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| JOSH: Y'know what the problem with this is? SAM: Yes. JOSH: It's s'posed to be funny. SAM: And yet? JOSH: It's not. DONNA: You're the lone person who sends flowers just to be mean. You're really the only person I've ever met who can do that. JOSH: I really am something. DONNA: Oh, shut up, honest to God, do you ever get tired of the sound of your own voice? JOSH: No, no, no, no... JOSH: Hey, we need funny people. DONNA: Yeah? JOSH: Know any? Okay, that right there was a joke, it's the oldest joke in the book. DONNA: I"ll say! JOSH: Kay, y'know what, Ado Annie? I sent you flowers! I think what you're trying to say is "Why thank you, Josh, they're beautiful, how very thoughtful of you. Not many bosses would've been so thoughtful." DONNA: Really? 'Cause what I thought I was trying to say was "Shove it." JOSH: Okay, I guessed wrong. SAM: Didn't you hear me shouting? AINSLEY: Yes, I did. SAM: Why didn't you answer? AINSLEY: I chose to ignore you. SAM: Because? AINSLEY: You were shouting. SAM: You're adorable. AINSLEY: Yet ill-adored. SAM: Go figure. DONNA: It says here "allow for laughter". JOSH: Yeah, well, unless we give that instruction to the audience... JOSH: She doesn't like to talk about it. DONNA: I really don't. SAM: A few years ago, donna's boyfriend broke up with her so she started working for Josh, but then the boyfriend told her to come back and she did and then she came back to work -...I thought you meant YOU didn't want to talk about it. SAM: We're not making fun of the host. AINSLEY: Who are you making fun of? ALL: Republicans! SAM: Two groups - you guys stay over there, we'll stay over here. AINSLEY: I wanna be in that group. SAM: Why? AINSLEY: They have the Kung Pao- SAM: Get the Kung Pao Chicken and come back here. JOSH: Okay, here's a joke based on the premise that the party afterwards is hard to get into and that he's the commander in chief: I hear the Blumberg party's gonna be hard to get into, but I"m not worried - I'm going to the paty with the 82nd Airborne. DONNA: And then he says "I haven't heard a room this quiet since we lost the signal on Galileo." ED: Sam, we've got one here, but it involves a John Wayne impersonation and a sock puppet. ED: We need jokes about the staff. AINSLEY: (To Sam.) Let's start with you. SAM: Problem is there aren't many jokes you can make about me. DONNA: How about "Knock knock, who's there?, Sam and his prostitute friend"? SAM: I think that was a little bit of misdirected anger there. DONNA: I'm okay with that. SAM: In that case...Ainsley, y'know why I got you flowers in April instead of in February? Because you ditched me the first time around so you could go back to your boyfriend who ditched you the first time around only to have him ditch you the second time around. (Donna smacks Josh hard in the back of the head.) JOSH: What the hell? That was him! DONNA: He was being you. DONNA: ...So he can snark me every April. SAM: What does "Snark" mean? DONNA: I don't know, but he's doing it. SAM: I've had time to spill coffee, y'know, a lot. SAM: I'm gonna join the Republican party. And I'll tell you why, if you're curious. They're a freedom-loving people. AINSLEY: We also like beef. SAM: Y'know, you insist government is depraved for not legislating against what we can see on a newstand, what we can view in an art exhibit, what we can burn in protest, or what sex we can have sex with or a woman's right to choose, but don't you dare try to regulat this deadly weapon I have concealed on me for that would encroach against my freedom. SAM: I could've countered that, but I'd already moved on to other things in my head. JOSH: If you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for a beer. DONNA: If you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for red lights. ED: So the president was asked to pick tonight's menu and he said "Serve anything you want except Lame Duck". |