| 2.11 THE LEADERSHIP BREAKFAST JOSH: It's wood, we're not burning Benjamin Harrison's log cabin! SAM: Y'know what? JOSH: What? SAM: We might be. DONNA: YOu're not using lighter fluid or anything, are you? JOSH: No. Not flammable liquids of any kind to start a fire. Ever. SAM: Found it. JOSH: What? SAM: Kerosene. JOSH: You wanna stand 'em in a tripod, right? SAM: Yeah, standing three sticks on end and slanting them to a common centre. JOSH: Isn't that a tripod? SAM: Yeah, but... JOSH: You thought you'd say more words? SAM: Yeah. DONNA: Josh- JOSH: Hang on. Y'know what we need? SAM: Dried leaves. JOSH: We need dried leaves. DONNA: In order to move Jenkowitz we have to move either the House or the Senate Whip. SAM/JOSH: House. DONNA: Why? SAM: 'Cause life's tough in the big cruel world and if he doesn't like it then he can kiss me. DONNA: So the spirit of bipartisanship begins. SAM: Yeah. JOSH: Could you possibly get us some dried leaves? DONNA: Yeah, I'll just run out to the forest and be right back. SAM: Y'know what? JOSH: You think she was being sarcastic? SAM: Yeah, I don't think she's getting the leaves. CJ: See, you guys thought it was gonna take a long time, it only ended up taking seven and a half hours. SAM:I think this might be because the wood is wet. JOSH: Well, the fire oughta dry it pretty quick. CJ: Are you burning a dining room table? JOSH: Spruce is a slow-drying wood. TOBY: Do you have any idea what you're talking about? JOSH: No. CHARLIE: Mr. President, you know you told me not to wake you up unless the building was on fire... TOBY: ...If we turn our attention to Item Five on the Rules- LEO: They're guidelines, you keep calling them rules. TOBY: Margaret, what does it say at the top of the memo? MARGARET: "Rules for Bipartisan Breakfast" LEO: I keep meaning to fire you. JOSH: And what stupid-ass Irish thing did you say to Karen Kahill that you need to me to go apologize for at Ben and Sally's like a little girl? (Beat) Lemme tell ya what was surprising about that moment just then - it came only twelve hours after you were very cool about my almost accidentally setting the building on fire. LEO: Just tell her that I love and that I'm sorry...and I'll take her shoe-shopping. JOSH: And why don't you tell her? LEO: Because if someone else says it, it'll look like I was thoughtful enough to mention it, if I do it it'll just make me look feminine. JOSH: You don't think the shoe-shopping will take care of that? TOBY: Breakfast tomorrow? ANNE: What should I wear? TOBY: I dont' give a damn. ANNE: I've heard different. CAROL: Where were we? ANNE: You were giving me and my staff an ultimatum. DONNA: You wanna free up office space by kicking out the press corps. SAM: Yes. DONNA: And putting in a swimming pool. SAM: I realize there are some flaws in my logic. TOBY: We're not gonna come up with a solution in 90 minutes. But we have the principals in a room with no cameras, the leaders of the land. And not to talk about how we're gonna approach the minimum wage, the patient's bill of rights, tax relief and education in the legislative agenda that's about to begin is a criminally neglegent and cowardly refusal to do what we were all sent here to do. (Beat.) This is what my ex-wife and I did for years. We had these rules - we could talk about anything except why we couldn't live with each other. I coulda been two years younger right now. LEO: There was a Freshman Democrat who came to Congress fifty years ago., he turned to a Senior Democrat and said "Where are the Republicans, I wanna meet the enemy." The Senior Democrat said "The Republicans aren't the enemy, they're the opposition; the Senate's the enemy." Those days are over. LEO: Toby. Jenny and I wouldn't talk about it either. Know why? Because we loved each other. And it was awful. And we knew it was never gonna change. ANNE: I brought you a present. TOBY: What is it? ANNE: Guess. TOBY: Why? ANNE: I would think it might be fun. TOBY: You don't think it'd be a collossal waste of time? ANNE: You've lost your sense of humour. TOBY: It's a bottle of New Hampshire maple syrup. ANNE: It's a CAN of New Hampshire maple syrup and you just ruined what I think could've been a nice moment. TOBY: Anne... ANNE: Y'know, tax breaks are tax relief now and we're changing South Carolina...to Italy. TOBY: The minimum wage- ANNE: You cannot muster up the behaviour to say...thank you? TOBY: For the syrup? ANNE: Yes. TOBY: Thank you. ANNE: You're welcome. TOBY: And congratulations. You are now the chief of staff to the most powerful Republican in the country. Obviously a great deal of confidence- ANNE: Where's my present? TOBY: For being promoted? ANNE: Yeah. TOBY: I don't have one. ANNE: Then give me my syrup back. WAITER: Are you ready to order? ANNE: He's gonna need syrup. I have syrup here but he doesn't have any. JOSH: What should the question be? SAM: If the White House moved the press corps to Trenton, New Jersey, would you give a flying... ANNE: Are you forgetting that I am the same person who...brought you a can of syrup? DONNA: Maybe there really are remaning nuclear weapons in Kyrgystan. SAM: There are barely pots and pans in Kyrgystan. DONNA: Josh, this was just sent over by messenger. JOSH: What is it? DONNA: It's - wait, wait, no, damn, my x-ray vision is failing me today. DONNA: What was in the envelope? JOSH: Your...underwear. DONNA: What? JOSH: I'm holding...your underwear...in my hand...right now. And the way I know it's your underwear is that your name is sewn in the back which obviously we'll spend some time talking about at a later date. CHARLIE: Mr. President, I don't know if this is the right moment... POTUS: Right moment for what? CHARLIE: Donna Moss needs a favour. While talking last night to Karen Kahill, she accidentally dropped her underwear. She feels there's a chance Karen Kahill may have misinterpretted that and Donna asked me to ask you if you would call Karen Kahill and make sure she didn't think Donna was making a sexual advance. POTUS: I don't know if there is a right moment to ask me that, Charlie. POTUS: Donna wants me to call Karen Kahill and make it very clear that she wasn't hitting on her when she gave her her underwear. LEO: Yeah. That's 'cause I made fun of her shoes and then Sam said there were nuclear weapons in Kyrgystan and then Donna went to clear up the mix-up and accidentally left her underwear. POTUS: There can't possibly be remaining nuclear weapons in Kyrgystan! |