| 1.17 THE STACKHOUSE FILIBUSTER |
| JOSH: I’m going to Port St. Lucy, and I know it doesn’t mean anything to you, but it’s the Spring Training home o f- CJ: The New York Jets. See? I know my basketball. JOSH: Yeah, but the New York KNICKS are basketball, the Jets are FOOTBALL, and Port St. Lucy is the Spring Training Home of the New York METS. CJ: Dammit, I’m inadiquite. CJ: Well, I wouldn’t want you to miss a legitimate “dude” sighting. CJ: I will once again betray the sisterhood. I saw you, you, you, and you all roll your eyes. CJ: Whatcha doin’? SAM: Well, it’s pretty complicated and it’d be difficult to explain layman’s terms. CJ: You can put the black seven on the red eight. JOSH: The White House has been instructed by Congress to compile a list of 400 government reports as they serve little purpose and cost the tax players hundreds of millions of dollars. We’ll assume, though the modifier was dangling, that they mean the REPORTS serve little purpose, not Congress itself. SAM: Lemme tell you people something. The GAO could use a little housekeeping and that’s my nickname. I’m the Housekeeper. God, that’s a terrible nickname. JOSH: I’d start getting used to it for awhile. JOSH: Since Dad’s not here to do it, I think it’s my job to bore you with history now. STACKHOUSE: In these negotiations about a bill about health care issues afflicting children, you’ve allocated funds for alzheimers, glaucoma, and erectile disfunction. Know a lot of 2-year-olds afflicted with that horriffic condition, do you? DONNA: You’re flying to Florida to see the Mets play another team in a game that doesn’t’ count? JOSH: Actually it’s an intra-squad game. DONNA: SO you’re flying to Florida to see the Mets play THEMSELVES in a game that doesn’t count. POTUS: Is there any way he could be a bigger horse’s petoot? LEO: I don’t know what part of the horse that is exactly. POTUS: They thought I was gonna be eating with Abby, so we’ll just pretend there’s no candlelight. LEO: And that we’re not paranoid homophobes in any way. POTUS: I just feel like we don’t talk anymore. LEO: I’m sorry? POTUS: See? You’re not even listening. LEO: Ben, lemme call ya back. (Hangs up the phone.) What’s your problem? POTUS: I’m just saying we work all day and then go to dinner and you’re still working. And y’know, I’m sitting here. No time to talk. LEO: Y’know, conversations like this are the reason I’m divorced. POTUS: CJ, don’t EVER underestimate the will of the grandfather. We’re madmen. We don’t give a damn – We got here before you and they’ll be here after. We’ll make enemies, we’ll break laws, we’ll break bones, but you will not mess with the grandchildren! LEO: There was quite a bit of sugar in the Crème du Caramel. DONNA: Excuse me? LEO: What are you doing? DONNA: I wasn’t sure if I was s’posed to-… LEO: We usually don’t raise our hands. POTUS: Though it’s not the worst idea in the world. POTUS: We wanna call Senators. Let’s start with our friends. When we’re done with those two, we’ll move on to the other 98. CJ/SAM/JOSH: There are so many days here where you can’t imagine anything good will happen, buried under the black fog of partisanship, and self-promotion, and stupidity, and a brand of politics that’s just plain mean…And if politics bring out the worst in people, maybe people bring out the best. |