1.13 TAKE OUT THE TRASH DAY And a big thanks to Flip for putting together the quotes for this ep! C.J.: Weather permitting, we’ll be in the Rose Garden. REPORTER: And weather permitting means...? C.J.: If it’s not raining. REPORTER: C.J.— C.J.: I know. REPORTER: It’s gonna be 22 degrees out there. C.J.: I know. REPORTER: I don’t know why you people— C.J.: This President is from New England and I think it’s time we all started getting used to that.  At least, that’s what he told me this morning. C.J.: There will be fifteen pen recipients.  The President will sign the bill with fifteen pens and I guess someone on my staff wanted you to know that. DANNY: C.J.— C.J.: Tell me you don’t have a question about the pens. DANNY: I have a question about the pens. (Reporters laugh) C.J.: Yes, Danny? DANNY: Josiah Bartlet has thirteen letters in it.  How’s the President going to use fifteen pens? C.J.: Danny— DANNY: I was just— C.J.: You know you were the only one in the room doing the math on that right? DANNY: I just— C.J.: The only one in the room. DANNY: My readers expect a little more. (Reporters scoff) C.J.: Fifteen pens, thirteen letters... They must’ve stuck something in here—yes!  He’s going to... Interesting.  He’s going to literally dot the i and cross the t’s. DANNY: Thank you. C.J.: Freakboy. DANNY: Thank you again. C.J.: Carol.  Dotting the i and crossing the t’s, thank you for that. CAROL: We do our homework. C.J.: You misspelled senator. Josh: We’ve got a bit of a sticky wicket. C.J.: I’m a woman in her prime, Josh.  I’m a prime woman. Josh: By the way, pages twenty-seven to thirty-three.  A couple things every girl should know. C.J.: I’m anticipating any joke you could possibly make right now and I’m not finding any of them funny. Sam: If I were arrested for coveting my neighbor’s wife, when asked about it, I’d probably bear false witness. TOBY: I was raised on Sesame Street.  I was raised on Julia Child.  I was raised on Brideshead Revisited.  Their legacies are safe in my hands.  (C.J. laughs)  You got a problem? C.J.: You watched cooking shows? TOBY: I watched Miss Julia Child. POTUS: Is Simon Blye coming to meet with you today? LEO: How did you know that? POTUS: I broke into your secret schedule compartment and took infrared photos with my compact camera. LEO: (exasperatedly) Sir. POTUS: Margaret told me. POTUS: You put a lot of faith in people, Leo, and I love you for that.  I just don’t want to see you get disappointed. C.J.: Are we off the record? DANNY: Sure. C.J.: (Not sure) Are we? DANNY: Yes. C.J.: Feels like we’re still on the record. DANNY: I don’t flick a switch or anything, C.J.; we’re off the record. MRS. L: Would you like to share what’s in that report sir? POTUS: With you? MRS. L: Yes, sir. POTUS: No. MRS. L: May I ask why not, sir? POTUS: Because I’d rather not be in therapy for the rest of my life. JONATHAN LYDELL: Lady, I’m not embarrassed that my son was gay.  My government is. TOBY: It’s Fozzie Bear, not *Fuzzy* Bear. TOBY: At a time when the public is rightly concerned about the impact of sex and violence on TV, this administration is going to protect *The Muppets!*  We’re gonna protect Wall Street Week.  We’re gonna protect Live from Lincoln Center.  And, by God, we are gonna protect Julia Child. C.J.: Mr. President... We can all be better teachers. LEO: The worst thing I’m empowered to do is fire you and I’ve already done that. LEO: I drank and took drugs ‘cause I was a drug addict and an alcoholic. LEO: The problem is, I don’t want a drink.  I want ten drinks. KAREN LARSEN: Are things that bad? LEO: (laughing) No. KAREN: Then why? LEO: ‘Cause I’m an alcoholic. KAREN: I don’t understand. LEO: I know.  It’s okay.  Hardly anyone does.  It’s very hard to understand.