here's where you lose me.
(The President goes on to rattle off some ridiculously large numbers.)
Economist:You keep those numbers in your head?
Leo: The President's startling freakish that way.
(As soon as they are alone) Leo: How could you possibly remember that 10 years ago there was 1.88 billion off a 22 billion dollar deficit?
Bartlet: You mean I was right?
Leo: I thought so.

Charlie: Mr. President, you look a little winded.
Bartlet: I'm fine.
Charlie: Ah, maybe you want to sit for a minute, sir?
Bartlet: Why would I want to do that?
Josh: 'Cause people are bound to get pretty upset when they find out we killed the President.