Bartlet: I'm going to tell you a story and then I need you to tell me whether or not I've engaged 16 people in a massive criminal conspiracy to defraud the public in order to win a Presidential election.

Charlie: Theology 201, Intro to Biblical Literature.
Sam: Why?
CharlieL So the President will stop bugging me. And English 201 Text and Context.
Sam: What happened to molecular biology?
Charlie: It's closed out for the summer session.
Sam: How many AP credits do you have from high school.
Charlie: I have six in English, six in math and calculus, three in European history and three in French.
Sam: You're telling me that you've never been to college and after taking two classes this summer you're going to be like a junior?
Charlie: With a pretty decent GPA.
Sam: Charlie, just how smart are you?
Charlie: I've got some game.

CJ: Carol.... How many more of these do I have?
Carol: 1,138.
CJ: Okay, after five of them, I'm just going to confess.

CJ: There is no group of people this large in the world that can keep a secret. I find it comforting. It's how I know for sure that the government isn't covering up aliens in New Mexico.

Bartlet: My youngest daughter has a big mouth.
Charlie: No she doesn't, sir. She wanted me to be on the lookout for certain physical signs so I could tell the First Lady.
Bartlet: We won't discuss this any more for the time being. It will be public soon enough. And the more conversations you have with me, the more lawyers you are going to have to talk to. And they bill in an hour what you take home in a week. So we won't discuss it except to say this: you're going to be subpoenaed. I'm confident in your loyalty to me. I'm confident in your love for me. If you lie to protect me. If you lie just once. If you lie just a little. If you lie 'cause you can't stand what's happening to me and the people making it happen. If you ever ever lie, you're finished with me. . . . Go back to work.
Charlie: Is there anything you need?
Bartlet: I need you to go to law school and graduate as soon as humanly possible.

Babish: First tell your staff. . . . Then decide how to make a public announcement. . . . Then order the attorney general to appoint a special prosecutor. Not just any special prosecutor but blood spitting, Bartlet hating Republican in the bar. he's going to have an unlimited budget and a staff like an army. The new slogan around here's gong to be 'Bring it on.' He's going to have access to every piece of paper you ever touched. If you evoke executive privilege one time, I'm gone.

Donna: I'm not cheap nor am I xenophobic. I just think it's time for some tough love.
Josh: Well, not right here in front of everbody, Donna, but if you wanna go and get your equipment...
Donna: Go away from me.

Babish: My staff's work on the analysis of HR-437 ignored the Fourth Amendment implications and instead became fascinated with the Third, Seventh and Eleventh. Like you've got to be a prime number to get the attention of the U.S. Supreme Court.

Aide: Would you like us to pack your big hammer?
Babish: You know what? Don't make fun of the big hammer.

Babish: (about his dictaphone) It's stuck on record. It won't stop recording things; so it's just what you want lying around the White House Counsel's Office because there's never been a problem with that before.

Leo: You're scared of Babish.
Bartlet: Oh, like you're not.

Bartlet: He looks down his nose at me 'cause I'm not a lawyer.
Leo: Yes.
Bartlet: I didn't go to law school. I got a Ph.D. in economics instead.
Leo: Your parents were very proud.
Bartlet: Yeah, and all that happened was I won a Nobel Prize and got elected President so I guess that decision didn't really pay off.
Leo: Yeah.
Bartlet: Should I run back and get my Nobel Prize?
Leo: I think he knows you've got one.

Bartlet: We really need to see him now?
Leo: What better time?
Bartlet: Well, later.

Bartlet: Guy's been here three months - he's got a nicer office than I do.
Lep: He's got a nicer office than I do.
Bartlet: That matters less to me.

Sam: Ginger, what do you know about the oil tanker?
Ginger: It hit Delaware.
Sam: I'm amazed it found Delaware.

Sam: Do you know whether it had something to do with the navigation or the steering?
CJ: Well, all that's being investigated, but I'm assuming that when a ship runs into the shore, it has something to do with either the navigation or the steering.

Babish: Mr. President, I have some more questions. Is there time now?
Bartlet: Well, the Mexican economy crashed, an oil tanker busted up about 120 miles from here and thirteen percent of Americans are living in poverty. So yeah, I can hang out with you and answer insulting questions for awhile.

Josh: The number of people whose permission I need before I can do whatever the hell I want... Let me tell you something - there's really a lot to be said for fascism.

CJ: He wants me to find the leak.
Josh: You should.
CJ: No problem. Was it you?
Josh: No.
CJ: Okay. Well, then, now I'm stumped.

Josh: You've got to get a swinging light bulb in there and just do it.
CJ: Yeah, this from the guy who had four kinds of aneurysms when he had to interrogate the staff on drug use.

Josh: You're absolutely not going to find him.
CJ: But I should spend the day doing it anyway.
Josh: Yes.
CJ: Because Toby's pissed.
Josh: Let me tell you something. I've found that if you accept that as a good enough reason for doing something, life becomes easier.
CJ: Thank you for that fortune cookie wisdom.
Josh: You bet.

Josh: You just lurk there in the shadows, like... Whatever. What are you doing?
Donna: I'm doing things, things with paper.

Josh: Close the door.(Donna closes the door.)Donna?
Donna: With me on the other side?
Josh: Thank you.

Sam: I'm less visually observant than others but I make up for it.
Emily: How?
Sam: With cunning and guile.

Carol: CJ, you wanted to see Jamie Hotchkiss?
CJ: No, but yes.

Sam: You did some decorating.
Ainsley: Yeah.
Ssm: A woman's touch.
Ainsley: It was a guy named Kirk.

Sam: Hang on, I know this piece of music. I love it.
Ainsley: Isn't it great?
Sam: No, but there's a reason I like it.
Ainsley: Well, it's beautiful.
Sam: But there's another reason, hang on.
Ainsley: It's called "Air on a G String." Could that be...?
Ssm: Yes. Thank you.

Mrs. Landingham: You still filling out forms, Charlie?
Charlie: Well, I'm going to be filling out forms for quite some time. It's basically going to be my major.

Mrs. Landingham: You going to join the Glee Club?
Charlie: I don't think so, Mrs. Landingham.
Mrs. Landingham: Oh, Glee Club's important.
Charlie: I'm only going to have time for a couple of classes at night. I'm not going to be able to be that gleeful.

Babish: He's acting a little pissy, wouldn't you say?
Leo: You're a little pissy too, there, my friend.
Babish: Yeah, well, I'm pissed.

Donna: CJ, I can't...
CJ: What?
Donna: I can't lie like this anymore.
CJ: Are you saying it was you?
Donna: I feel horrible. I should've said something before, but I was afraid of what you'd...
CJ: No, it's okay.
Donna: No, let me get this off my chest. It was me. I called Terry Cashin.
CJ: Why?
Donna: I don't know. Why does anybody do anything?
CJ: (in disbelief) What are you talking about?
Donna: I'm a madwoman, CJ - and it doesn't stop with the leak.
CJ: (horrified) What do you mean?
Donna: Call the authorities. Send them to my parent's house in Madison.
CJ: Why?
Donna: They'll find the Lindbergh baby in the basement.
CJ: (finally catching up) Okay.
Donna: Also some Post-Its reminding me where I put Jimmy Hoffa.
CJ: Get out.
Donna: I framed Roger Rabbit.
CJ: Get out!

Josh: Did you confess?
Donna: She didn't let me get to Whittaker Chambers and the secret pumpkin.

Josh: You got a phone call while you were in there.
Donna: From who?
Josh: Europe in 1939.

Zach: You mind if I give you a suggestion that may make this go faster?
CJ: Sure.
Zach: If you dunk the suspect in a deep well of water, and they drown, it means they're not a witch.
CJ: All right, that's it!
Zach: I saw Lizzie Proctor speaking with the devil!
CJ: Shut up!

Sam: Ever wonder why you never hear anything about a boatload of Honda Civics spilling into the ocean?